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Original poster

To be pissed off with ex DP for stopping maintenance

120 replies

TraineeBabyCatcher · 17/09/2012 13:49

Ex dp has ended his contract at work with effect from next month (decision was made months ago) he has decided to go travelling for a while (could be weeks, could be months, I don't know, I suspect latter from what has been said) and has informed me today that that will mean the end of maintenance.

Am I being unreasonable to think seen as he has been planning this for months he could have saved some money to give for ds seen as he won't be working.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 17:59

Nothing really, except to determine the level of exactly how out of order he is being now.

If they were in a solid relationship and the pregnancy was a genuine accident, or was wanted, and they both decided to go for it, then it's especially wrong now that he is shirking his responsibility.

If they were teenagers having a one night fling, then it's slightly more understandable that he would want to be able to do some travelling. It doesn't give him the right to not pay for the child, but it does make it more understandable if he never wanted a baby in the first place.

allnewtaketwo · 17/09/2012 18:03

What has it got to with his parents? Hmm

I wondered like another poster whether his decision was linked to you starting university?

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:09

What a prick. So after paying maintenance for a bit he just decides to waltz off for a bit and travel the world whilst you're going to struggle living on your bursery and/or student loan.

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:10

Like outraged if it was unplanned I don't think there's anything wrong with him going travelling as such, but he's got bloody responsibilities now.

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:15

How exactly are you planning on supporting your own child if you have made the choice to be a student?

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:28

Londonone lots of people do it. It's hard, but they do it. I know a lot of midwifery students who have children.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 18:29

I thought londonone meant financially supporting. I could be wrong.

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:30

She'll get a bursery and a student loan, she'll get extra for child support.

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:33

Yes I did mean financially as freddos said. Sounds like both parents are keen to do what they want to do and neither is supporting their child financially.

OwlLady · 17/09/2012 18:33

it's nice that some fathers seem to think the rest of us can pick up the tab for their children isnt it, it really pisses me off

one of my friends ex husband is very wealthy and she has to basically live off benefits whilst he drives around in a car that is worth more than some peoples houses

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:34
Confused

One is getting herself educated to be able to provide a better life for her child.

One is swanning off abroad probably wanting to 'find himself'.

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:37

That's irrelevant IMO golds hip. Both parents are pursuing their own wants and neither are supporting the child. Both as bad as each other.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 18:43

I tend to agree with that londonone. I don't think anyone has the right to complain about not recieving maintence for children when they don't earn themselves. There are circumstances that make it impossible to earn and raise a child, such as if the child cannot go into mainstream childcare, but on the whole I think that both parents have to provide financially if they are separated.

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:44

No she isn't at all. The child will be provided for, she will have income.

Their own 'wants'? She's going to be doing an extremely hard university course to get a career so she can support her child. He's doing ball all except sodding off travelling. Don't compare the two. That's completely out of order.

Single mums should be able to better themselves too. Or would you rather they got stuck claiming benefits?

Rather a shitty attitude to have.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 18:48

Maybe he is bettering himself by traveling. People can learn a lot from travelling.

The child will be provided for and she will have income. Yes. But it's not earned income. It's not a parent going out and working for that income. It's the state handing over money. I wholeheartedly disagree with the attitude, but if one parent can do what they choose to do instead of earning, then both can.

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:50

For one: he hasn't done anything to make sure the child is provided for. He has just thought fuck it, I'll do what I want.
I'm 100% sure the OP has thought about what she will be able to afford and make sure it is cared for and supported.
So again, let's not compare the two.

She will be working actually. She'll be working a 38 hour week in a hospital.

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:51

I actually think the time to be a student is before you have kids. If she wants to better herself why the heck shoud it be at the taxpayers expense to support their child as well. And no I wouldn't rather they claimed benefits I would rather they got a job and didn't have kids they can't support

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:52

Working but not earning. She has responsibilities ie her child IMO she can't afford the luxury of working but not earning.

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:53

Unless of course she has another form of income in which case fair enough

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:54

The tax payers expense? Pull the other one! She'll be working 38 hours a week in a hospital. She'll get about 300 a month bursery. That's a damn sight cheaper for the NHS is it not?
If they weren't learning at the same time it would be classed as slave labour!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 18:54

For all we know, be never wanted the child in the first place. That's why I asked my original question.

If he never wanted the child and became a Father against his will, then it's fair enough that he's going travelling. If one of my ds's had an accident and created an unwanted pregnancy, I would want them to still follow their dreams. I'd support the mother too, but I would be pissed off if she thought she could follow her dream of studying while my son was denied his dream of travelling.

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:54

Attitudes like yours are what keep people down in this society.

Cannot believe she's getting slated for wanting to better themselves.

londonone · 17/09/2012 18:56

Oh brilliant is all the training she receives free? Silly me I thought it actually cost something to train a midwife, I didn't realise it was a money making scheme for the Nhs

GoldShip · 17/09/2012 18:56

You're still comparing the two when they are nothing alike.

'a dream of studying': she will be able to provide for her child, she will see the child, she at the end will have a career that will make sure she doesn't have to rely on government hand ours.

'a dream of traveling': no money for the child. No seeing the child. No career at the end unless he gets lucky. Just a selfish self indulgent thing to do

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/09/2012 18:57

I don't thnk she is doing wrong for wanting to better herself. I think she is wrong for thinking that she doesn't have to financially support her child but that her ex should. It's the double standards that piss me off.