Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send dd to school with a tie until school returns the other two?

165 replies

Lowla · 14/09/2012 11:17

My daughter has recently started primary school. Last week was the first week of gym and she came out of school with no tie on. The teacher said another child must have taken it home by mistake, and not to worry as i'd sewn dd's name on it so it would be returned.

This week, on Monday, she had gym again. The first tie still hadn't been returned and she'd been wearing her spare one to school since.
She came out at hometime with no tie again! The teacher apologised and said - again - her name's on it so it should be returned soon. I told the teacher that 2 ties going missing in as many weeks in not on, and i'd have to send dd to school with no tie until they'd been returned. The teacher was a bit funny about this, asked if i had another spare tie instead. When i said no, she sent out a letter out to parents the next day (Tuesday) asking if my dd's ties had been put in their children's bags by mistakes. Yesterday, none of the ties had been handed in and dd was still being sent to school tie-less. The teacher said that she has a spare one in her desk i could borrow in the mean time. I had a look at it and it has a big paint stain down it, so i said no. She then asked if i would consider buying another one and she'd make sure that it would be safe during all future gym lessons. I said no. Ties are £7.50 each and i'd already lost £15. I wasn't prepared to spend anymore.

Anyway, this morning, the HEAD came up to me and said that it looks bad for the school if a pupil doesn't comply with uniform rules, especially a primary one. She said that children's stuff goes missing all the time at school, it's all part of it and tried to make out it was dd's fault for not being responsible enough.

DD has told me that she left both ties on her desk each time before heading off to the gym hall, and when she gets back afterwards, the children are very excited and throw the uniform all around the room - so obviously mix ups happen.

I asked the head if she could please look at all the children's ties in dd's class to try and identify hers as her name's stitched in. She said she couldn't do this as it would embarrass the children. I refused to buy a tie, she offered to sell me one for £5 instead and I still said no.

She was really annoyed by then and said dd's golden time might suffer as a result of not wearing the correct uniform.

Sorry, this is much longer than i thought it would be.

Am i being unreasonable not buying another tie? Should i stand my ground and wait on getting offered a free one?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lowla · 14/09/2012 19:23

Well. I'm more than a bit miffed now.

At hometime today, dd came out in tears. Apparantly a little boy in her class was teasing her at lunchtime for having no tie and said he had them! He said he stole them from her desk and is keeping them forever.

I took dd to the teacher and told her what she'd said. The teacher sighed and said that dd had been caught arguing with this boy at lunchtime and she tried to grab his tie off him. I asked if anyone had bothered checking this boy's tie, and they said they had checked and it was nameless. I caught up with the boy's dad and apologised about my dd fighting with his son. And i asked - politely - is there any chance though that your son brought two ties home with her name on them?

The dad went mental at me! Started accusing me of being a snob and thinking i'm better than him. He kept saying i'm not a thief, i'm not scum. And me saying 'calm down,' only made him angrier!

This little boy has been annoying dd quite a bit since start of term. She skinned her knee one day because she was running away from him trying to kiss her. And she bumped her head because he lifted her one lunchtime and dropped her!

I'm just really embarrassed and angry. And really really don't want to buy another tie now.

Sorry - to those that asked - they don't have gym bags. They keep their gym shoes in school and on gym days we've to send in shorts and a polo shirt with them in their normal school bag, and then they get sent home to get washed.

OP posts:
TudorJess · 14/09/2012 19:36

All this because of a tie? Hmm

LindyHemming · 14/09/2012 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casserole · 14/09/2012 19:57

I wouldn't buy another tie either, and I'd put your post just now in an email to the head.

You are not being unreasonable. You've provided TWO name-tagged ties in 2 weeks FFS.

BeauNeidel · 14/09/2012 19:59

YANBU. School are massive UR for saying your daughter will lose Golden Time for not having a tie. And also for essentially saying your DD is lying.

I think I'd probably get just as wound up tbh - good thing our school provides PE kit for Reception kids!

BlueMoon74 · 14/09/2012 20:05

and really the teacher should be keeping a close eye on things

erm, obviously, because it's that easy?! Biscuit

LindyHemming · 14/09/2012 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings · 14/09/2012 20:21

yanbu. have you gone into the classroom and looked yourself that is what i do and did today as ds3's jumper disappeared on day 2 of term, we sitll havent got it back,i told the teacher it was lost and we had a hunt but assumed another child had taken it nad it would be returned as it has his name in three places inside it!

anyway the teacher is going to send a letter out to see if that gets it returned.

something small like a tie could be easily hidden in a classroom tho, even on a bookcase behind books or in fancy dress box if they have one? (my reception class ds4 has a fancy dress box in his classroom)

so have a good hunt, but i would not be buying another tie, yes things go missing but they usually turn up! my own children have brought home stuff that isnt theirs and i wash it and return it, hang it on the right peg if it has a name in it or give it to the teacher. some parents it seems do not tho!

