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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ring DS s school on Monday to say he is being educated off site?

130 replies

dimplebum · 14/09/2012 23:34

DS has started school full time, he is really struggling with it at the moment although I know it's early days!

On Monday DH and I have both got a rare day off together and would to take both our DSs 4 and 1 somewhere for the day. I was thinking the zoo, or a museum?

I thought it would also be a nice break and a rare reward for DS who is trying his best to be a big boy at big school!

But what do I tell school, I can't say he s sick and expect DS to lie? Shall I say he is being educated off site?

OP posts:

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 01:13

But DImple, it is exactly like that.

You have a child that needs to get used to a new routine. In order for that to happen you need to be consitent and support the routine. That holds true whether it is sleep, school or mummy going back to work.

If you take a day off then he will know. The other kids will know, the teacher will know. He will feel different and wont know why, and he will have to go back to the routine the next day.

What will you do the next time you think that you all need a day out? Will you do it again then? How often per year?

This is a very bad precedent to set, and very selfish of you to consider it.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2012 01:14

I think posters are saying it becomes more than just about you, your DH and your DC when your DC are involved in school OP.

Of course your family unit is important, more important to him than anything else, but you can't live in a vacuum of just this minute.

Or this 'one day off' will become a benchmark for when you're deciding whether he should stay off another time.

'He's not getting on with the lad he sits next to, that's far more important than the zoo so of course he can stay off.'

Etc, etc, etc.

WorraLiberty · 15/09/2012 01:17

It was me who mentioned it was more about you OP.

The examples are exactly the same because they boil down to the fact that breaking a routine your child is struggling with, will really not help your child.

Good luck with whatever you decide but if it's at all possible, you and your DH are going to have to make sure that in future a day off together isn't as rare as it is right now - if that's at all possible.

If it's not possible, then I can only imagine you're all going to have to get used to taking the kids out separately at weekends...because once your child turns five you really don't get a choice.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2012 01:18

But then I've been on threads where I've agreed taking them on holiday in term time would be OK.

Not sure what the difference is with it just being a day

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 01:22

It seems that you dont take the whole concept of school, attendance etc that seriously.

Yes I know that it is annoying sometimes, but as a ma with 16 years school gate experience I can tell you that there aint nothin' you can do about it! You just have to accept that as you have sent him to school you have to follow the rules. Yes, legally you can keep him out until he turns 5, but you didnt. As you opted in to formal education you must also accept that you opted into the rules aswell.

Believe me I understand that it is very irritating that you have a day where you could go to the beach or whatever, but the older kids are in school, but you just have to suck it up.

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 01:24

I think it is different Agent (I have taken mine out of school for holidays twice) because it isnt one day here and there. It is a set 2 weeks off, sanctioned by the school (well, not sanctioned but agreed) and timed to cause the least disruption, in our case, the last 2 weeks of term.

An odd day off here and there gives the message that its ok to skive if you feel like it, and I apply that to both parent and child.

brdgrl · 15/09/2012 01:37

I take education extremely seriously. My parents were both professors, and I have a doctorate myself. DH and I expect a lot from the kids and their academic performance is more than satisfactory.

I also know that sometimes my children or my family will be better served by an alternate activity.

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 01:41

i agree with you brdgrl sometimes they can be better served, that why I took my children out of school to tour nothern France.

But would you advocate that within the first 2 weeks of school?

dysfunctionalme · 15/09/2012 03:16

I would take him. Family time is important and it sounds as though you get very little of it. I would not tell him it was a Monday and just not mention school.

The behaviour you describe is very normal for a new entrant, it is very tiring for them as so many changes to adapt to.

Not in UK but our schools actively encourage new entrants to take days off here and there to aid the transition.

OrangeFireandGoldashes · 15/09/2012 03:20

How is it "unfortunate" that your "rare family day off" just "happened" to be a couple of weeks into the school term? Are you both randomly allocated all your holiday by your boss without any say on the matter whatsoever? Or could you have perhaps planned and booked a day off together towards the end of the school holiday to have your trip to the zoo / museum before your DS started school?

blackpoollights · 15/09/2012 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alphabite · 15/09/2012 07:22

Op it sounds like you are going to do it anyway so why bother asking for advice. I have taught recepetion before and those that were consistently there settled quickly. I had several parents who chose to take their kids out for odd days here and there and the kids found routine difficult. They also missed the new letter sound of the day and learning a new number formation as well as everything else we did. The zoo is not important. Your childs education is. You can still do family time when he finishes at 3.15. Your choice and I think youll do it anyway. I wouldn't personally.

scaevola · 15/09/2012 07:24

Although he does no have to be enrolled in school until he is 5, OP has chosen to send him now, and as he has started he should attend. Withdrawing him until he turns 5 and must be there seems a little excessive.

OP: taking him out for a day out is probably the worst thing this early on in his first term. It will be unsettling, and he will know (from his classmates) that he has missed a day.

LindyHemming · 15/09/2012 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Knowsabitabouteducation · 15/09/2012 07:33

If school makes him tired, a trip to the zoo will be much worse!

scaevola · 15/09/2012 07:35

Knowsabitabouteducation - so very, very true!

LindyHemming · 15/09/2012 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gumby · 15/09/2012 07:37

So everytime you & your dh have a day off work together you're going to take the kids out of school?

baskingseals · 15/09/2012 07:37

take him op. enjoy your day.

and ignore this thread.

Gumby · 15/09/2012 07:38

Could you review your families work / life balance?

Maybe it would be worth paying for childcare so you & dh could work in the week & have family time at the weekend?

Sirzy · 15/09/2012 07:39

A trip to the zoo for a child who you have already said is overtired sounds like it will do nothing but make the situation worse.

Let your child go to school settle into the school routine properly. It's only a few weeks until half term so arrange for you and your DH to be off together one day to take him to the zoo.

mummytime · 15/09/2012 08:07

I have to say I would probably do it as long as it was for the child's benefit. A lot of parents I know, all of whom take education very seriously, do give their kids the occasional "mental health" day. But you do have to decide if you are doing it for the child's benefit, to relieve their stress, rather than just because it is convenient for you.

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 09:30

God, don't say you are 'educating him off site' that sounds so false and cringed and you are not in any way educating him!!

A museum? For a 1 and 4 year old??

What will you do next time you and your DH get a 'rare day off together'? In your minds the precedent is now set.

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 09:31

*cringey

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 09:32

A day traipsing around a shabby zoo will vbe more tiring too

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