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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send dd to school with a tie until school returns the other two?

165 replies

Lowla · 14/09/2012 11:17

My daughter has recently started primary school. Last week was the first week of gym and she came out of school with no tie on. The teacher said another child must have taken it home by mistake, and not to worry as i'd sewn dd's name on it so it would be returned.

This week, on Monday, she had gym again. The first tie still hadn't been returned and she'd been wearing her spare one to school since.
She came out at hometime with no tie again! The teacher apologised and said - again - her name's on it so it should be returned soon. I told the teacher that 2 ties going missing in as many weeks in not on, and i'd have to send dd to school with no tie until they'd been returned. The teacher was a bit funny about this, asked if i had another spare tie instead. When i said no, she sent out a letter out to parents the next day (Tuesday) asking if my dd's ties had been put in their children's bags by mistakes. Yesterday, none of the ties had been handed in and dd was still being sent to school tie-less. The teacher said that she has a spare one in her desk i could borrow in the mean time. I had a look at it and it has a big paint stain down it, so i said no. She then asked if i would consider buying another one and she'd make sure that it would be safe during all future gym lessons. I said no. Ties are £7.50 each and i'd already lost £15. I wasn't prepared to spend anymore.

Anyway, this morning, the HEAD came up to me and said that it looks bad for the school if a pupil doesn't comply with uniform rules, especially a primary one. She said that children's stuff goes missing all the time at school, it's all part of it and tried to make out it was dd's fault for not being responsible enough.

DD has told me that she left both ties on her desk each time before heading off to the gym hall, and when she gets back afterwards, the children are very excited and throw the uniform all around the room - so obviously mix ups happen.

I asked the head if she could please look at all the children's ties in dd's class to try and identify hers as her name's stitched in. She said she couldn't do this as it would embarrass the children. I refused to buy a tie, she offered to sell me one for £5 instead and I still said no.

She was really annoyed by then and said dd's golden time might suffer as a result of not wearing the correct uniform.

Sorry, this is much longer than i thought it would be.

Am i being unreasonable not buying another tie? Should i stand my ground and wait on getting offered a free one?

OP posts:
cheekybarsteward · 14/09/2012 11:28

How do the children get away with throwing their clothes away?
If this issue was addressed then the problem would disappear?

FunnysInLaJardin · 14/09/2012 11:28

YANBU, but am so glad DS's school do have ties, what a huge faff

cheekybarsteward · 14/09/2012 11:29

around, not away, god I haven't even started on the vino yet Blush

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 11:29

You asked if you could send you child in wearing non uniform on PE days? Shock

That makes you sound a little crazy to be honest, and it makes it more understandable why the school are beng so insistent with you over a tie.

Floggingmolly · 14/09/2012 11:30

Is she the only one losing her tie? If so, how come? I've never encountered a school tie costing £7.50, btw.

WhatYouLookingAt · 14/09/2012 11:30

It's not the teachers fault if parents haven't returned your ties, is it? Why blame her?

Original poster
Lowla · 14/09/2012 11:30

The one the teacher was offering had a very obvious stain on it. It's black ink or paint and even the teacher said she's not been able to get it out, but it'll 'do for now'.

I was tempted to buy the new £5 one, but then i thought why the hell should i? (I'm a bit stubborn.) That would then be £20 for school ties in the first month back at school. No chance. I got the sew-in labels as i thought they'd be harder to remove than the iron ones.

Yes, it's a state primary she's at and she's almost 5yo. I don't think uniform is a legal requirement - just a school preference.

It was dd who told me about the children getting excited after gym and throwing the unfiform around. I told the teacher this too and she said she'd looked in the classroom and couldn't find anything. And no spare ties have been left either. So one child has obviously taken two ties home with them each time, it's not just a case of taking the wrong one home.

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 14/09/2012 11:33

Clearly the school needs to rethink how the children get changed and put some structure into it! Why are the children allowed to chuck their clothes around the room? The school need to stop that. If they did, then things wouldn't go missing, would they? Perhaps say that you will buy the new tie if they will change things from this apparent crazy free for all into something more sensible and perhaps even a drawer for each of the children to put their clothes into when they change for pe.

NellyJob · 14/09/2012 11:33

tbh i think its ridiculous making 4 year olds wear ties, but you did choose that school for her so really you just have to suck it up, excuse the expressions, no point in rocking the boat too much....

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 11:33

So your DD will be the only child not wearing a tie for the next 6 or 7 years?

Or will you become less 'stubborn' about it eventually?

HecateHarshPants · 14/09/2012 11:34

and why not mark the front of the new tie, so it can be seen by anyone looking at the tie when on. Harder for another child to wear it. Not a big ink spot of course Grin but something that you'd see if you knew what you were looking for.

Original poster
Lowla · 14/09/2012 11:37

I didn't ask if she could wear non uniform on gym days. I asked if she could wear a white polo shirt under her cardigan instead of a proper shirt (stiff collar/buttons) and no tie as it would be easier at changing times. They said no. You're not allowed to wear polo shirts at this school, only at gym times.