the cheekiest thing once was ds2's coat going missing, it was a joules coat, bought by grandma! clearly labelled and it disappeared, then the next week i saw a girl wearing it, it was very distinctive. i assumed she maybe had the same one but she took it off in the playground after school (hot day) and dumped it on the floor, i picked it up and low and behold it was ds2's, the girl had been wearing it for a number of days! surely her parents must have realised it wasnt hers?! we got it back so no harm done but the cheek!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 14/09/2012 20:47

Another missing school clothing story.... I was so annoyed that someone had taken my DS's jogger bottoms that were clearly named. Ha! I thought. Some kid inadvertently took it home and the parents kept it because it was M&S and not a Tesco make. I kept on asking the teacher if it had turned up. But no luck.

This was 18 months ago.....

About 3 weeks ago I found the jogger bottoms at the back of DS's cupboard.

Blush

OP, go to school and have a bloody good look for the ties yourself. I reckon yu may well find them. Good luck.

CruCru · 14/09/2012 21:07

God I hate uniforms on primary school children. Ties on small children are plain daft.

EdMcDunnough · 15/09/2012 06:46

You need to send her in with a PE bag. And tell her to put everything into it when she gets changed.

It'll soon catch on.

PE bags are essential imo.

limitedperiodonly · 15/09/2012 07:27

YANBU OP. I like uniforms but with such small children it should be as basic as possible to reduce the chance of loss or petty theft.

one of those sort of mothers! I'm one of these. People tend not to take liberties if they think you're going to kick up a fuss.

WofflingOn · 15/09/2012 07:31

What a very odd, defensive response from the boy's father.

LindyHemming · 15/09/2012 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 08:25

This school sounds odd theteacher sighed when youn asked about argument. The dad went mental ??

ophelia275 · 15/09/2012 08:29

I would refuse to buy a new one out of principal until the other ties have been found. How many times are you meant to replace a tie at £7.50 a pop!

Also, what the Head said about "golden time" sounds a bit like a threat to me. I would not put up with that.

It is the schools responsibility whilst your child is in school to make sure they have the right uniform and the tie was lost under the supervision of a teacher. Why does it make it your responsibility to replace it?

Jinsei · 15/09/2012 08:46

Their gym stuff goes back and forth every week?!

Our PE kit comes home every Friday, we wash it and send it back on Monday. Is this not the norm? Confused

seeker · 15/09/2012 08:49

Just go in and find it! It will be on the floor under her desk, or under her peg, or in the back of her tray.....

And never, ever, ever believe a 4 year child who says something like "I've stolen your tie and I'm going to keep it for ever and ever." Particularly if you've only heard it reported by another 4 year old!

vodkaanddietirnbru · 15/09/2012 08:54

our gym stuff consists of a pair of shorts! (they change into indoor shoes whenever they are inside the school building and change back into outdoor shoes for playtime, lunchtime, etc so the shoes for PE are always in school anyway). The shorts are worn and then brought home and then a fresh pair is taken in on the next PE day. DD has PE on monday and thursday and ds's is on thursday and friday.

imnotmymum · 15/09/2012 09:02

yes normal to go in Monday back Friday when it gets washed-sometimes Blush

treas · 15/09/2012 09:14

I thought primary schools could not force children to wear school uniforms only to suggest what should be wore.

A child at dd primary never wore the school uniform and nothing was done about it. Very annoying for school as when other children could turn round and say "but Joe Bloggs never wears uniform".

As for threatening to remove a child's reward time over something a parent is making a stand on, which the child has no say in, I would be wondering about the ethos of the school.

MammaTJisWearingGold · 15/09/2012 09:19

I went to help my friend sew labels on her sons clothes for boarding school. They require sew on labels. He has had so much stuff go missing and we suspect that people just cut the labels off. So, I sewed labels on, as required by the school, and she bought an indelible pen and wrote his name in too.

LeeCoakley · 15/09/2012 11:46

I can't see how it is the school's responsibility to make sure the children have the right uniform! That means noting down every morning exactly what they are wearing (maybe a jumper, maybe a fleece, older brother's shirt, one black sock with a hole etc etc) then checking again at home time. Even if a teacher has a TA there aren't enough hours in the day!

5madthings · 15/09/2012 12:37

mama i label the boys clothes with a sharpie marker pen, i do the label, the inside hem/waist band and also on the inside of the neckline as yes labels get cut out!

LeeCoakley · 15/09/2012 12:46

I agree - neckband, waistband with a marker is the best! You can see across the classroom if someone is putting on the right shirt!