Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

Er, yes they will, you and your DH are a part of neglect, you are sitting by whilst these children apparently are walking around with nits, soiled clothes and cant read. Of course SS will look at you.

Getting those kids away from everyone who is currently involved with them would help them a great deal.

If this is all true of course.

And I really dont think it possibly can be, and will be reporting you OP.

You are a threat to the kids because you are neglecting them.

Reading through your other threads, you come across as selfish and whiny. Its all about you. What you want, what you feel, what you get.

I hope SS do get involved and those children find someone to care for them and look after them. Far away from you and being made to feel like a nuisance.

DH is in denial. This makes me question about my expectations

He's wrong.

oh i give up

Does your husband have learning difficulties? Genuine question, because otherwise I am utterly unable to comprehend that a grown man can so easily allow his children to be so badly neglected.

Your writing is articulate too, but the severe lack of acknowledgement and understanding about the situation these children are in is appalling.

If you do both have some sort of difficulties, then contact SS for help, because you damn well need some.

Yes you have. Given up on these children.

Shame on you.

Really OP, you would come up smelling of fucking roses would you!!!! Let's look then

Children come round filthy, you do nothing to change this, you in fact stopped them staying because you couldn't be bothered to clean them up.

They have nits, which you ignore

You are aware they are behind and you ignore it.

And do you know what even if they don't lay blame at you, they will at DH and then your kid becomes a question mark.

So fucking angry, it's very similar to when my dad convinced my mum not to go to the police when I was 13 when I finally confessed my uncle (mums brother) had been sexually abusing me for years, she didn't as was scared my dad, and he said they'd look bad, turns out years later when I went to the police there was strong evidence to suggest my dad had been on a nice little earner for the priveledge (sp) and didn't want it investigating too closely.

Your Husband doesn't want SS involved because he's been a shit parent too. You two deserve each other, just not the poor kids stuck in the middle.

Not sure what articulate means?

No DH isnt special needs, has dyslexia if that counts, but no mental special needs

Hellloooooooooooooooo!

Could you at least acknowledge that these kids are neglected and that the whole lot of you need help? Could you do that? Or do you really think there's nothing wrong here and it's all just a bit pissy that the whole thing, you know, annoys you a bit?

If I was in SugaPlum's position, my heart would be breaking for these kids, and my conscience wouldn't let me do nothing.

Fwiw, wet towels and clothes on the floor, shoes dumped everywhere, and not putting stuff away is pretty normal kid stuff - I am forever tripping over enormous teenage-boy trainers and skate shoes, and no amount of reminding seems to change that here. The hygiene and nit issues are not normal - though mine do sometimes forget to flush, it's not a regular occurrence.

OP - you need to involve yourself in these kids' lives, because, as everyone else has said, their parents are neglecting them, and like it or not, you are a part of their lives - it's called step parenting because it does involve parenting, not because it doesn't.

You have not once on this thread acknowledged how awful it must be for these poor children.

Could you do that?

Fucking hell. I feel sick reading this. My girls are 10 and 8. They leave their shoes in the middle of the floor and sometimes forget to flush the loo.

They are CHILDREN.

Their father doesn't know what school they go to? WTF?

OP. I've had stepchildren. Tricky ones. And I know it's hard to speak to your partner, because he will defend them and his ex and you feel like you don't know anything, and the kids may well be hostile to you anyway. I do recall all of that.

But you are in a position of responsibility with these kids. You are the ADULT. Doesn't sound like either of the parents are.

Take a step back. Look at these poor kids actual lives. They are the ones having a fucking horrendous time. Please change your attitude. You could be the difference in these poor children ever feeling loved or not. De nit them, get them a wardrobe of clothes of yours, LET THEM STAY. And also, you are pregnant, these are your childs siblings? Justify your shitty treatment of them to him or her when she is older?

Please read and take the advice on this thread. It's actually made me quite tearful.

of course i can, why do you think im on here discussing it?

If i didnt care, i wouldnt have posted on here

If i didnt care, i wouldnt be on DH back all the time about involving SS

So you can ignore the neglect of two children so long as you know that your own child will be cared for, apparently entirely by you.

Have you thought about what would happen if for some reason you were unable to care for him/her?

Well I think you're discussing it here because you're annoyed and not because you give a mouse sized shite about the children. That's what I think.

What Madge said.

Can you actually say 'it must be really awful for those poor children'

Are you hoping that SS will take these children into care then you wouldnt have to see them? If your DH picks his children up from the GPs why cant he talk to them, if it is as bad as you say then I cant believe that no one cares, if it were my SC they would not be going home.

DH doesnt get on with their grandparents, they are very close to their daughter and naturally you take there side when things do wrong in your childs life

But nothing has changed from the thread you started about exactly the same thing months ago.

So how can you possibly care??

This thread has made me want to hug my kids that bit tighter when they come home from football in a while

What Dreams said. How do you let them go back? Imagine your own baby living in that.

I think the other posters should be showing some compassion for OP. She's heavily pregnant to a guy who is clearly an inadequate useless wanker. She HAS shown some concern and compassion for the kids and he is just brushing it aside and not getting involved. Sometimes when you are in a situation like this you don't see it clearly until you get the views of other people. Well OP you have had plenty of feedback now, so hopefully you can understand just how bad the situation of these kids actually is. And get some help for them. And I hope you have someone to support you as well when the baby arrives, because I don't think you'll get much help from your other half.