There's only one teacher to twenty five children and no teaching assistant. I'm not blaming the teacher at all. She's lovely and has went out her way to help. And to be in charge of 25 hyper kids, helping them get changed etc, it would be really hard to make sure they're not all chucking their unifom around.

I'm just annoyed at losing all that money and being asked to spend more. IMO the head should offer a free one at least.

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 14/09/2012 11:37

You do sound as if you've totally dug your heals in here a bit too much. You also realise that you will now be seen as "one of those sort of mothers!"

If I were you, I'd calm down a bit and think of your daughter in all this. Ask for the one in the teachers drawer and wash it.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 14/09/2012 11:38

I'm not surprised at the price - my son's school charged a similar amount for a tie.

cheekybarsteward · 14/09/2012 11:39

Get iron on name tags but write STOLEN in indelible ink underneath Grin

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 11:40

Unless there is a specific problem with the class teacher being unable to keep the children under control, it's not up to the Head to supply you with a free tie.

HecateHarshPants · 14/09/2012 11:40

Sorry, but a teacher can stop a class of children from chucking their clothes around the room. They are supposed to be in charge!

I just about remember my primary school days Grin one teacher to about 35 of us. Nobody chucked anything about, I promise you that!

well, apart from the teacher. Grin

Original poster
Lowla · 14/09/2012 11:42

No, they get changed in the classroom and are asked to keep their uniform on their own desks. The pegs outside in the corridor are just for their coats.

I was hoping another week of sending her in with no tie might push the head over the edge and she'd finally offer me a tie free of charge. If i was a head teacher, i know that's what i'd do. At enrollment day, she stressed so much about making sure all our children's items were marked with their names. This would ensure nothing got lost. I've labelled everything - lunch box, sandwich box, shoes, water bottles, even her pencils! And yet, my daughter's the only one to have lost anything yet.

I've asked the main office if her ties have been put in lost property, and they said no ties at all are in there yet.

OP posts:
HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 14/09/2012 11:45

YANBU

I am sick to death of dds school banging on about labelling everything.

I do this, i always have but nothing that has been lost has ever been returned.

DD lost a £15 school fleece in nursery, it was three days old and was gone for weeks. Everyday i checked the pegs and looked at all the name tags in the fleeces. One day i found dds fleece, told the teacher 'x has her fleece, i am taking it back' and she said to me 'oh we thought he had but we weren't allowed to say or check incase he got upset' wtaf?!

Do not buy another tie, it makes , you do not have money to burn. It makes me so Angry

WorraLiberty · 14/09/2012 11:46

I think it's far more likely that the Head won't replace it and your DD will be known as the girl whose Mum can't afford a tie Sad

Hecate I think we went to the same school Grin

Mind you, when the teacher shouted at us...parents weren't up in arms about it and wouldn't have dreamed of going to the Head to complain their PFBs had been told off....

Original poster
Lowla · 14/09/2012 11:46

I think i might be acting a bit too stubborn on this. But i'm really peeved.

What's to say this new tie won't go missing too? Where will it end? Will the head keep expecting me to buy more and more?

What if i genuinely couldn't afford £5? If i was seriously struggling (and for all the head knows - i could be), my dd would get punished because i hypothetically couldn't afford to buy a third tie for a few weeks?

It's just not right.

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 14/09/2012 11:47

All the primaries around here wear the polo shirts as everyday shirts, and a plain white Tshirt for PE. No ties to be seen.

Senior schools are usually proper shirt, tie, blazer etc.

I do think it's a big ask for the class and the teacher to have 25 four or five year olds in buttoned up shirts and ties, all getting changed for PE!

I would buy the £5 one very reluctantly and tell them it would be the last tie I was buying, and either iron a name label onto it, or marker pen the back of it. Basically make her name non removable from the tie.

It sounds like they need a helper in the classroom at PE time, and / or a better system for the kids of where they put their uniform. I'm shocked the teacher has no TA's in the classroom. Do they not even have any parent helpers or students in? I don't envy the poor teacher!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/09/2012 11:48

Do you realise how much money would have to come out of the schools teaching budget if every parent asked what you are asking?

You are being very precious.

Is your dd in reception or Y1/P1? I can't believ you are worrying about a tie when your child's class has no TA.

I'm guessing now that this is a private school?

orangeandlemons · 14/09/2012 11:48

Can I just ask as am not clear. Is your daughter in junior or infant scholl? How old is she?

If she is in nfant school why are they having a proper button down shirt and tie? One of the reasons for school uniform is practicality. Imagine getting 25 4 year olds into a proper button shirt and tieHmm

At my dd's school they got ready for pe bit by bit. So first month put plimsolls on, 2nd month shorts, 3rd month tops. They are still v little at 5

NellyJob · 14/09/2012 11:51

look you chose a poncy school (c of e?) and you knew that they made babies wear ties, i bet you thought they all looked lovely. now you have to live with it, take the bloody tie the teacher offered you and wash it and stop moaning.