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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ring DS s school on Monday to say he is being educated off site?

130 replies

dimplebum · 14/09/2012 23:34

DS has started school full time, he is really struggling with it at the moment although I know it's early days!

On Monday DH and I have both got a rare day off together and would to take both our DSs 4 and 1 somewhere for the day. I was thinking the zoo, or a museum?

I thought it would also be a nice break and a rare reward for DS who is trying his best to be a big boy at big school!

But what do I tell school, I can't say he s sick and expect DS to lie? Shall I say he is being educated off site?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 23:39

You can say that but it's not down to you to decide what constitutes being educated off site....that's totally down to the school.

Sadly a family jolly because your DH has a day off will not be looked at kindly by most schools....especially if your child is struggling. He'll need to keep his routine.

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2012 23:40

What is it he's struggling with? Being tired at the end of the day? If it is, that's pretty normal and never goes away.

YWBU to just take him to go on a day out.

I think this is more about you than him, and if you're having trouble now I'm not sure how you'll cope with the really important big shit he'll no doubt encounter as he goes through school until he's 16!

julieann42 · 14/09/2012 23:41

If you are trying to get his to settle into school and it's routines I think you wouldn't actually be helping him, my son aged 14 still doesn't like school and I wouldn't reward him with a day off extra to everyone else! It's to setting the right example. Sorry I think URBU

WildWorld2004 · 14/09/2012 23:42

What?? Your son is struggling at school and your answer is to let him take the day off to go to the zoo

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 23:44

And no doubt people will point out that legally he doesn't have to go yet and that the zoo is 'educational' etc....

But it will be just as educational on a weekend and legally or not, it's not a good idea to start messing with routines and possibly being seen as using the school for your convenience rather than to educate your child.

poorfoxyloxy · 14/09/2012 23:45

you can do this, but don't expect it to be happily accepted. welcome to the world of schooling! most schools take attendance quite seriously. I was in trouble with the school last year and had a talking to because my daughter missed so many days, very annoying because she was ill for all of it! Now when she's ill i fret because i think i should be sending her- she's not done two weeks and already been off two days down with fever and vomiting!! At the end of the day, your child, your choices, but kids do benefit from routine.

Kleptronic · 14/09/2012 23:46

I think you'd be setting yourself up for trouble in the future, as in, you'd give him the idea he doesn't have to go if he's been really good/tried really hard/is having a bad time.

It is very hard when they go to school, and I totally get the rare day off thing, I sometimes get the odd one and long to have my DS with me, but I think the best thing for them is to keep going to school. Especially when new to it.

Roundandroundthemulberrybush · 14/09/2012 23:47

Why can't you take him to the zoo at the weekend?

ihearsounds · 14/09/2012 23:50

Your child, your family, your decision.
Personally. No way would I do this. It would always be at the back of my mind that children can be manipulative, and will feign alsorts to have a fun day away. They have 14 weeks off, plus weekends to enjoy stuff. If you really don't want to have the restrictions in place of formal education, then look seriously at home education.

StateofConfusion · 14/09/2012 23:50

If he isn't 5 yet you can do what you like.

Personally I know from experience if he's struggling you doing this will make it harder for him.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 14/09/2012 23:51

I wouldn't, sorry.

My feeling is that if you send them to school, you abide by the rules/ times of the school, otherwise home ed. He can go to the zoo at weekends.

My ds is also 4, and has also just started full days at school. He is tired but enjoying it. When you say he is "struggling", what do you mean by that? Is it worth having a word to his teacher?

griphook · 14/09/2012 23:51

Don't say anything, he's four, he's not going to know its a school day. If school question you then say you did over the weekend.

It's very wrong but days as a family are important particularly if you dh works weekends

christinecagney · 14/09/2012 23:51

'Educated off site' is a code that can be assigned for a regular special piece of provision organised by and monitored by the school: for example a child with extra needs who spends a day a week at another local school which has a unit for language delayed children. It's definitely not for a day trip to the zoo! I don't think you will find a HT agreeing to that (am a HT myself). You need to ask for a holiday form and request a day off. Personally I wouldn't agree to it, esp if the child is not settling as they need to stick to the routine even more. If your child is struggling make an appointment to have a proper chat with the teacher and HT about what you can all work on together to help.

Noqontrol · 14/09/2012 23:51

I think you should send him to school. Its early days and taking him out so soon does not give him a good message that school is important. Why don't you talk to the school if he is having problems? Try and work something out with them to help your son?

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2012 23:53

I thought that too roundandround, but they might work weekends?

Original poster

dimplebum · 14/09/2012 23:55

Sorry, I didn't put enough info into my first post.

DS works weekends so we don't get to go to go on a day trip out togeyher unless he books a holiday.

This is a rarity so thought we ought to make the most of it!

Just to add, I wouldn't tell DS it was a school day, that way he wouldn't think he can have days off 'willy nilly'.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 14/09/2012 23:56

He is 4. You can do what you like as legally he doesn't need to be in school. Oh and he's probably struggling BECAUSE he's ONLY 4. And it shouldn't even be called struggling because he's ONLY 4!

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 23:56

The OP hasn't said her DH works at weekends?

And sorry but most school children know what a school day is...particularly when he goes to school the next day and the class are discussing what they did the day before.

akaemmafrost · 14/09/2012 23:57

Oh and yes take him out for the day. I find all the po faces on this thread a bit funny actually because I was on one not so long ago about reception kids finding it tough and the odd duvet day came highly recommended.

NCForNow · 14/09/2012 23:58

FFS just tell him he's having the day off..say "No school today." he's FOUR...he won't know the difference! He won't have to lie! They won't quizz him. Phone up and say he's under the weather. Don't make a habit of it though!

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 23:59

Sorry X posted OP

So your DH works 7 days a week every single week?

Do you think it might be better to discuss that with your DH and see if he can at least get sundays off?

You might find your DS is then happier all round?

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2012 23:59

You sound like you're working on the freetime routine that you have with pre-school children, which all go out the window once they're committed to school.

What are the problems he's having OP?

NCForNow · 14/09/2012 23:59

Sorry for all the !!!!

I just get annoyed at all the po faces going "Oooh no...you can't!"

akaemmafrost · 15/09/2012 00:00

I agree entirely NCfornow.

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 00:01

I have had 5 kids go through school, some have sailed it, others have struggled from day one.

The absolute worst thing to do is to introduce the idea that "the odd day off wont hurt". Bad for him as he wont have the solid routine to rely on, and will be aware that he missed something on the day he wasnt there. Bad for you as you need to accept that this isnt something that is accepted in the UK. School is a legal requirement and as you chose to send him from age 4 you need to accept all of the rules that go along with that.

For his sake, please dont keep him off, it will just increase his lack of security and his struggles.

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