To be shock at the parents on the 999 show on channel 4

[Notcontent]

Watching now. Teenagers being arrested. Parents seem to think that's fine and part of growing up. I cannot believe people like that exist...

Turners how would you know if she ahd any LD?

I have AS; I can categorically promise you would not know unless I told you, unless of course something went awry- new room / different teacher etc. By adulthood we get VERY good at learning how to pretend to be NT, we have to.

But you know autism respects no boundaries and actually I think it's pretty shit that someone attending a Help! course would be looking to blame another parent. it's supposed to be an accepting, non judging safe place for parents and carers of clinically diagnosed children. These will come from a mix of backgrounds. You have no idea of what went or did not, how exhausted she may have been, how much sleep she had grabbed- I find your post very sad indeed.

I have an encyclopaedic knowledge of how to claim benefits, all of them- was very useful at work, and now when supporting people informally.

1. there is no clinical evidence that abd parenting causes either autism or ADHD; indeed, the evidence people did think they ahd ahs been refuted many, many times over.

1. 'not like me' (Jeremy Kyle? really ?) does not equate to 'worth less respect than me'

1. ASD is diagnosed by a very complex set of criteria as set out in the DSM, as is ADHD: as you should presumably know as a parent of a child with ASD yourself, diagnoses are NOT freely available.

Oh your post made me simultaneously depressed and angry.

Jesus wet that poor woman! on your course!! Turners! this world is full of different people they dont all have to fit your criteria of what acceptable! of fucking rude of you to judge her so negatively!

As peachy has already pointed out her DS MUST have got a DX to even be on the early bird course!

Actually do you actually have a DC with an ASD? i dont think ive every met another parent (and i have met literally dozens!!) with a child on the spectrum be to up their own arse so much! usually we have had any of that type of shite knocked out of us!

Would it not occur to you that the 'Jeremy Kyle' woman is so different to her own mother maybe due to herself having a LD??.

It was her grandmother, not her mother.

People are fully entitled to judge, privately. I'm not her teacher, her employer, or anything else, my perceptions of her are what they are and I'm sure shared by others who do have power over her, which I don't.

I know full well that parenting does not cause autism, I don't know anything about ADHD, but I did spend eight weeks with her, and couldn't tell how much was her parenting/laziness and what was the autism/ADHD/whatever.

oh jesus fuck I hope you weren't on my Earlybird course...
I get enough judgment from twats out there never mind 'from within'!

Quite agree GK! what a place to judge? you sound....well just so lovely Turner

It's supposed to be a safe environment for those still reeling from the diagnosis of their child to come to terms with it and learn strategies for dealing with it.

Not to be judged.

Turner- the Help! courses all start with all participants agreeing a confidentiality clause, you posted enough for the person mentioned to identify themselves. You breached that, I have mentioned this to the NAS! Help people so they can adjust heir courses to mention online bullying (that's how I view it) and also reported to MN WRT the confidentilaity breech.

of course we all judge; doesn't mean we have to pass that judgement on. You know NOTHING about this family, nothing at all! I've done Help!, I certainly did not come away with enough material to judge.

Well even so to differ so largely from her immediate family would indicate perhaps a LD at a much lower level.

I thought the policeman was great.
I would have lost the bap with Andrea, her poor children, I hope her DD has managed to get to university.

i really really hope Andrea's daugher goes to uni, gets her degree, has the time of her life, falls in love and discovers how amazing it can be to be young.

BUT

I bet she doesn't.

I bet her mother makes daily hysterial phone calls to her, I bet she threatens to harm herself, I bet she lays it on thick about the brother and I bet the poor girl will be emotionally blackmailed into coming back home.

It was not a Help! course. You have absolutely no idea what confidentiality clause I did or didn't agree too, and you can be sure that Mumsnet don't.

People judge on mumsnet constantly, or are you new?

Why does Andrea still have her kids ? I was at a loss at that tbh.

Yes I wondered that too Killer.

