was mil unreasonable to tell dp off for having his (clean) feet on tge coffee table in our own home?

[honeytea]

Trivial post really, I was more surprised than annoyed.

Mil, fil and grandparents (in law) came over for dinner last night. DP made a lovely dinner for everyone. After dinner we went to sit in tge living room, he insisted his parents and grandparents sat on the sofa and he sat on the office chair. The office chair tips back slightly so dp put his feet on the coffee table, its a big table so he wasn't interfering with anyone's drinks. Mil snapped at him "take your feet off tge table!" he did and looked a little sheepish.

He had just socks on and had just had a shower before they arrived so his feet were clean, we have no shoes in tge house so it's not like the floors get dirty from outside germs.

I mentioned to dp when they had left that I think it was a bit unfair for mil to tell him what to do in his own home, he's 35 years old and he wants to out his feet on his coffee table in his house he is well within his rights to do so in my opinion!

Aibu to think she was rude to tell him off like a naughty child?

Ds often says he will tell Granny of me

I'm actually with you OP. Yes some people think its bad manners, his mum probably dud just go into mum mode but I'd still be at someone (anyone) telling another adult how to behave in their own home.

im with you as well op, people are perfectly capable of relaxing the rules in there own homes without doing it in other peoples.

my mother wouldnt dream of telling me off in my own home,hers perhaps or outdoors mabey but most certainly not in my own home. its extreamly ill manored and oversteps decent boundries.

Well he shouldn't have had his feet on the table!

I think it's ok. She is his mother. She's not asking you to do anything, just probably repeating what she said to her son for years.

YABU.

feet on table is nasty.

Feet on the table is just wrong OP. I'd tell my son off for it no matter what table it was. Or his age.

its his house his table and his feet. he can put his feet on anything he bloody wants to.

Your mother in law was quite right. Yabu I'm afraid

1. He shouldn't have put his feet on the table when there were guests present. (DH would do this, but it would be me telling him to get his feet off the table.)

1. She shouldn't tell him what to do in his own house but should use catsbum mouth to show her disaproval, like all proper MsIL

YANBU - the she's his mother so she should be allowed to tell him off is not an automatic right of mothers, that ends when he becomes an adult (or even earlier) I certainly would not tolerate my mother telling me off over anything - like any close friend I would accept her asking me not to do something in her own house - but then that's not likely both because I would not be rude enough to do something I know she wouldn't like and she wouldn't be rude enough to object on a triviality.

It's not your place to care though other than to wonder why your DP is so childlike around his mother?

There's nothing wrong with feet on a coffee table, indeed the fact he did it when he knows his mother disapproves may unconciously suggest that he does want to make it clear that it's his own place and he can do what he want. Of course he let himself down with by then being so meek - probably though he was just showing how relaxed he was in his own home with his family, and because of that your MIL was very rude and should not have done it.

YANBU.

If my mother had said that I'd have said, "When it's your coffee table, you get to complain; as you used to say to me, when you're paying the bills, you make the decisions."

Not the easiest mother, and a very trying MIL.

I'm nearly fifty. My mum still asks me if I've got my train fare and remembered my coat.

We will all be the same.

I suppose I thought if she has not managed to instill the no feet on the table in the 20 years he lived at home its a bit late to start now, maybe if it was something serious like no drinking alcohol before lunch or a shower at least ever other day it might be worth mentioning.

honeytea Mon 17-Sep-12 15:29:48
I suppose I thought if she has not managed to instill the no feet on the table in the 20 years he lived at home its a bit late to start now, maybe if it was something serious like ... a shower at least ever other day it might be worth mentioning.

Sorry, but eww!

I cannot believe what I read. Some posters obviously know the mannerly way to behave and others think that manners do not matter in your own home. This is where you bring up your children so it does matter how adults behave at home.

It has been stated several times that putting your feet on any kind of table or work surface is bad manners but others say that it doesn't matter. It does matter. No wonder this country is going the way it is when people learn through Mumsnet what is acceptable behaviour but do not accept that others are right and they are wrong so try to improve themselves.

A shower needs to be had everyday. No excuses (except illness or water problems)

RuleBritannia Mon 17-Sep-12 16:15:47
No wonder this country is going the way it is when people learn through Mumsnet what is acceptable behaviour but do not accept that others are right and they are wrong

Wonderful spoof post!

She is his mum. It's stamped into your brain after 20 years.

And feet on a coffee table is grim.

I bet in his mind it is a footstool that sometimes comes in handy as a coffee table.

I bet it didn't even cross her mind that it was 'his own home' and all that. It's her son as has been for years. It's just a habit I suppose.

After 35 years of being a Mum, you just go into automatic mode. I might have thought your dp would have replied along the lines of "This is our home, Mum, and our rules. We're comfortable putting clean feet onto the coffee table" or made it into a joke, the fact he sheepishly removed them suggests that he realises it's not really a very socailly acceptable thing to do.

Ach, I wouldn't pay any mind to it. From this thread it's clear that opinion on the rightness of feet on coffee table is divided and never the twain shall meet. Please remember that it's absolutely not a veiled criticism of you and everything to do with a mum doing what she's always done.

Your DP doesn't seem exactly traumatised so roll your eyes and let it go.

I do shower every day, dp showers twice a day which I'd a little ott unless he's been to the gym in my opinion but if it makes him happy that's all that matters my point was that unless you are doing something that is incredibly socially unacceptable such as not showering for a week I can't see the need for parental intervention.

rule Britannia I assume bassed on your name me and you do not live in the same country. Me and my dp are both conscience members of society, we donate both time and money to charity, help out our friends and families as much as possible, I am the first to stand up on public transport when an older person gets on the train even though I'm 7 months pregnant, it seems most other commuters are oblivious to tge needs of orgers if us putting our feet on our coffee table somehow makes us bad people then there is something wrong with the way people are judged.