Am i expecting too much??

[LittleSugaPlum]

DH has his two children round every sat for the day.

One boy aged 10, one girl aged 8.

Im getting really irritated with them not flushing the toilet when they have finished, i have one upstairs and one downstairs. Everytime they come, both toilets have never been flushed by them.

They dont use toilet paper either. Yesterday i was out all day, came home around 6ish, didnt go upstairs until 11pm.

Went to use the upstairs loo before bed, the bathroom door was shut - which is unusual.

I opened it and the stench knocked me sick!! I was retching like mad.

The toilet was full of shit, no toilet paper in toilet, it took 4 flushes to get rid of it.

The smell in the bathroom was awful, i couldnt use the toilet.

DH tells me it was the 10year old that had been playing upstairs, the younger one hadnt been upstairs.

AIBU in thinking that at 8 and 10 years old children should be able to wipe their backside and flush the toilet???

Ive never known them to flush the toilet.

The 8 year old took her shoes off in the middle of the kitchen doorway yesterday and walked off into the living room and left them there.

I immediatley shouted her back and said "Excuse me, do those shoes belong there? Someone is going to break their neck on them!"

AIBU thinking that all this is disrespectful to our house?

Im sick to death of getting on their backs about stuff, it really irritates me, or is it normal for children of this age to not flush toilets, put shoes were they belong etc??

When i mention it to DH, he just shrugs and says its because they arent taught to do these things on a daily basis at their mums.

Defending them because they left shoes in the middle of the floor (children do that) is one thing.

How old are you both, OP? Cos you both sound about 12.

OP-If a child is being neglected (which if this is true these kide are) then every person who comes into regular contact with that child has a duty of care towards them and from that standpoint alone you have a duty towards them. Their lives must be miserable, they must be bullied at school and they must feel very isolated and unloveable.

I think the care Falls on you because your husband appears to be an inadequate, lazy, Dim witted, dirty wanker who doesn't give a shit about his children. You seemed to be some one with a iota of common sense and intelligence so I suspect people thought you might be able to help these children improve their miserable childhood.

Children's basic need is not a "he should she should" blame game, like who takes the bins out- its fucking serious. SOMEONE has to do it.

I'm hoping that you're exaggerating, or at least presenting the worst of the situation, because you dislike them so much, because if there is a mother, father, step mother and grandparents who don't care enough about those children so make sure they're not covered in dried shit and lice, then they have no fucking hope.

He doesnt say much to be honest, their care will fall on me solely, no1 else isnt going to help me.

Nobody helped me last year when i was de nitting them and bathing them etc.

Does it not worry you that he doesn't appear to be bothered? Honestly, it'd bother me. Why do you think this new baby will be cared for by him any more?

How long have you been with dh?

How long have you known the children?

Their mother is neglecting them. Their father is neglecting them. And you are neglecting them by not intervening and getting support for them.

And that's a genuine question, btw. Honestly, will he care more for this baby? Like its a fresh start?

Do you feel like he's trying to ditch the children from his past relationship and leave them in the past, starting fresh with you? Is that what you want?

known the kids about 18months or so, been with DH the same amount of time.

I ve accepted that i ll be doing all the care for our baby.

So just to get this straight.

These kids come to you and their father covered in nits and without knowledge of basic toilet hygiene.

Your solution is to stop having them overnight because it's too much hassle.

Their FATHER and Step Mother COULD be having them every weekend, sorting out the nits and other issues and making a HUGE difference to their lives, making them feel loved and secure.

Your main issue in all this is that they don't flush the toilet?

Disgusting, absolutely disgusting and I am not talking about those poor kids .

Their father and yourself should be ashamed of yourselves.

poor child..

I get what you are saying about the fact that your DH should be responsible not you. But if he isn't, if you can't even discuss it with him because he gets upset, then who else will take responsibility for them?

If you can't take on the care, though it would seem to be the best option as the situation currently stands, then you surely have to make sure someone else will - either through discussion with the rest of their family (grandparents?) or by involving social services. But in that case - do you really want to stay and raise a child with a man who is prepared to neglect his own children?

Is your DH excited about the impending birth?

All your posts are ' me me me'

You are selfish and these children are suffering because you dont see it as a problem.

Your DH is 34. When is he going to grow up?

so what will happen when you split up with this idiot? and your child goes to him for a saturday.. will you be happy that he will be letting your child sit their in its' own shit for the day until you pick it up? because that is what will happen..

Why would you willingly have a child with a man who allows their child to sit in shitty underwear for hours on end?

This thread is making me furious.

Firstly you need to accept that these children are part of your life and you need to take resposibility.

Next you need to deal with the issues raised, nits - check their hair at every visit, apply nit lotion repeat/ask, remind about bottom wiping, flushing and handwashing. Not hard really.

Those poor bloody kids

You have accepted you will do all the baby care.

I don't think I believe this actually. The post about their food is a step too far. At least I hope it's not true.

DH is excited about the new baby. If no1 else has picked up on things with the kids then maybe my standards are too high regarding pesonal hygiene etc?

Their grandparents dont see a problem, their mother doesnt, the kids dont, school obviously havent picked up on it

i mentioned what they eat as someone asked me what sort of food they eat

HOW can you be with a man who is such a willingly feckless father and negligently culpable for such appalling treatment of his children? How can you have any respect for him?