Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

was mil unreasonable to tell dp off for having his (clean) feet on tge coffee table in our own home?

141 replies

honeytea · 17/09/2012 12:24

Trivial post really, I was more surprised than annoyed.

Mil, fil and grandparents (in law) came over for dinner last night. DP made a lovely dinner for everyone. After dinner we went to sit in tge living room, he insisted his parents and grandparents sat on the sofa and he sat on the office chair. The office chair tips back slightly so dp put his feet on the coffee table, its a big table so he wasn't interfering with anyone's drinks. Mil snapped at him "take your feet off tge table!" he did and looked a little sheepish.

He had just socks on and had just had a shower before they arrived so his feet were clean, we have no shoes in tge house so it's not like the floors get dirty from outside germs.

I mentioned to dp when they had left that I think it was a bit unfair for mil to tell him what to do in his own home, he's 35 years old and he wants to out his feet on his coffee table in his house he is well within his rights to do so in my opinion!

Aibu to think she was rude to tell him off like a naughty child?

OP posts:
mcsquared · 17/09/2012 17:28

MIL tells my husband off all the time. I leave them to it, he knows how to handle his own mother! My mum tells me off too, and she'll continue to have every right to!

Socknickingpixie · 17/09/2012 17:35

honeytea, dont fret the feet on coffee table thing is a very odd thing in the uk very much like coasters,saying pardon or what when you dont hear something and levels of emotion. its very subjective depending on your families rules.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 17/09/2012 17:41

This thread has made me put my (clean, besocked) feet on the coffee table. It's not very comfortable though so now I've metaphorically stuck my tongue out at you, I'm going to take them off now, okay?

WanderingWhistle · 17/09/2012 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 17/09/2012 18:22

'This made me laugh as my PIL puts his feet our OUR coffee table in OUR house when he comes over.
He's got a bad leg and thinks he can do what he likes.'

He would soon be disabused of this belief in our home and the table would magically vanish for all his visits before my children got the idea this is in any way acceptable.

HellonHeels · 17/09/2012 18:35

I don't think no feet on the coffee table is a UK phenomenon. I wasn't brought up in the UK and feet on coffee table is horrible to me. YABU

CassandraApprentice · 17/09/2012 18:35

I'd be same as you OP Shock - that how I've been when MIL has done similar with DH not feet on table but other things like sticking his tongue out in fun at me his wife in our house. However I've left to for DH to deal with.

My parents have been as bad stopping with me then at night telling me when its my bed time in my house and its usually way to early.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 17/09/2012 18:40

I think that whe it's your house and your coffee table, it was their drinks on it (and however far away the feet were from the drinks, it's awful to see feet on the same surface you're about to eat/drink from).

Even if she wasn't his mother, any guest would NBU to ask that feet were not sharing a surface with their food or drink.

Crinkle77 · 17/09/2012 18:44

It doesn't matter how old you are, you will always be your parents children. And it's probably a generational thing too.

FredFredGeorge · 17/09/2012 19:05

No feet on coffee table (part of which is showing feet) is not unique to UK at all it's very common, however it's not very common in the UK at all compared to other cultures so it's not universal - large numbers of people don't think it's bad mannered at all.

SauvignonBlanche · 17/09/2012 19:11

It doesn't matter how old your DH is, your MIL is still his mother and may slip into 'Mummy mode' at times.
My darling DM used to still tell me off when I as 40, as long as it's not constant I'd find it endearing.
I guess it all depends on tone and context, neither of which have been described.

cricketballs · 17/09/2012 19:15

It's a mother being a mother! I'm married with 2 DC and my mum still goes to hold my hand when crossing a road!

diddl · 17/09/2012 19:15

Personally I think feet on a table is a no no under any circs.

But it was being used as a table at the time?

dobalina · 17/09/2012 19:21

I have no beef with (clean socked) feet on our coffee table. We have a very small house, stuff has to have more than one use.

ovenchips · 17/09/2012 21:24

OP Please stop taking this thread as a character assassination and being defensive. You have nothing to prove about yourself, your upbringing, the values you hold or your cleanliness! There are simply two camps: those that do not want anyone's feet, however clean, on any table, and those who wouldn't bat an eyelid. And as I said upthread ne'er the twain shall meet. Personally, I couldn't give a shiny shite if someone plonked their feet, well, pretty much anywhere.

