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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider not sending DD on the residential school trip because she is too young?

153 replies

NCForNow · 13/09/2012 17:05

She's just turned 8. She is in year 4. She only began at this school a year ago and is JUST finding her feet...naturally shy and quiet.

She says she wants to go.

It seems SO young! Two nights and three days away doing adventure type things.

AIBU to consider not sending her?

OP posts:

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 13/09/2012 21:59

DS is Year 4 and came home tonight from Cubs with his letter about what to pack for 2 nights at PGL next weekend - he was pretty much packed within half an hour of coming through the door and is so excited.

DD didn't go anywhere until Year 8 as she didn't want to. Her trip wasn't a big success but it gave her confidence that she could survive on her own hich has helped her starting upper school this term. She didn't want to go anywhere before then and I didn't force her. As others have said, your DD wants to go and you need to put your feelings aside on this one.

Portofino · 13/09/2012 21:59

I was dead upset this year when Brownie Camp coincided with Dd's 8th Birthday, Was she bothered. Not one jot. I sent cake. They made a suitable fuss. We did special birthday lunch and pressies when she got back.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 22:00

This is why I like the Scout and Guide Association - they understand this.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 13/09/2012 22:00

Sorry, didn't see your post . That's one of the things about these trips, they make more friends on them.

numbertaker · 13/09/2012 22:02

YANBU - if you don't feel she is ready, then don't. You are the adult and the parent, you, not the child, know best.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 22:03

Well done NCforNow- you should be proud that she has come so far. Have a word with the teacher and make sure that they understand.

Sirzy · 13/09/2012 22:03

Porto - I am a youth leader and love it when a birthday falls on a camp/course weekend, we always go out and get them a cake and make a fuss of them!

Portofino · 13/09/2012 22:04

NC - she will be fine. She wants to go, that is the main thing. Let her build up gently...oh isn't this exciting, what are you going to pack etc etc. Don't let her see your anxiety. The friends thing is nothing to worry about, as these things are well organised and they all just muck in - honest.

TheCraicDealer · 13/09/2012 22:05

And then if she doesn't go then she'll be left out of conversations for months afterwards. Going will only make a closer bond with whichever of her little buddies she's going with.

Original poster

NCForNow · 13/09/2012 22:06

They do know exotic her year three teacher worked closely with us all last year as did the head teacher...amazing they were. They were about to get her assessed when she suddenly began coming out of herself...in fact today she turned another corner and ran out of school like all the other kids...usually she comes out in an odd self concious way.

She talked all the way down the path..and even spoke to other kids who spoke to her...usually she used to just look away.

OP posts:

Portofino · 13/09/2012 22:08

Sirzy - the Brownie fuss beat hands down anything we could have done. She had a fabulous time.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 22:12

Great NCForNow - there is nothing better than a residential for bonding. DCs are, generally,very caring when they are away from home and supportive. The staff will contact you if there is a problem. It is much worse to keep her from going.She will have to go into another class, listen to all the preparation, be left out of all the follow up work and not be able to join in the conversations. It will do wonders for her self confidence to go. The school must be handling it well to get the progress they had - I am sure they will handle it all with sensitivity.

solidgoldbrass · 13/09/2012 22:14

My DS went on his first residential school trip aged 6 and had a wonderful time.

Original poster

NCForNow · 13/09/2012 22:14

They are an amazing school Exotic tbh I have NO idea what they've done to her! She is like a different child and it's almost overnight. Bless them.

OP posts:

jellybeans · 13/09/2012 22:17

YABU. I let my 7 year olds go on cub camp, they were delayed and had had several serious accidents as they were so clumsy/boistrous (one is visually impaired). I dropped them off at a camp quite far away and surouned by cliff edges, I'm glad I didn't google it before they went as there had very sadly been a tragedy there in the past. I was a nervous wreck and all weekend felt sick. But I sill let them go and they had an amazing time, picking them up I as so glad they had gone as it was such a fun experience and that is what childhood is about, making memories. It will be hard for you but the time flies in a weekend.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 22:18

I am sure that you can have every confidence in that case.
I had 2DCs who went happily and one who found it difficult. The one who found it difficult went on a residential after only 2 weeks at secondary - I was very apprehensive but it was the best thing he could have done and he made friendships much quicker. I was fully expecting to collect him in year 6 but he managed and enjoyed it.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 22:21

Parenting isn't easy - it is hard to wave them off -but as an adult you deal with it and don't let your DC know. It is your problem.

ThePieWhoLovedMe · 13/09/2012 22:27

NCforNow - my son is almost 10 and I am STILL worried about school trips... of course I let him go - and try not to let my anxieties rid off on him ..but it is still hard !! Let her go ..you must let her go

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 22:32

I don't think that you ever get to a point where you don't worry! (not if you have DCs who do activities like ice climbing as adults!)

MomsNatter · 13/09/2012 22:57

I only have a four year old and a 1 year old but 8 seems young to me. I bow to the superior knowledge of other mumsnetters though as i don't know how i'll feel in 4 years!

mummymeister · 13/09/2012 23:24

speaking as the child who was never allowed to go on school trips because of an anxious mum i can say how much i missed out. i was given rubbish things to do whilst the others were away. when they came back they had all little stories and incidences that i wasnt part of and i felt completely excluded. the trip in my 4th year at senior school for a whole week that i didnt go on was the absolute last straw. my 3 go on everything. if they have a problem then the school would let them come home early/i could go and pick them up. since they were 7 mine have been on their own for a week at PGL camp. please dont make your child stand out by not letting her go.

nokidshere · 13/09/2012 23:30

Aww I know exactly how you feel - I so wasn't prepared for my boy going away without me - I mean all sorts of things could go wrong couldn;t they? I had tons of scenarios in my head about why it wasn't a good idea too! Of course, like any good parent i kept all this to myself.

My boys have loved every one of their residentials, from the first 2 night stay in yr3 to the whole week in yr6 and they always come back full of excitement and confidence.

I of course worry just as much now as I did on the first one and my heart beats normally again as soon as I see the coach arriving with them safely home.

YANBU for being nervous. She will have a great time :)

exoticfruits · 14/09/2012 07:40

I think that yours is the post that everyone should read, mummymeister.

cory · 14/09/2012 09:23

NCForNow, I also had a very very shy child who had suffered from selective mutism, who took refuge in a language not spoken in this country and hid under the table during his first day at school.

Now, at the start of Yr 8, he is an extremely social creature, with friends calling all the time, and every time I go past the school I see a posse of girls clinging to him and giggling at his every word.

So what happened? Well, I don't think it was anything I did, but I do think it may have been partly to do with something I avoided. I did try very hard at each new stage of his life not to remember what he had been like the year/week/day before and project that onto the present circumstances. Often I found outsiders, like teachers or extended family, were better at noticing what he was really like because they didn't have the baggage, so I tried to listen to others.

I changed at university from a social recluse to somebody who really enjoyed people. Part of that was a conscious decision. People change; they don't always stay the same.

It sounds like your dd might be ready to start re-inventing herself. Go with the flow, try not to have a fixed idea of who she is. She is still only little; she doesn't have to stay the shy child you remember.

ChazsGoldAttitude · 14/09/2012 09:35

cory - good post

NC you must be very proud of your DD and the way she has progressed. I would see this trip as another step forward in developing her confidence. I'm glad you are letting her go.

The children are fine on these trips and are so busy they don't have time to worry - unlike us parents who sit at home fretting - only to be greeted by a child who comes bouncing back asking if they can go again.

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