TurnersMum; hardly, one of the first people here in fact, 2001. I assume you must be fairly though or you'd likely know that.

But hey ho. I think you are wrong, you don't, so be it. I am glad I don't jusge so easily- heck I'd be unemployable in my field if I did.

What channel was it on? I want to watch it on catch up TV.

Just found it on 4OD website

Frothy

I know for a fact there is a confidentiality agreement at the start of Earlybird. As I said I've done it myself.

Horrified that you've breached that trust that was established at that meeting. Mind you with your opinions I'm not exactly surprised.

Bigoted, much?

I was horrified at the parents in that programme too, I've clearly led a very sheltered life. What happened to good old fashioned discipline?? But I thought the policeman and Andrea's daughter were both inspirational...

Earlybird and help! courses are linked btw Turners, NAS run courses for those newly diagnosed with an ASD; we've had lectures from them at university several times. All very useful, plus I attended the Help! course wrt ds3. Didn;t offer them when ds1 was diagnosed.

I am not going to watch the programme, 3 kids with ASD doesn;t make for TV time as a rule!- but having worked for a parenting charity I will say this: I have never walked into a family referred to me and NOT found some little things behind the scenes that offers real clues to how things got so bad- abuse, DV, undiagnosed LD or lower level SN... of course that's never an excuse for letting your kids run wild, but the better you understand someone's situation the more you can do understand and help. And sometimes it IS an excuse, sometimes people's lives have been so badly messed up by others (am thinking of a girl I knew who lost her kids mostly IMO due to having been abused for 8 years of her childhood and consequently spent the next 20 years walking around in a dazed fug going between abusive partners and her mum who had known the abuse was happening and not acted- angry, much?)

I can't believe all of you merrily judging parents whose teenagers are out wandering at night.

When DD was 13, we had almost 2 years of hell with her absconding from home, school, anywhere (There was a much older man and subsequent court case). The police regularly brought her home.

We involved SS, school, local agencies, safe space, ed psych, etc for help. They, like us could do nothing. I could not physically restrain DD, she would jump out of the windows when I went to the loo to escape. Or more usually, disappear from school mid day. The school can't keep them in either. We begged SS, etc for home assessments so they could point out where we were going wrong. They couldn't give us a single recommendation because we were doing nothing wrong.

For 2 years we battled, we tried everything, her behaviour was off the wall terrible. She just DID NOT CARE and WANTED TO BE WITH HER (very questionable) mates. Her family life was/is perfect. Mum and Dad who adore her, little brother who cried every night she was away, GP's who'se hearts were broken. It made no difference.

We moved schools, she absconded and was expelled from there. I arranged with original school to walk her into school, hand her over to her head of house and come in 15 mins early to collect her from school early, she left school at 10am and did not come back. We had her charged for stealing in order for her actions to have consequences. We removed every bit of IT including laptop from the house. We locked all our windows and doors and lived in a virtual prison but she got hold of a key somehow and escaped out of the garage. DH and I were out on the streets every night looking for her. Unfortunately we were not allowed to approach her abuser so we had to call the police. We were harassed by the abusers family and unable to do anything about it.

Very luckily for us she came through it and will be off to Uni next year. I couldn't love her or be more proud of her than I am today.

But it was hard, nearly broke our (naice middle-class affluent) family into pieces.

Sometimes it is not the parents fault. This was one of those times.

Katie that sounds like a living hell; I feel for you.

She's 17 now peachy and looks back at that time in her life with bewilderment. She can't say why she did what she did, she genuinely has no idea.

She is very sorry and ashamed but we don't dwell. Onwards and upwards!

IME
ADHD is one of the hardest dxs to get.
Anyone can say there child has it, not everyone who fancies a dx can get one.

Its not as easy as, let me see, producing a friend of a friend's auntie who rocked up to the socsl and got a car from her badly parented child just like that

But I only work on a specialist early intervention team...
So what would I know.

I am glad Katie.

MrsDV quite, what would you? ;)