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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ring DS s school on Monday to say he is being educated off site?

130 replies

dimplebum · 14/09/2012 23:34

DS has started school full time, he is really struggling with it at the moment although I know it's early days!

On Monday DH and I have both got a rare day off together and would to take both our DSs 4 and 1 somewhere for the day. I was thinking the zoo, or a museum?

I thought it would also be a nice break and a rare reward for DS who is trying his best to be a big boy at big school!

But what do I tell school, I can't say he s sick and expect DS to lie? Shall I say he is being educated off site?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:25

Aww OP that is totally normal believe me...it really is.

He'll learn to cope in time - ironically enough once he falls into the school routine.

That's why people are advising you not to break that routine as it can be very confusing for them.

I'm guessing because he's your eldest you're feeling a little guilty perhaps at the thought of taking your youngest somewhere with your DH and 'excluding' him? Like having some sort of 'secret' family day out that your eldest won't be a part of?

That's school life I'm afraid and it will continue to happen until your youngest starts school.

But breaking the routine you're trying to get him into at school, certainly won't make him any less tired at all.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2012 00:25

It is important NC, and now the OP's posted saying what the problem is, I can say it sounds totally normal and won't be solved with taking a day off.

A lot of children have difficulties adjusting to being at school and then all of a sudden different rules applying when they get home, 11 YO DD1 still has to be reminded not to talk to me in the same way she talks to her mates at school.

It's normal OP, you have to find ways of coping with it like the rest of us.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 15/09/2012 00:27

Ah- changing personality when he leaves the school gates! My ds is my 3rd child to start school, and I see this with all of them- it doesn't necessarily get easier OP, I'm afraid!

I put it down to the fact that they strive to behave really well in the confines of school, then let rip when they get out, hence the reason the angelic children my kids' teachers describe to me at parents' evening bear no resemblence to the shrieking bad-tempered psychos I see every night! Or maybe that just my dcs Blush...

QuickLookBusy · 15/09/2012 00:27

That kind of behaviour is very normal unfortunately. He is tired and overwhelmed.

Mine are older now but if I felt they were at the end of their tethers, I did let them have a day off school. It made no difference to them at all. Both did very well at school, Rg unis and also both held down good part time jobs.

Don't let anyone tell you that a day off when he is 4 will affect your sons future.

Original poster
dimplebum · 15/09/2012 00:27

I hope you're right noqontrol.

Its really getting DH down, for the past 2 weeks, he has only seen him being like this with him working weekends! Another reason why I think a trip out on Monday will do the world of good to all of us!

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 15/09/2012 00:29

Just go.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:29

Why don't you and your DH pick him up from school at 3.20 and take him somewhere he loves as a treat?

That way you both get to spend the day giving each other and your youngest DC your attention, and your eldest will look forward to his treat after school?

That sounds like a win-win situation to me Smile

LadyBeagleEyes · 15/09/2012 00:29

Exactly Matildarae.

akaemmafrost · 15/09/2012 00:30

Do it and have a lovely time. I can't imagine that you will be fretting in the future "oh DH, if ONLY we hadn't taken him to the zoo that time!" Smile

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2012 00:30

Sorry, didn't mean the last bit of my last post to sound so abrupt.

You could try taking a snack for him when you pick him up? And giving him some time to wind down when he gets home, maybe a little bit of TV?

You can't expect too much from such a little one.

Doing such a huge thing is bound to have an impact on his behaviour at home.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:31

I put it down to the fact that they strive to behave really well in the confines of school, then let rip when they get out, hence the reason the angelic children my kids' teachers describe to me at parents' evening bear no resemblence to the shrieking bad-tempered psychos I see every night! Or maybe that just my dcs

Nope you've just described all 3 of mine to a tee!

My youngest is nearly 10yrs old and since he started back a week ago, he's coming home with tons of attitude Hmm

However, in school butter wouldn't fecking melt....

Original poster
dimplebum · 15/09/2012 00:31

Thanks for all your reassuring messages about sons sudden personality change, glad to hear it is perfectly normal, I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't last too long or at least isn't as bad as it is at the moment!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:35

dimple in my experience (my kids are aged 20yrs, 13yrs, nearly 10yrs) it really does get better.

However, it often takes a step backwards after every school holiday and then improves again.

They just get used to going in September and then by October they have another week off and it can be difficult to settle in again...but they do because they just have to.

uselessinformation · 15/09/2012 00:35

He doesn't legally have to be educated and, in the future, when he goes for a job, nobody is going to ask how many days he had off school when he was four! Just don't tell him he's having a day off school though.

uselessinformation · 15/09/2012 00:36

Oh, and I'm a teacher!

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:38

Why are people going to extremes here and talking about future jobs and GCSEs etc?

The OP is talking about a difficulty she has with her 4yr old child now...not in the distant future.

A child struggling with a new routine now, is quite likely to struggle that bit more when removed from the routine, taken to the zoo as a treat and then expected to pick up an already difficult routine the next day.

I don't think going off on tangents is particularly helpful here.

Noqontrol · 15/09/2012 00:40

Dimplebum, as worral says, pick ds up after school and take him somewhere lovely. They forget they've even been to school that day by the end of it. Their perception of time is different.

I pick dd up from school and we go shopping, to the park or down the pool. (unless she's hysterically exhausted, then I bring her home, wrap her in a blanket and wait in her hand and foot until bedtime Grin )

He'll be ok, really. You need to get yourself into the school frame of mind and make him feel its a great place to be to make it work for him.

brdgrl · 15/09/2012 00:41

Take him.

akaemmafrost · 15/09/2012 00:41

Oh and implying that we parents who advocate the OP doing this, are so useless we do not even teach our dc the days of the week was terribly useful wasn't it?

Noqontrol · 15/09/2012 00:42
  • Wait ON her hand and foot. I dont sit on her hand Grin
WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:45

aka read the thread - nobody has implied that.

My reply was clearly to the poster who said "That is right akaemmafrost could be a bank holiday for all he knows..oh no wait...he's four...so has no understanding of days off"

In my personal experience most school children will know what day of the week it is and whether they should be at school or not...because as I said, the schools teach them even if the parents don't.

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 00:50

I wonder how it would be if a parent said that their 2 year old was halfway through a sleep solution (whichever one, take your pick) but the MNer felt that a night off the sleep solution would be a nice break for all of them.

She would be told that no, you have to stick with it to get results. If you cave in after 5 days then you are back to square one.

This is the same. Her son is going through the normal tiredness/personality change that they all go through, and breaking the routine now will take them back to square one. What about when he is a bit stroppy after halfterm? Will he get a day off then? A day off at the start of every new term? When will it end?

Doing whats best for a child isnt always doing whats nicest.

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 00:51

This is quite apart from the fact that the teachers wont thank you for the "Why did X go to the zoo? Can I go to the zoo?" and "Mummy, X didnt go to school, he went to the zoo, can we go to the zoo?"

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 00:53

Exactly bogey or if a working single mother said their baby wasn't settling in with the child minder or nursery...should they take time off work to keep the child at home for a day?

I can't imagine anyone saying that would be in the child's interest because they're just going to have to go back there the very next day and get on with the routine.

Original poster
dimplebum · 15/09/2012 01:07

Bogey and worral, the examples you give are nothing at all like a 4 year old having a rare family day out and missing 1 day of school!

Someone earlier mentioned that this wasn't about DS but rather for me. Well actually yes you are right, it's about me, DH and both DS s who are in need and deserve a quality family day together. It is just unfortunate that we both happen to have a day off together at the beginning of term when DS has just started school!

OP posts: