To not send dd to school with a tie until school returns the other two?

[Lowla]

My daughter has recently started primary school. Last week was the first week of gym and she came out of school with no tie on. The teacher said another child must have taken it home by mistake, and not to worry as i'd sewn dd's name on it so it would be returned.

This week, on Monday, she had gym again. The first tie still hadn't been returned and she'd been wearing her spare one to school since.
She came out at hometime with no tie again! The teacher apologised and said - again - her name's on it so it should be returned soon. I told the teacher that 2 ties going missing in as many weeks in not on, and i'd have to send dd to school with no tie until they'd been returned. The teacher was a bit funny about this, asked if i had another spare tie instead. When i said no, she sent out a letter out to parents the next day (Tuesday) asking if my dd's ties had been put in their children's bags by mistakes. Yesterday, none of the ties had been handed in and dd was still being sent to school tie-less. The teacher said that she has a spare one in her desk i could borrow in the mean time. I had a look at it and it has a big paint stain down it, so i said no. She then asked if i would consider buying another one and she'd make sure that it would be safe during all future gym lessons. I said no. Ties are £7.50 each and i'd already lost £15. I wasn't prepared to spend anymore.

Anyway, this morning, the HEAD came up to me and said that it looks bad for the school if a pupil doesn't comply with uniform rules, especially a primary one. She said that children's stuff goes missing all the time at school, it's all part of it and tried to make out it was dd's fault for not being responsible enough.

DD has told me that she left both ties on her desk each time before heading off to the gym hall, and when she gets back afterwards, the children are very excited and throw the uniform all around the room - so obviously mix ups happen.

I asked the head if she could please look at all the children's ties in dd's class to try and identify hers as her name's stitched in. She said she couldn't do this as it would embarrass the children. I refused to buy a tie, she offered to sell me one for £5 instead and I still said no.

She was really annoyed by then and said dd's golden time might suffer as a result of not wearing the correct uniform.

Sorry, this is much longer than i thought it would be.

Am i being unreasonable not buying another tie? Should i stand my ground and wait on getting offered a free one?

In her PE bag.
Under her desk.

On the floor under the pegs.

Go in on Monday and have a quick look round. You'll find it.

Are you in Scotland, OP? Schools in Scotland can't punish children for not wearing uniform (this was true even in the dark ages - 70's- when I was at primary school). I suggest you ask the head to lend you a new tie until one of your two others gets returned. Seems like a reasonable accommodation. She gets her kids all looking nice and you don't have to shell out the money for a third tie or settle for an obviously stained one. You can promise to clean the tie before you return it.

What harley said, OR agree to buy another on the clear understanding that you will not buy a fourth so if they want their pupils smartly turned out they will have to be more pro-active about finding it.

When do they normally take their PE kits home?The tie will be in someones PE bag and will turn up til they take their PE kids home to be washed.
YANBthough
Can't you teach your DD to stuff her tie up in the arm of her jumper in the changing room etc so noone will even see it and pick it up by mistake.

my daughter had this at high school the school gave her one until hers turned up apparently she told them i would not be happy if i had to buy a second tie! in all her primary schools ties have not been compulsory unless the press come around then they like you to have a shirt and tie available so you all look fab (apparently)

we dont take PE bags in. On PE days they take in shorts (in their school bag or they put them on under their clothes) and then bring them home afterwards to get washed. They keep their polo shirts on for PE and just change their bottom half.

I agree with not making them change. We lived in the states 7 yrs, the younger kids just change shoes! so much easier...

YANBU ffs is the OP supposed to spend 7.50 every time the tie goes missing. What if this happens every week of the school term? Ridiculous.

It hasn't been stolen! What 4 year old would steal a tie???? I'm 99% sure that op's dd lobbed it across the room and it landed behind a cupboard. Or it fell on the floor and has accidently been kicked under something. I would ask if I could check the classroom. As for staff not being allowed to check everyone's got the right clothes - who made that up? It goes on all the time, it has to, it's normal.

The uniform at my DDs school is polo shirt/shirt & jumper/cardigan either with the school logo or just the school colours. They are pretty relaxed about it.

£7.50 for a tie? Serious rip off.

What four year old would steal a tie?
Fair point, LeeCoakley!

As I said. Go in on Monday and have look round. You'll find it.

It was me who said the ties were stolen. A four year old will not steal a tie. But the parents who don't send it back, despite getting a letter from the school raising the matter - yes, they have stolen the tie.

But NO child would be wearing two ties! So I don't see how another child has it.

I would buy new tie and put a little embroidered flowery thing or something bright coloured at the bottom so 'you can see it's your tie and no one elses' and then unlikely anyone else will nick it as it is too obvious.

It is probably crumpled at the bottom of someone's schoolbag or under their bed, never to see the light of day again.

On the front of it that is.

I think the Head saying your daughter's Golden Time might suffer as a result of not wearing the tie is frankly a bit much.

And if they feel so very strongly about uniforms, putting 4-year-olds in 7.50 ties does not seem the way to go. Unnecessarily complicated and unnecessary expense.

Yes, I could see that another child could put a shoe on and not realise a tie was inside, so on that basis I can see that the tie COULD go to to someone's home and never come back! But putting it in a PE bag means that it's still there unless they go home weekly. The teacher should check these or let Op do it. It's around - I know it!

Last year our son had his jumper mixed up with another kid's by his afterschool club instructor! He kept saying that "that's not mine, it doesn't have my name on it" but he ingored him so he came home crying. Parents (about 20 children in the club?) were never told to check their children's clothing!

After a few months a teaching assistant asked our son on a hot day to take his jumper off and handg it somewhere in the playground. When he didn't find it and we asked the office they said that he was irresponsible because that's not the place to hang clothes on and don't children like to blame others?! I replied that NO, it was the TA who asked him to do it! Then there was no reply and nobody even bothered to ask who the TA was so they could at least advice her!

Another time his teacher was insisting that he put his hat inside his jacket's cleeve and not inside his bookbag as we always advice him (quite a few hats have been lost). The same day he lost his hat. Sadly, they always have to put their clothes inside their book/PE bags otherwise they lose them, despite this not being the best procedure that the school advocates. And even then you can still not be sure, can you?

£7.50 for a tie!

Uniform is not a legal requirement in primary school. You could ask that the school replace like for like (a new tie) if they are unwilling/unable to try and locate the old tie. I would not buy a third tie and if my DD's golden time was to suffer I would complain to the LEA/governors. Children of primary age do not have to wear uniform. Your DD is obviously a reception/infant aged child and really the teacher should be keeping a close eye on things

How unique is the tie? Does it have a name/crest or is a it a bog-standard background colour/ contrast stripe thing? If it's the latter you can probably source one cheaply from elsewhere.

In fact you can set up a rival business charging a fiver a pop