to think that arguing and swearing in front of your children harms them

[BurntToastSmell]

So me and DH have a difference of opinion on this. He thinks that arguing in front of your children (to the point where the children - a toddler and a baby - are crying) is 'normal' and acceptable. He doesn't think it harms them in any way because "everyone does it".

I cannot accept this. Not when I see how distressed the children get. Not when I hear my 2 year old daughter repeat her father's words: "Piss off!"

It breaks my heart.

Am I being precious? Am I over-reacting? I feel sick to my stomach about the affect tonight's argument had on the children. It took me ages to comfort and calm down the baby. DH and I don't argue frequently, but when we do, there tends to be shouting and nasty words involved.

DH will only accept academic evidence in the form of journals (mature, I know). Does anyone know of any studies which have shown that such behaviour harms young children?

All we know is it doesn't happen often and shouting with nasty words are involved.Well shouting happens and sorry although "piss off" isn't ideal and disrespectful it's not the worse thing to be said and we don't know what the op said.

We don't know what it was about.Maybe the op had been utterly unreasonable and the husband was objecting.Maybe op had said her bit and the husband was replying.

We don't know.

Op didn't mention being threatened or being sworn at just that she was told to piss off.Sorry I hate this baying trial by MN and scaremongering when very little is actually known anyway.

And it takes 2 to argue-you can't argue to yourself.

YANBU.

How sad for them :( That is not the stuff of happy memories.

I do, however, feel its important to teach our children that it's okay to stand up for yourself and voice your opinion, and if these conversations turn into something slightly more heated, that's okay too. You can have a difference of opinion from, and even an argument with, someone and still love them. Shouting, swearing, name calling and worse are not okay.

I agree with you saying the odd argument isn't damaging to children long term prarie, it the DHs attitude and refusal to accept the big shouting/swearing won't affect his children that makes me feel uncomfortable.

The OP did say she was being sworn at - it's in the title

I grew up in what sounds to be a similar atmosphere to adversecamber, dinners being thrown across the room were especially memorable.

I was a pretty aggressive person when I was younger and was always provoking arguments and worse, but I only argue with DH about once or twice a year at a push - it gets so long between them I can't remember what the last ones were about to bring up the details to use against him .

I think that's mostly luck tbh, we just don't spark each other and can't be arsed, the other part is down to me growing up and being less needy/attention seeking (and that's not insinuating anyone who argues is needy/attention seeking).

We argue sometimes. Never shouting, or swearing, but yes we have disagreements. The point is we always show we've made up and I explain that sometimes people fall out but it's important to make friends again.

Calling names or swearing is not acceptable. For a start, what's it teaching your children about the way they deserve to be treated by their own future partners?

Everyone argues. But there should be respect there too.

There is a great book written by an academic, called "not in front of the children", it summarises all the peer reviewed evidence as to why arguing in front (or away) from your kids is not a good move (and what the effects are). The author is Prof Harold, so should satisfy your husband (and bye there have been numerous studies that show the same thing published since that book)