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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with ex DP for stopping maintenance

120 replies

TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 13:49

Ex dp has ended his contract at work with effect from next month (decision was made months ago) he has decided to go travelling for a while (could be weeks, could be months, I don't know, I suspect latter from what has been said) and has informed me today that that will mean the end of maintenance.

Am I being unreasonable to think seen as he has been planning this for months he could have saved some money to give for ds seen as he won't be working.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 17/09/2012 13:52

Yanbu!!

He's a bloody selfish fool!

kim147 · 17/09/2012 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LydiasMiletus · 17/09/2012 13:55

He thinks so little of his child?
Twat. Yanbu.

IvanaHumpalot · 17/09/2012 13:55

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

He will have savings for this 'finding my inner self' travel... CSA?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 17/09/2012 13:57

CSA can take income but not savings (unless you already have a claim through them and he has arrears).

He's a shithead.

mcrvamp · 17/09/2012 13:59

YANBU he sounds like a selfish twat to me!

BlackberryIce · 17/09/2012 13:59

Shame him into giving you a lump sum of his 'travelling' money. Before he goes

Does he have regular contact?

thebeesnees79 · 17/09/2012 14:01

he is being very selfish. its his child too and they are not cheap to look after.

Original poster
TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 14:03

I would imagine he hasn't something saved to go do this? Otherwise I have no idea how he is paying for it.

He's crap with Ds anyway, barely sees him, but he has always paid till now as he new CSA would be on him but he's obviously now even considered ds. He's only mentioned it because I asked for money towards ds uniform.

OP posts:
Original poster
TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 14:05

BlackBerry, he only really sees him because ds regularly goes to his paternal grandparents and sometimes ex dp is there. He very rarely actually arranges to see him.

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 14:10

yanbu he is a twat,but i am surprised you didnt know he would do it

Lueji · 17/09/2012 14:17

Are you sure he's not just moving into a non-tax paying job?

Original poster
TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 14:25

Sock- if I had actually thought about it I think I would have realised. Money is the only thing he's even been good about, I suppose I just gave him the benefit of the doubt.

OP posts:
Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 15:02

dont mind me trainee im very biased and negative about maintainance ive had over 18 years experance of lies and tactics designed to avoid it by the nrp.

MyLastDuchess · 17/09/2012 15:19

YANBU. I mean, WTAF? What is wrong with some people? "Oh, I want to spend my money on something else now so good luck kiddies, hope you can find something to eat!"

I wouldn't do that to my CATS, let alone my children!

Longdistance · 17/09/2012 15:24

Are you sure he's not just travelling, but leaving the country for another job?

ClippedPhoenix · 17/09/2012 15:27

He's a selfish manchild isn't he OP.

susiedaisy · 17/09/2012 15:30

What will he live on when he's travelling?

He's a twat!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 17/09/2012 15:38

Unfortunately a lot of 'men' are like this, OP. I don't get any maintenance for my DS. Like Sock I've got a list as long as my arm of 'ways to avoid paying the CSA' courtesy of my ex DP. Can you approach this via his parents? It seems like you have a good relationship with them, so lay it on thick about how he's swanning off without a second thought of how you're expected to fund everything for your son in his absence. Alternatively if he ends up living somewhere like Australia for a while, you can approach the CSA to start a REMO order.

Original poster
TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 15:44

From what he has said, he's dumped his girlfriend, booked his tickets and is swanning off ASAP. He says he will continue to pay once he gets a new job, once he has finished travelling- how noble of him, mean while I'm strape together enough money for us to manage while he doesn't pay.
Could come at a worse time, just as I am starting uni and my money will be screwed up.

OP posts:
Original poster
TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 16:00

Apologies for bad typing- never seem to get it right when I'm on my phone.

OP posts:
notmyproblem · 17/09/2012 17:08

Make sure his parents know full well what he's doing, especially if you think they can help shame him into giving you some cash before he goes. Lay it on nice and thick how their dearest little boy can't be arsed to help towards his own child's financial needs.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 17:16

What were the circumstances when you conceived? Were you in a relationship?

HappyMummyOfOne · 17/09/2012 17:19

Do you think he's done it because of your uni plans and thinks if you are not working then why should he?

Perhaps he's having a moment after the breakdown of his current relationship and will come round to his senses after a short break.

Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 17:38

outraged why has that got anything at all to do with the fact that he was paying and now is stopping to go and find himself?

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