To not send dd to school with a tie until school returns the other two?

[Lowla]

My daughter has recently started primary school. Last week was the first week of gym and she came out of school with no tie on. The teacher said another child must have taken it home by mistake, and not to worry as i'd sewn dd's name on it so it would be returned.

This week, on Monday, she had gym again. The first tie still hadn't been returned and she'd been wearing her spare one to school since.
She came out at hometime with no tie again! The teacher apologised and said - again - her name's on it so it should be returned soon. I told the teacher that 2 ties going missing in as many weeks in not on, and i'd have to send dd to school with no tie until they'd been returned. The teacher was a bit funny about this, asked if i had another spare tie instead. When i said no, she sent out a letter out to parents the next day (Tuesday) asking if my dd's ties had been put in their children's bags by mistakes. Yesterday, none of the ties had been handed in and dd was still being sent to school tie-less. The teacher said that she has a spare one in her desk i could borrow in the mean time. I had a look at it and it has a big paint stain down it, so i said no. She then asked if i would consider buying another one and she'd make sure that it would be safe during all future gym lessons. I said no. Ties are £7.50 each and i'd already lost £15. I wasn't prepared to spend anymore.

Anyway, this morning, the HEAD came up to me and said that it looks bad for the school if a pupil doesn't comply with uniform rules, especially a primary one. She said that children's stuff goes missing all the time at school, it's all part of it and tried to make out it was dd's fault for not being responsible enough.

DD has told me that she left both ties on her desk each time before heading off to the gym hall, and when she gets back afterwards, the children are very excited and throw the uniform all around the room - so obviously mix ups happen.

I asked the head if she could please look at all the children's ties in dd's class to try and identify hers as her name's stitched in. She said she couldn't do this as it would embarrass the children. I refused to buy a tie, she offered to sell me one for £5 instead and I still said no.

She was really annoyed by then and said dd's golden time might suffer as a result of not wearing the correct uniform.

Sorry, this is much longer than i thought it would be.

Am i being unreasonable not buying another tie? Should i stand my ground and wait on getting offered a free one?

We developed good reflexes though, didn't we, Worra?

How was School, Hec?
Fine mum. Mr Alexander threw a blackboard rubber at me, but I ducked.
What did you do this time?!

I don't blame you for being peeved, Lowla. But tbh, welcome to school life stuff is going to go missing. My kids must have lost half a dozen coats each over the years. Pens, water bottles, even trainers! Kids can be careless. I take it out of their pocket money now. They lose it - they pay for it. I find it is a great motivator!

I really do think you should stress to the head that 25 children chucking clothes around a room is unacceptable and needs to change.

I would check lsot property anyway, even if the office staff say no ties are in it. I would also check her desk or drawer.

I too have lost countless named items over the years, and have to pay £8.00 for school ties for my 2 because the school changed the uniform as the ties changed.

YANBU BTW

I would borrow the tie until yours turn up - its honestly not worth worrying over it will drive you mad if you let it.
I do feel for the teachers though that many children all not giving two hoots where they put things.

If you genuinely couldn't afford the £5 I expect you'd either accept the tie with a mark on and clean it yourself, or the school would let you pay for the tie in installments.

Outraged - no, she's in a normal state school. Why would you assume it's private?

She's almost 5yo and has just started primary one. Why should i not be worrying about a tie (two ties actually) because my dd's class has no TA?

TA's aren't a common occurence in schools around here.

Forget the school's budget - what about mine? I think it's perfectly understandable that i don't want to buy another tie when my dd's been at school less than a month. I've complied with all the the rules - labelling etc, and things have still gone missing.

And i don't think there budget is a huge worry anyway since they're charging £7.50 a tie.

The school's uniform is the same for all pupils from primary 1-7: blazer, school cardigan, proper shirt (with buttons and collar - no polo shirts), skirt/trousers, tie and black shoes. I thought this was common for most schools?

Hecate

most state infant schools let the children wear grey joggers,polo shirt and sweatshirt.

It wouldn't matter what local primary i sent her too, as the uniform rules are all the same in every school around here.

Yep, i think i'm definitely letting this affect me too much. I suppose i'll just have to suck it up and buy the £5 one. The free one the teacher was offering is really stained. I think dd would get more hassle wearing that than none at all.

But i mean it, if this one goes missing next week at gym, i think i'll crack up!

All the schools round here have polo shirts and no ties. Much more sensible and I think it looks better as ties and shirts get scruffy easily with young children.

I assumed it was private because I've never heard of a year1 or reception class without a TA. I work in one and I'm one of two TAs for a class of 28.

I understand it's a lot of money to pay, but it's your responsibilty to put your child in the right uniform. I don't know what more you can expect from a teacher that has that many 5yos to deal with on their own.

