Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

Situations like this, and much much worse, happen day in and day out but this post is, fortunately, utter tripe. Too much detail at times, then not answering questions. Trip trap, trip trap......

I thought that a while back Charlie

Want to give benefit of the doubt though Invar something can benefit these kids.

How long did you work in child care OP?

i feel like i have given up, i feel exhausted with it all.

I do to friends or my mums when they are here. Maybe i should stay more, i did stay all day last week, they played in the garden most of the day.

I ve spoken to DH about acting on what the kids tell us, speaking to their mother etc but he says that they will have a good telling off for telling him stuff and then the kids wont tell us anything again, as they wont be able to trust us to keep it to ourselves.

They have said dont tell my mum i ve told you etc in the past about things like if there mum says nasty things about us, and that there mum was pregnant etc and no we never mentioned it to their mum.

Come back and talk to us after you phone SS.

i worked in childcare about 2-3years, it was years ago and it was with under 5s.

No experience with children older than that.

I did just want to stick to the main OP but people were constantly asking questions so i started answering them and then it ended in a few hours of drip feeding!

Tell you want OP, PM me the sodding details and I will go to social services myself with the detail.

FWIW being a step parent means you take on responsibility and kids can learn two separate rules for houses my DSS has been managing for years.

You need to work out what you not so D husband can actually do and then work out a rota, so one week he cleans them and gets the washer on whilst you spend 30 mins doing time telling, spelling etc.

If SS had been involved in my life I wouldn't have tried to commit suicide when I was 17, my circumstances were different, but I had no one at all on my side and let me tell you it takes a lot to get over that.

If this was my DSS my DH would be barging his mums door down, walking off with him, whilst lodging papers at court, but then he can be fucking bothered with his son and not just disney dad, the crap stuff that comes with parenting, 10 years on we are reaping in spades the effort we have all put in and have a well adjusted slightly stroppy teen that's a delight.

Get a grip, get over yourself and sort the issue out before it's too late. You strike me as a pathetic person who wants everything her own way, and your husband is worse. If I'd even hinted that my DSS shouldn't stay because of any reason, my DH would have rightly hoofed me out.

Going to hide this now as it's so upsetting that this still happens and there is no one to stand up for them :(

I've mostly worked with under fives and have no children and even I know that a 10 year old who can't wipe their own bottom is a concern.

Well at the very least you could CLEAR THEIR NITS! !

If this is true you could be having a huge influence in the few days you have them. You have real concerns you say but still send them back to their mother sooner than you need to.

This sounds like a very extreme situation and if it is for real then only for the professionals to deal with now. Not sure why you can't recognise this, OP.

From an earlier post of yours.....

Can i ask why everyone seems to think their care falls on me??

Because, allegedgly, you are HUMAN.

Fuck this for a game of soldiers. You are in gross dereliction of your duty towards your stepchildren and your spectacular lack of humanity is so horrendous that I too am bordering on not believing it.

The first thing you are taught in child protection is that you cannot promise to keep in confidence a child protection issue. The duty of care to a child overrides the need to keep their secrets.

You must report this neglect. They might get told off?? They might get properly cleaned up and looked after and that's more important.

With Serenity, total bullshit, your dripfeeding, School would certainly know if they were walking around with soiled clothes, and being as neglected as you say.

The reality is I think, you have a new baby on the way and you want these two out of the way.

i ve been on MN awhile and believe me this is a genuine thread

Sadly I don't think OP is a troll I desperately read through all her old posts hoping she was but the the story works.

What I do think she is though going from this and other posts is someone who shouldn't be around children especially the step children. You obviously can't stand them OP so leave their father and find some other guy with out any children and I really hope you do better by your child than you have by these. Go get some parenting lessons too before your little one is born so you know how to treat children and support them however they need you to.

I wouldn't stand for seeing a friends children treated like this let alone my own step-children who should be just as important to you as a biological child would be.

In that case, sugarplum you are a disgrace, these children are neglected and you are complicit in that neglect. I truly hope your imminent arrival has better luck in life than his siblings.

Nah. If this is true and you've done nothing to alert the authorities about the godforsaken lives of these poor children then you yourself need fucking prosecuting. And I am quite sure the reason you want to report anonymously is that SS might start to take an interest in you and your DH. And they'd be right to.

Everyone here is appalled OP, yet you seem completely unruffled. Why?

You dont need to have experience of parenting 10yo's to know what sort of expectations to have. Surely you can remember being 10 yourself? because it doesnt seem as if it could have been very long ago either.. how old are you? 15?

I dont mind SS investigating us, they wont find anything on me to suggest im a threat to the kids.

I ve discussed many of times with DH about getting social services involved and hes always talked me out of it and make me realize that it wont help the situation.

i do remember being ten and when i ve mentioned the things i was able to do, DH seems to think i was very advanced for my age and sometimes thinks im lying about what i say i could do at that age to make his kids look bad

Are you serious? You aren't capable of meeting the children's basic needs. That's what they'll find (and it won't take long)