Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

Sorry to ask this but the children surely must smell, how has the school not picked up on this? Are they poor attenders?

I think most people would see soiled underwear on a 10yo as a problem. That's not your standards being to high; it is a problem. You need to be communicating with the school. If they smell, bullying could well be a factor.

Do you go out together? What happens when they come round?

OP, how do you know school haven't picked up on it, you and your DH don't even know what school they go to, for all you may know they might not be going....

This is such a sad story, I feel awful for those 2 children and the baby that has not yet been born

You don't even know where they live or where they go to school. How do you know they are going to school at all? How do you know the parents aren't raging pedophilies? How do you know the fiancé isn't a raging nazi who likes to torture small children? You know NOTHiNG, so how can you make those assumptions? How do you know someone else hasn't already contacted SS?

You do realise that your baby could suffer greatly from this entire situation don't you? Even if you don't care about them the situation has to be sorted for your baby.

Oh god this is awful. The poor kids sound so unloved and for you to have made an effort and then withdrawn when they weren't "good enough" for you is terrible. It doesn't work like that with children.

Do you already have children of your own or will this baby be your first?

They do sometimes smell, DH says he cant smell them - conveniently.

I dont know what DH does with them, as im not here.

I think he takes them out every other week and the other times he entertains them at home.

Im not aware of them being poor attenders, they never mentione missing school. They are poor learners, but apprently they have learning problems.

But its not viable in my eyes. The cant tell the time, read or write, only their name

I havent any concerns about my own child - theres no doubt my child wont be looked after.

What, now you are saying they can't read or write... Somebody has to step in for these children, for gods sake! These poor children are being neglected.

will be looked after should i say

I have 3 dc...one boy and 2 girls - 12, 9 and 7. I still have to remind them to flush the loo AND shout at them regularly (and I mean 3 times a day) to pick up their shoes and put them away....I have taken to putting them in their beds if they don't...seems to work. You are not being unreasonable but you are being entirely unrealistic as to what children do.

theres no doubt my child wont be looked after.

And the children that you are step mother too are what? Chopped liver.

And you will use your precious child as another stick to beat these poor children with. You sound cruel, nasty and spiteful OP.

how well are children suppose to be able to read and write at this age?

I ve never seen a reading book of theres so no idea what stage they are up to.

And you will use your precious child as another stick to beat these poor children with. You sound cruel, nasty and spiteful OP

I ve no idea what makes you think this.

Where have i said i will use my child as a weapon??

Your child is potentially in Danger from his siblings- they are not mature to deal with the sort of jealousy they may experience from seeing their sibling looked after whilst theyre treated like shit. They are likey to take this frustration out on your child. Your child may be included in any social services investigation, since SS will certainly want to look into the children's life with their father should an investigation arise. Your child is also at risk of harm from a lazy and feckless father, and a mother who doesn't care enough about their half siblings to protect them from neglect.

However I am also now incredulous at this situation and think its probably made up so am not going to allow myself to be upset by it anymore

So you know what food they eat at home but not which school they go to?

how well are children suppose to be able to read and write at this age?

Did you actually ever look after children at all?

I'm off!

If what you say is true, I think SS should be concerned about your unborn child. If you are the kind of person who is happy to let two children live like this, how can you be trusted to look after your own child?

Its hard to find out whats going on at home, if the kids tell us things, then we let them but dont question it.

As if we question stuff they mention at home or ask about things at home or regarding school they clam up, get nervous, panic and tell us they arent allowed to tell us as mummy says.

God this just sounds worse

They aren't allowed to tell us as mummy says!

My god, if I was you I would be getting onto the phone to SS an your DH getting into his car driving to the grandparents, demanding to find out where his children are and getting them the hell out of there!! Something is seriously wrong.

I have a 6yo he gets a 25 page book every might from school, he reads most of it without any help.

You sound incredibly selfish, you're child will be looked after... Well that's the main thing whilst the other two are left to fester in their own filth!

Maybe an idea would be to speak to H, phone SS and get the hell away from him!

Hi OP am sorry but think you need some practicalities here - you see the children as a problem and your DH is not going to help so you can either sit and fret or take action.

Maybe your expectations of the DC are a little high given what sounds like a chaotic home life with DM. So treat them as a little younger - how about putting photos or pictures up in the bathroom as a prompt for that they need to do. So when they come out instead of the usual 'have you flushed' its 'have you done everything you should have done?'

Instead of punishing them by removing pocket money, reward them for having wiped and flushed. Incentives work much better than punishments.

Have you ever had a family meeting where you discuss the 'rules' of the house - ask the children what they would think be good rules, things to do e.g hanging coats up etc

where do you go when you go out when the children arrive? could you perhaps not go out for as long? DH maybe feels a bit lost (at least at home you can monitor what he does actually do_

Finally, when your own child is a toddler how are you going to teach them good hygiene etc?? this might give you some ideas

It does sound as though you are really down and you sound as though you have completely withdrawn/given up. Are you getting any other support in your pregnancy?