Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

Jesus, this gets worse!! Those poor kids!

Did you study childcare it just go into the job blind?

I work in a nursery more and have worked in different sectors of childcare for years, child protection and basics of how SS works is pretty much first thing you need to learn IME.

He neglects his own children because 'he doesn't want the hassle of their mother'?

OP why haven't you answered the questions regarding why he hasn't asked his children where they live and go to school?

Has there been a court order preventing him from going to either of those places?

I did it for a few years.

Can i tip SS off without revealing who i am ?

Yes you can OP.

How do you not know this stuff after doing courses?

worra i ve no idea why he hasnt asked them.

Definatly no court order preventing him from going to these places.

So if you fell pregnant almost straight away you have been together maximum a year and your married now.

You haven't known these children long enough to build up a good relationship then have it break down.

But SS aren't going to come in and wave a magic wand, are they? If they want to take the children away, they'll want them to go to their nearest family..i.e. your DH. Or would you prefer they were in care?

I'm going to leave this thread shortly as it is really upsetting me.

So involved with these children are you and your DH, the Mother and her DF and at least one set of Grandparents, yet none of you have the gumption and the compassion to help these children. You stopped caring because they didnt get down on their knees to thank you for Christmas presents.

Your DH is a spineless knobber who needs to stand up for his children.

its a long time since i did childcare.

I will ring SS myself then if i can do it without revealing who i am

Can't you or your dh talk to the grandparents?

Perhaps you need to rethink your whole attitude to them. Don't resent them, shout at them and punish them. Teach them.

Accept that they arrive in dirty clothes. Have clean clothes available on their arrival and this first thing they do is jump in the bath. You have to clean it after then but needs must.

After the bath comb both of their heads thoroughly with a Nitty Gritty so they are not passing on their nits.

Then work really hard to keep an eye on them the whole time. When they go to the toilet send them back to wipe, flush and wash hands every single time. Don't ask if they've done it, just send them. When they start to protest that they have done it, go and check immediately.

When they put something where it shouldn't be send them back to put it away immediately. Do this calmly, pleasantly but firmly EVERY SINGLE TIME.

They are quite small children. They will eventually learn that it is easier to put things in the right place the first time but only if someone is on their case every minute of the time they are with you.

When it is time for them to leave give them back the dirty clothes to put on and keep the other set to wash for next time.

It is important that they feel at home in their father's home and I'd rather be teaching them good habits now than starting when they are teenagers. A fair few teens end up going to live with the other parent when the teenage rebellion kicks in. Wouldn't you rather start teaching them now how to behave in your house than later on if that happens?

You need to find out the name of the school/address.

Yes you can be anonymous but dont be!

The children need to know there is someone rooting for them, your DH ness to step up and speak up. Surely he could speak to grand parents?

Good post gold

You are having a child with this man?

Are you planning on treating your own child differently to this? These children are going to feel even worse about themselves when they have to watch another child being favoured over themselves.

And you need to question why you would rather talk to the SS anon than their own father, YOUR dh finding out.

Pretty gross, I guess their mum is trying to save water by not flushing.
Water saving rule...'if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down'...

I agree with previous posters that he needs to teach them about the loo.
Shoes left in trip over places...isn't that normal? Advice on this one for me too please.

I agree with Goldmandra, except I don't think she meant for them to put on their dirty clothes, because you can wash them while they're wearing the ones they keep at yours.

First thing I'd do - bath, wash clothes, de-nit and feed.

Who the fuck doesn't even ask their own children which school they go to?

So the kids would be coming to our house to be de loused and bathed?

When would DH get any fun time with them if hes constantly watching them, picking up on everything they do etc.

They might not want to come then as they feel that they are constantly being got at etc

Reminding doesn't equal telling off.

Everything Gold said. I know you have your own baby on the way, but you knew your DH had children when you married him, you accepted them as part of the package. I'm slightly shocked that you think the appropriate first course of action here is to call SS rather than to start to make them feel welcomed, cared for and loved in your home. Yes, by all means involve SS if you feel the care they get from their mum isn't right, but not welcoming and looking after the kids when they are with you just makes everything even worse for them. Poor, poor children