To be pissed off with ex DP for stopping maintenance

[TraineeBabyCatcher]

Ex dp has ended his contract at work with effect from next month (decision was made months ago) he has decided to go travelling for a while (could be weeks, could be months, I don't know, I suspect latter from what has been said) and has informed me today that that will mean the end of maintenance.

Am I being unreasonable to think seen as he has been planning this for months he could have saved some money to give for ds seen as he won't be working.

Is it a full moon? MN has been full of right shitters lately.

Op please don't take this a good cross section of people on MN. YANBU but people who are putting down your studying are morons. I was a single parent and started a degree....I must have been such a huge "drain" on society. God forbid I get a degree, and earn enough to pay more tax than a minimum wage job. Being a parent is demonstrating to your children you can achieve anything. Well done op for doing something great.

Just for future reference AIBU is notorious for shirty responses. Your ex is a knob

There must be a full moon Cunning.
There have been a right load of nasty shits lately.
Here OP have a

Op you're doing a brilliant thing, if I wore a hat id take it off to you. Fuck the idiots who have no idea what it's like in the real world. Good luck and try to have fun!!

OP, YANBU. Follow your dream.

I am and at some of the attitudes expressed on this thread.

OP - you are doing a good thing. Don't be dragged down by the parent haters

What double standard outraged?

Come on, please explain the 'double standard' that has your knickers in such a knot.

Person A I am going off to who knows where, for who knows how long and I wont be contributing anything to my dependents.

Person B I am going to study for a very difficult degree that includes full time working hours for not much money. When I qualify I will be able to provide a much better standard of living for me son and will pay tax to the government that paid for my training. In the meantime, we will manage financially but we wont be very well off.

MN Vipers - You are both as bad as each other and shouldnt have had children if you are not going to get a proper job to support them.

Fuck me, I have seen it all now.

OP YANBU, he is a selfish prick and yes I do think that you should make it clear to his parents that he isnt paying anything while he is away. Bitchy? Probably, but fuck him, he clearly doesnt give two shiney shites about you and your DS.

How is it double standards?

Op is there for her child, her studies are pretty much on the job training, she does get paid for working (a pittance but she does bring in an income).

I don't get this mentality at all. What is OP meant to do?

Live on benefits? Ever tried that, it's not possible. Work for a pittance at a minimum wage job which still would not fully fund a household with a child, so again it would be topped up with benefits.

OP's current plan will give her a chance of a decent quality of life, she will be contributing to society not only thro her taxes but also via her skills as a midwife.

You cannot compare OP to her feckless ex there's a heaven and earth difference between the two.

And honestly for every judgemental post here it must be amazing to live a charmed life of guaranteed incomes.

For me personally when I read the OP the thought but there for the grace of God....came to mind.

It's not easy studying as an adult, it's even less easy studying as an adult with a child and a feckless ex.

OP is amazing, I hope you do amazing and wish you all the best.

Oh, and TraineeBabyCatcher (great name, by the way), you are not being unreasonable and your ex is being irresponsible. Good luck with your studies.

Outraged

The difference is that anything the OP takes from the state in terms of her training will be more than paid back by a) her working for the NHS for practically nothing and b) when she is qualified she will pay tax and NI, month in and month out.

Will her ex do that to cover the period he was away and not supporting his child? No. Will his travels make him better qualified to get a higher paying job? V v unlikely.

He is on an extended holiday, she is making sure that she is a fully contributing, tax paying member of society. How you can think that the two are even vaguely comparable suggests that either you are being deliberately inflammatory or you have been on the !

I do love the name trainee baby catcher BTW. I had a trainee baby catcher when I had my first and she was better than the qualified one!

Thank you everyone. You have made me feel a lot better. I start in a week and I won't let anyone put a damper on my excitement and happiness to be able to do this.

I had an almost TBC when I had DC5 and she was marvellous. She went to ring her mum afterwards as she had literally just qualified and it was her first solo delivery. I think I got her as I had only been in labour 3 hours when I started pushing and they figured that after 4 kids I knew pretty much what I was doing. She was wonderful and very calm, although she told me afterwards she was shaking like a leaf!

TraineeBabyCatcher
well done for you for creating a better life for you and your DC.

Some of the attitudes towards you on this thread are just staggering.

There is no double standard here,just some small minded people that judge without walking a mile in op shoes. she could be earning 30k a year and the state will still support kids by way of child benefit. its so wrong of some mns to say that neither of them are paying for the child. op is doing all she can to put food in dc mouth.whilst the father is doing what he can to not help feed their child. fairplay to op doing her upmost for a better life.

OP there are only a couple of people on this thread who are being

The rest of us think you are doing great!

HappyMummyOfOneMon 17-Sep-12 19:05:59

I think there are a lot of double standards when it comes to maintainance, men that dont work so cant pay are the devil yet women who dont work and dont financially pay for the child are not vilified in the same way.

Both are not supporting the child so both equally as bad as each other.

And there are a lot of double standards with the actual bringing up of the children as well.
Single dads are hero worshipped while single mums are vilified.

Dark
You make an interesting point, and one I had not considered before. And I can see what you mean about it.

However two points I can draw from that is that if the boot was on the other foot and it was the mother that was the absent one and was not paying she would be slated just as much- we just dont hear about it as much.
And secondly women who do not work do get slated. They get slated for being on benefits, 'dole dosers' etc, having kids they cant pay for etc etc, its just there is no mention of the father at that point as it has no relivence.

Either way, neither can be applied to me in the whole as i have worked, have saved money, have inherited money which has enabled me to support ds and continue my education. Thankfully.

trainee i agree with you compleatly none paying nrp's or ones that for what ever reason only pay the £5 (divided amongst all kids) seam to get a very easy ride in comparrison to mothers who dont work.

on here my ex (wealthy but a self employed liar) gets away with £5 pw yet i was called unreasonable for being cross about it because he pays £5, i have never been on any benefits in my life and even if i was im damn sure i would contribute more than £5pw of any benefits i recived in my own right towards my kids.it seams to sometimes come across as bloke on benefits = but hes paying what he should but if the mum is also on benefits = state paying. on cm threads minimum payers dont get slated but on benefit bashing threads they do but the mums or rp's get it on both

i also think that there are some seriously fucked up attitudes towards did he want the dc or not like deciding you dont want a dc after the fact means you get a get out clause.

iykwim?

Hope it all goes well for you OP!