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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ring DS s school on Monday to say he is being educated off site?

130 replies

dimplebum · 14/09/2012 23:34

DS has started school full time, he is really struggling with it at the moment although I know it's early days!

On Monday DH and I have both got a rare day off together and would to take both our DSs 4 and 1 somewhere for the day. I was thinking the zoo, or a museum?

I thought it would also be a nice break and a rare reward for DS who is trying his best to be a big boy at big school!

But what do I tell school, I can't say he s sick and expect DS to lie? Shall I say he is being educated off site?

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 15/09/2012 09:38

Welcome to the reality of having a school aged child OP, you are not the only one in the boat of working weekends, I think he may struggle even more by allowing him the day off so early in the term regarding routines, and yes he will go back and tell everyone he had a day off to go to the zoo which could cause problems, and what happens later on in the year, oh Daddy has a day off can I have one to?

theodorakis · 15/09/2012 09:40

I am not one of the people who thinks missing a day of school means a five year old will have to have 30 hours of extra coaching in case they missed out on something they will need for their GCSEs. Indeed, I think the odd day here and there is fine, sometimes they are just knackered.

That said, using a day off as a reward for a child who is not settling at school seems a bit counter productive to me. If I were him and realised that the alternative to going to that noisy smelly place everyday is a cosy day with mummy and daddy I would probably prefer the latter and find some strategies to help me get it.

If it was April and he was well settled I would say go ahead without hesitation but it is very early days.
I do sympathise though, it's hard to send them off so young. So I don't think you are unreasonable or a bad parent, it's bloody hard.

goldenlula · 15/09/2012 09:43

Tbh, ds2 started school on Monday and we have had to had him out of school for 2 days (mornings actually as that is all he is doing at the moment) as bil was getting married midweek. It was far from ideal in this situation as I feel he has missed out on the important 'bonding with peers' time. OP, if your dc is struggling, then maybe take him home for half a day as I am doing. Ds2 is only just 4 so have opted for a gradual build up to full time. He is doing mornings at the mo and will add full days as we go along. We have already added lunchtimes as he wanted to stay for that.

mum4041 · 15/09/2012 09:45

I wouldn't. I think they'd miss what the teacher's planned for the day - as someone above said, the new letter sound or something which makes it harder for them to understand what's going on the next day.

Also took ages to get the message across to mine that school is Monday to Friday and you have to go. Several months after starting she was still saying "I don't think I'll go today" followed by tears. It took a long time for it to sink in that it's not negotiable.

I'd do something nice after school.

BrittaPerry · 15/09/2012 09:46

My parnts took me out for the odd day here and there, but were strict about attending the rest of the time.

I treasure those memories. I hated school (still get panicy at dds school) and those odd days (less than one a year) were a lifeline. It taught me tha not everyone in the world was a school o work - life went on. Somebody cared about me enough to give me time out of an environment i hated.

I woukd do it fo my two in a shot if they were struggling.The school could take it up with me if they wanted to.

I haven't needed to - dd1 is doing ok. But, if she was unhappy, i am hardly going to send my child somewhere that makes her unhappy, where i am pretty sure the only benefits are things like routine, being praised/disciplined by smeone else, being part of a gang etc. Those things made me ill, so I Shouldn't have been there.

Anything academic you do at school can be done much more effectively at home.

Most adults don't work monday to friday, 9-5 anyway now, so if a child isn't suited o that, let them have a break fgs!

Feminine · 15/09/2012 09:47

I'd take him.

Kids start so early in this country, and what for?

The children I know, that started later , are much better educated.

Asking here is a non-starter. Grin

NellyJob · 15/09/2012 09:48

just phone in sick, don't tell them he is "being educated off site" that will just draw attention.

BlackberryIce · 15/09/2012 09:48

Anything academic you do at school can be done much more effectively at home

Go on the Brittaperry explain that??

bogeyface · 15/09/2012 09:56

Oh yes, Nelly that'll work, right up until the teacher asks him what was wrong and he says "I went to the zoo"!

I get so mad with this attitude that it doesnt really matter whether they have a day off or not. Its sheer selfishness on the part of the parent and usually them carrying their own issues from their own childhood.

FFS school is a not a part time "only if you want to" thing!

TwiggysGoneOnHolidayByMistake · 15/09/2012 09:58

Haven't read rest of thread so apologies if this has already been covered. You can't say it's 'educated offsite' without discussing it with the HT first. Educated Offsite is an official term which goes down as a Code B in the register. It has to fulfill 4 criteria and these won't all be met without getting the HT's permission beforehand. Your options are to either apply for a day's leave (you can have up to 10 days off at the HT's discretion - some allow it, some don't) or to meet with the HT and ask if you can use Code B which means his attendance won't be affected. The HT may prefer to use Code B so the school's attendance figures are unaffected but, in reality, he or she probably won't know anything about the 4 criteria Code B has to meet :)

I would definitely take him out. Of course he won't grow up thinking that he can just go to school and work when he chooses and it always makes me do this Hmm when people say that. Just tell him it's not a school day - he will be none the wiser!

watchoutforthatsnail · 15/09/2012 10:00

He's 4. Without a doubt just take him. Call in sick.