Tell your DD to put her tie straight into her PE bag this time and that should keep it safe.

I've never seen a primary school with children wearing shirts and ties. Every one my Dses have been at have polo shirts and sweatshirts.

Lowla, have you got a bag your daughter can put her clothes in when she gets changed (much harder to throw clothes around if they are locked in a bag), that is what they do at my daughters school she has never lost anything.

Buy the £5 one. If it goes missing, start sending her in polo shirts in protest.

Proper shirts and ties for 4 year olds is RIDICULOUS.

At our primary you have the choice of traditional shirt and tie or polo shirt and sweater. I got both as I think the shirt and tie looks so smart but thought the polo shirt option would be much easier for PE days. Most primaries around here are the same, both options available.

How about you offer to help at PE time, and once the children are in the hall or playground, go through all the clothes. When you find your tie, replace it with the marked one.

I think they ought to collect ties from each child at PE time, and hand them out to the children afterwards.
I also think they could check them when the children at at PE so they aren't aware they are doing it - no embarrassment.

It's legally enforceable sadly - even at primary, unless you're in Scotland in which case I don't know. But they can exclude a child for persistent or defiant refusal to wear uniform.
Affecting her Golden time is cruel and wrong.
You should not have to buy another tie.

Losing an item out of carelessness or during playtime etc is a child's and therefore parent's problem. However a tie being taken by another child during lesson time is not, imo.

Stand your ground.

Is it an unusual tie? We found a seller on ebay that did a wide range of striped ties for a couple of quid and I found one very similar to the official school one

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/New-Strip-striped-School-Tie-Necktie-/150687670742?pt=UK_Ties&var=&hash=item2315af61d6 is an example.

Sorry, but I think the teacher should take some of the blame here.

If the school is that strict about their pupils wearing ties, why did the teacher not notice that Lowla's DD wasn't wearing one after PT? That would have been the perfect opportunity for the teacher to say "LowlaDD where is your tie? Everyone, please check you haven't got LowlaDD's tie by mistake"

Lowla, YANBU but I think I would suck it up and get another one, but make it quite clear that if this one goes missing you will NOT buy any more. Tell your DD to give her tie to the teacher, or put it in her PT bag, or even tie it to her chair.

I'd be pissed off with this too.

I think they are UR is saying they can't check names.

It's no big thing to ask the children to look at them, or even ask them to all walk past and show he place where the name is on yours.

However I will note that my dd1 almost never lost anything in a large school. She was very careful with everything. Dd2 loses a lot and I know she's careless and she has to pick up the tab when she loses things as I know she is partually to blame.

Ties in Scottish primary schools (from P1!) seems to be getting more common..certainly round here they all wear ties. But ours cost £3 not £ 7.50. Try her school bag - DD assured me thta her tie must have been taken by someone else - and I sent her to school with no tie for a few days because of this - but turned out a teacher or TA had taken it and put it into a small pocket in her school bag that I'd never noticed..

Almost all London primary schools wear proper shirts/blouses and ties. My Dd wears an elasticated tie until juniors when they have to have a proper tie up tie. I think that YANBU Lowla My own Dd is now in Y1, but a year ago one of her three day old cardigans went missing. Dd is taller than all the Dc's in her year and where they were all wearing 4/5 and 5/6 year olds clothing, Dd's cardigan was age 7/8 ! We never did get it back and hers was labelled with her name sewn into the front placket, hardly hidden!!
I ended up embroidering her initials onto the outside of her uniform. Perhaps you could do that too OP? makes it very visible.

Oh yes! I also told them that as I was replacing an expensive piece of uniform that had clearly been stolen taken home by someone else and kept, that I was going to use the school fund money that I had saved up.

£7.50 is a massive amount for a primary school tie - I work at a Junior school that has ties and they are £2.40 for an ordinary one and £2.95 for a clip on. Whenever I sell one, I write the name directly on the back of the tie with a laundry pen. Since we started doing that, we don't have half so many going missing...

As for the checking names, if we did a parade every time someone mislaid something, it would take up a ridiculous amount of time.

EdMcDunnough - who are you suggesting should 'check them [the ties?] when the children are at PE? The teacher will be in the hall/gym with the children....

Schools should make it clear from day one that putting on an item of uniform on that is not yours is theft and remind the children to check.

If DCs were taught to look after not only their own things, but pick up others off the cloak room floor and hand in things they find. Everyone would be hugely happier.

If the staff did like wise it would be amazing. Ours just dumped stuff in the cloak room to get lost again. Please send a child to stick it in lost property.

I don't like coming into school and searching the cloak room, the dinner hall and the DDs classrooms, but given one dyslexic DD (who has an excuse for being dippy) and one DD who simply has a blank spot for school jumpers and coats, I have to.

The latter is a total mystery as she is a very clever, very organised child in every other respect.