It's obvious now that your MIL's comment has really got under your skin because you think she is really judging you through the comment to her DS/your DP. She wasn't!

Original poster
honeytea · 17/09/2012 22:51

The issue wasn't actually the feet on the table, it was more the mother telling off a grown man. It's really interesting to hear that it is normal for a mother to tell off a grown up, my relationship with my mother is not like that so it's a little unusual for me.

I am supprised that people have such strong opinions about feet on coffee tables, it has been an education for me, I will refrain from putting my feet on the coffee table when we have guests.

OP posts:
diddl · 18/09/2012 06:56

I think it´s odd to tell off a grown man about something he is doing in his own house.

Although if the table had peoples drinks on it I think it was rude of him & would have wanted to say something.

Or I might just have removed my drink.

My kids are teens now & I don´t really tell them off.

Can´t imagine that I´m going to start again-especially not in their own homes!

I´m sure if I don´t like something/disagree I can let them know without telling them off as I would a child.

halcyondays · 18/09/2012 07:22

My MIL would probably tell DH off for something like that. I wouldn't have thought anything of it. If your dh isn't bothered, then why are you?

Original poster
honeytea · 18/09/2012 07:33

The cups of coffee were bring held so not on the table.

I think it's a good lesson for me as to how not to nag as I don't think it really works anyway.

OP posts:
MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 18/09/2012 07:37

My MIL tells my DH off a fair amount - I tend to grit my teeth and ignore it. He's an adult and it's down to him to tell her to back off (and he does, on occasion) If she tries to rope me in then I feel it's my place to tell her to stop (if I disagree with her, which is quite a lot actually Grin) On the other hand, I don't think my Mum has told me off since I was a teenager. We have a more equal relationship than DH/MIL do and I think I prefer that tbh.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 18/09/2012 07:41

Thinking about it more, it's quite odd. MIL and I have quite an equal relationship - she never 'mothers' me and we can talk through disagreements the same way I do with my Mum or my friends. I wonder if it's a gender thing or a mother/son thing?

WhatYouLookingAt · 18/09/2012 07:43

Of course its not a mother son thing. More lazy gender stereotyping. Hmm

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 18/09/2012 07:46

Which is why I was wondering rather than stating. Hmm back at you :P

And at 7.45am I can be as lazy as I like.

Original poster
honeytea · 18/09/2012 08:02

I think it anoys me as it is a representation of how she treats us as children still, I wasn't ever told no you can't do that with no explanation/discussion even when I was a child so it's odd to see adults be told a blanket no don't do that.

There is an ongoing drama about the baby's cot, we have been given a co-sleeper that we have set up and intend to use, we have also been given a family heirloom bed that DP's great grandmother and everyone in the family has slept in, its very cute but has low sides (about a foot) so the chance of a baby falling out once they can sit is fairly high. We decided to use the family bed as a sleeing place in the living room, there are a couple of small chips in the paint but we are not that worried about it looking like new it is an old cot afterall. DP told mil we are going to use it we just need to buy a matress and mil was unhappy that it wasn't going to be painted so she has decided to paint it which is lovely of her. She went out and bought the matress with 2 pillows and a duvet, I said to her that the advice in the uk (where i am from) is that babies shouldn't have a pillow or a duvet and she said well that is nosense. Also she has bought this very expensive underlay to protect the matress that goes under the baby's bum incase of wee/poo spills. I said that was great thankyou, we were also planning on using those disposable changing mats under the sheet incase of baby sick, she was horrified saying the baby will overheat.

She has also said I must give the baby a dummy or it will become overweight because it will want to breast feed all the time and will learn to walk late.

I do like her lots she is fun and kind just a little bossy and that is fine so long as she doesn't try to boss me about!

OP posts:
diddl · 18/09/2012 08:10

"I wonder if it's a gender thing or a mother/son thing?"

Well I wonder if it´s a MIL thing that some will do to "prove"(?) to the wife that they still have influence?