The odd day, once or twice over the course of a year is going to make no difference to his education. And he's 4.

The zoo is educational, being with family when you don't get much chance to, is important. And he's 4.

The point is... He is 4.

Do it, have a lovely day, just dont make a habit of it.

TwiggysGoneOnHolidayByMistake · 15/09/2012 10:01

Although I have only just read that it's Monday you want to take him - I wonder whether that would make him even more tired and give you more trouble for the week ahead? Sorry, I mistakenly read that it was a Friday.

akaemmafrost · 15/09/2012 10:03

blackberryice you want brittaparry to explain HE philosophy in one post?

Can I ask YOU a question? Are you as rude and abrupt in RL as you are on here?

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 10:09

Is this a wind up?

' nice break and rare reward ' yes that's fine but do it at weekend like we all do.

TwiggysGoneOnHolidayByMistake · 15/09/2012 10:13

OK, I've read some more of the thread now but am going to have to stop as it's rather cross-making I can't believe people think that your child needs to go to school or he will miss out on learning a letter. FFS. Are people seriously suggesting that children won't learn any letters unless they go to school?! Any sensible parent will be pointing out letters in the world around them anyway - "Look DS, z for Zoo! Let's see how many z's we can spot today... and here's a zebra - can you see the z on the sign there?" Honestly, it's beyond easy...

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 10:15

Ok, so read you can't go at weekend.

I still wouldn't take him out though.

nipersvest · 15/09/2012 10:26

makes no difference to me whether you take your ds out of school or not, my dc's school actually encourages parents of the new reception intake to keep them at home for the day if they are really tired!, but, one thing i don't get, how is taking him on a day trip to the zoo going to help with his tiredness?? surely come tuesday morning, he's going to be even more tired.

brdgrl · 15/09/2012 10:27

I honestly don't know where to start with this. Absolutely disgraceful attitude.
How did we get ourselves to this situation where schools, education and teachers are so poorly regarded? Don't you feel that you should do something to change the education system as you think so little of it? Maybe you could run one of Mr Gove's free schools?

I teach part-time at a RG university, Euphemia.

I am quite sure that my post does not say that I have a poor regard for schools, teachers, or education. In fact, I said exactly the opposite.

theodorakis · 15/09/2012 10:28

nipersvest, I LOVE your name!

MelodyPondering · 15/09/2012 10:29

Bloody Hell. He is FOUR! If you, as his parent, think he is exhausted and would benefit from a day off then just do it.

He doesn't have to be there until he is 5 so its up to you.

My Ds was 4 at the end of august and started full time last week so I know how you feel, he is utterly exhausted yet sleeping terribly. He's my third so I've seen it before and will do what I think is best.

I couldn't let him have the day off as I was working, but seeing him lying on the floor crying (only time he has cried since starting) was tough to see when he is only just 4.

YANBU. You know best.

brdgrl · 15/09/2012 10:33

A museum? For a 1 and 4 year old??

What on earth is your problem with this one? I take my 2 year-old to the museum about once every two weeks. She is definitely learning there - they have displays and exhibits geared for small children, and we talk about everything we see. Shock bonkers.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 15/09/2012 10:34

' benefit from a day off ' he's only been there for about a week.

Stop being soft arses. At the nursery attached to ds' prep the children are there 8.45 - 3.15 so school hours, some of them are just age 3.

Its pretty full on learning even in nursery, I'm sure some of them are tired.

scaevola · 15/09/2012 10:36

If he's enrolled for a full time place, he should be attending regularly.

He does not have to be in full time education: OP could withdraw him and HE, or she could arrange a proper part-time attendance schedule.

What she should not do is take him out at random.

Especially not on a long day out when he is already struggling with tiredness.

merrymouse · 15/09/2012 10:44

I don't think anything bad will happen if you do this.

However, if you want to give your child a day off school treat, I wouldn't be going for a Monday which is a settling in to the week day, and I wouldn't be doing it at the beginning of term. I think if he misses the Monday, the Tuesday will be harder. (And this would be the case if he were missing school for any reason, e.g. being ill).

If your child is struggling, I would be discussing this with the teacher.

Also, if your child is anything like the norm, it is likely that he will be off sick anyway this term due to a mixture of coming into contact with new bugs/tiredness/onset of winter, so having a day off now may seem like a little thing, but may not seem like a good idea if sick days start to add up.

(And remember, if your child is at school in a borough like mine, there is the much coveted attendance award to compete for! Hmm)

MelodyPondering · 15/09/2012 10:52

Everlong my Ds had been in pre school since he was 2.5, he was never tired like this, it really is different.

I'm not being a soft arse Wink honestly you should see how he is, he had taken to growling at me at bedtime, waking hourly crying his eyes out for utterly random things and being vile to us all. All my kids have to get on with things they don't like, Ds loves school and wants to go, he's just so bloody exhausted!

Having said all that, I wouldn't take him out to go to check zoo. I'd keep him at home all day and have a pyjama day.