was mil unreasonable to tell dp off for having his (clean) feet on tge coffee table in our own home?

[honeytea]

Trivial post really, I was more surprised than annoyed.

Mil, fil and grandparents (in law) came over for dinner last night. DP made a lovely dinner for everyone. After dinner we went to sit in tge living room, he insisted his parents and grandparents sat on the sofa and he sat on the office chair. The office chair tips back slightly so dp put his feet on the coffee table, its a big table so he wasn't interfering with anyone's drinks. Mil snapped at him "take your feet off tge table!" he did and looked a little sheepish.

He had just socks on and had just had a shower before they arrived so his feet were clean, we have no shoes in tge house so it's not like the floors get dirty from outside germs.

I mentioned to dp when they had left that I think it was a bit unfair for mil to tell him what to do in his own home, he's 35 years old and he wants to out his feet on his coffee table in his house he is well within his rights to do so in my opinion!

Aibu to think she was rude to tell him off like a naughty child?

Don't care if his feet were bathed in dettol, its still minging.

I'd have told my 30 year old son off too.Very bad manners.He was brought up to know better.I'm sure that his partner would agree,in fact she probably would have pre empted me.

But we don't eat of that table, is it bad to out your feet on the sofa? I must say ny upbringing was pretty lax, I think I have missed social rules!

Yep, never too old to be told off by mum. My mum does to both me and bro, and he's nearly 40.

[Coughes] it is a coffee table, and not a pouffe after all. I keep having to tell dd1 off for clambering on the sofa and she's nearly 3.

'But we don't eat of that table,'

It's not a foot cushion. Putting feet on a table = vile.

Hahhahaha my MIL tells DH too, much to my amusement because it's the same stuff I tell him off for

Have to say we're a feet on the coffee table house too! So is MIL's house! In fact we've both bought coffee tables that are for this exact purpose If drinks go on they have a coaster and in both houses we dont wear shoes.

(wouldn't do it on anyone else's house!)

Your MIL was well within her rights to tell him off, he was well within his to say no. Maybe it's because of the grandparents being there and judging her parenting?!

"I must say ny upbringing was pretty lax, I think I have missed social rules"

Clearly

Perhaps you could ask your MIL for some tips.. :)

MIL used to say to DH not got a razor in your house if he hadn't shaved mums do that kind of thing even with grown ups habit i guess

Totally bewildered by the strong reactions to feet on a coffee table. I can maybe understand it if it was the dinner table and people were eating but WTF is wrong with putting your feet on your own coffee table? I don't care anyway I do it all the time.

"My mil had a go at my DP the other week for playing on his phone when we were out for dinner"

Now that I agree with. Totally bad manners to use your phone at the table

I just can't see the logic because you are more likely to touch a foot stool or the sofa with your hands than you are to touch the coffee table.

I must ask mil for some tips or my soon to be born baby will grow up a slob like me!

I never saw newly washed feet as being dirty, my party trick as a child was to play the piano with my toes, that must have shocked my mum's more proper friends!

It is social etiquette OP, manners etc..

No feet on tables, dont fart when you have guests, children not jumping on furniture...

YANBU

It's his home and his coffee table (as well as yours of course) so its nothing to do with her

You should have said 'don't worry mil I need to disinfect it later anyway from all the shagging we've were doing on it before your arrived'

TBH, he deserved it. Even with parent's I wouldn't like feet on a table I had drinks on.

Even clean feet.

I wouldn't mention it to the person, but he was her son. :o

SqueakyToy has summed it up nicely.

As for parents telling their children off, my mother told me off once for the way I washed up knives. I was in my sixties. Unfortunately, I know that I pick up my son occasionally because he tells me where to go.

I think it's just one of those things that you either do or you don't, and you'll never think the opposite view is right, bit like shoes in the house.

Your unborn DC will probably soon learn that there are different rules at Granny's house, my MIL thinks I'm odd for always taking my shoes off in the house, I think she's odd for wearing hers, we get by, and both find it very funny when 16 month old DS makes her take her shoes off when she comes round!

Mil is a funny one, we went to stay at her house with my little sister who is 7, dsis was practising long jump in mil's kitchen I told dsis that she was not to do that as there was a high chance she would jump into one of mil's expensive objects or jump into a sharp edge and hurt herself. Mil undermined me and said it was fine for dsis to long jump in the kitchen she was afterall only a child!

Mil and grandmother (in law) have very different parenting ideas, they had already had an argument over if our yet to be born child should have a dummy, I have taken to staying quiet during such conversations.

I think we need to buy a foot stool, we only have room for one extra item of furniture in the living room, is it rude to put. Magazines and cups on a foot stool? I'd try and find a sturdy looking one.

I think you're kind of missing the point here op.

The thing is your MIL is his mum and through sheer force of habit told him off for something she thought was unacceptable. She probably feels his behaviour reflects on her.

I'd ignore completely. If she's still teaching him manners it's absolutely to your advantage I'd say.

We were brought up to be kind and thoughtful but the household things like making the bed and feet in inappropriate places were not enforced.

We all put our feet on the table in this house too - it gets cleaned every day and I haven't found a foot stool I like enough to buy yet.

We don't eat off that table and our lips don't touch the part of the cup that get s put on the table

You are going to have problems if you think its fine to put your kids' feet up on coffee tables. They will visit friends and their mothers and friends would not appreciate it.

Good manners start in the home first.

Errr how? There are plenty of things we do at home that ds knows that people don't do in their houses. He wouldn't sit down and put his feet up on the table in someone else's house any more than I would.

And ds is often complimented on what beautiful manners he has

The minute DS worked out grandma was my mother he trotted off and said 'Grandma, will you tell Mummy to give me more juice?'

Your MIL forgot herself and defaulted into mother mode when faced with something she didn't like. It isn't a big deal, is it? And if it is, it's your DH that has to tackle her about it.