To consider not sending DD on the residential school trip because she is too young?

[NCForNow]

She's just turned 8. She is in year 4. She only began at this school a year ago and is JUST finding her feet...naturally shy and quiet.

She says she wants to go.

It seems SO young! Two nights and three days away doing adventure type things.

AIBU to consider not sending her?

It sounds fantastic!

Please let her go if she wants to.Go on!

Of course you are BU, and of course she must go if she wants to.

Apart from anything else it will HELP her find her feet. It will HELP her make friends and be less shy and quiet. Adventure and being away will increase her confidence NO END. If you worry and angst and show that you are negative about it you will undermine her confidence in wanting to go.

This is all your problem, not hers.

You know you have to get a grip (), so you might as well do so before you affect her confidence.

Good lluck - everyone feels like this before their child goes away unaccompanied for the first time.

You'll be fine and she'll be fine.

YANBU to consider not sending her
but
YWBU to actually not send her.

I used DS1's residential trip as a time to focus more on DS2 as he didn't have to share us with his older brother.

YABU- I was only just 7 and in Y3 when I went on my first residential (for 5 days), and we went for 5 days every year from Y3-Y6. There were a few kids who weren't allowed to go (in fact there was one girl whose parents wouldn't allow her to go on the 3 day residential aged 13) and they just have to sit at the back of another class reading or something while the rest of the class are off having fun. Let her go!

YABU is she wants to go, let her!!

I took my year 4's away for a week, they were all fine, we had a great time!!

How dare the school do this to me?
I also really hope this is tongue in cheek, teacher's are expected to go on these trips, receive no extra pay and spend time away from their families. It's also completely knackering, I've never been so tired as I was at the end of a residential, even when my own were newborns.

If she want to go, then let her. What better way for her to truly settle in and make even closer friendship bonds!

FWIW at DD's school they do 3 night residentials every year from Y3 onwards. They also do another 2 night weekend residential from age 8y open.

DD has always loved them. She comes back full of it, so enthusiastic. It is the highlight of the school year for them all.

And given that you love her to bits, of course, you need to consider that if you don't let her go you could make her feel left out and isolated when all the others return, talking about it and having bonded in the dorms and had great experiences together. That is not what a shy child needs.

The schools do these trips because they know how much the kids enjoy them and how good for them it is.

One thing you can do to help with bedtime is to write a little note for her to tuck under her pillow. I did that the first trip. DD is in Y6 now and she still likes me to write her secret bedtime note!

Oh - and YOU will find the whole thing way harder than DD will. She will be far to busy having fun to be missing you. YOU however - oh yes, you will miss her from the second she leaves til she gets back! But that is no reason for her not to go.

"Oh god, your one of those mum's who'd go and stay in the nearest B&B aren't you...."

There you go - the perfect solution. Local B&B and a pair of binoculars.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic - DD went to France for 3 days in May, during Y5. So she'd just turned 10y but some girls were still 9y. They had a great time! It did feel very odd them actually being out of the country - felt like a much bigger step than a normal residential because of that. But they came home buzzing.

DS's school do a residential in Yr4, for him it will be next April as he's just started Yr 4. They also do a longer one in Yr 6.

DS is chuffed that he has already had a weekend away from family with Cubs, ahead of the rest of his class going away next April.

DD also went away in Y4 and Yr 6 and had a whale of a time. You'll find the schools are experienced at this and are used to having to help shy children come out of their shell in residentials.

Let your DD go, it will be a good time for her.

Please don't hold her back. If she's the only one who doesn't go she could feel really left out when her classmates return.

I understand how you feel, but I also think you should be proud of her for wanting to go. If you don't let her, you are possibly going to damage her blossoming confidence in herself.

YABU.
Your dd is happy to go. She wants to. She should be your barometer as what is age appropriate or not in this instance.

Don't stop her from growing up and have fun because of your own fears. :(

I wouldn't force her to go if she didn't feel she could, but if she wants to go then of course she should.

I assume the other children going will be from her own school year, so the same age? Or will the others all be older?

Will be fine, primary does a residential in year 6. This summer sent DS2 (15), DS3 (10) and DS4 (7.5) to a weeks residential at PGL. IN fact it was DS2 who siad he didn't socialise well and was a bit miserable as we dumped left them and ran off for a week of child free fun!!

All really loved it, DS2 of course wowed all the girls, DS3 who isn't the most confident at times had a good 'report' and DS4 went for it too!!

Hulababy - poor old DD is a neglected third child. DS1 has already gone on school trips to Cyprus (yr6) and Switzerland (Yr9) so France doesn't even give the slightest twinge

Hohum..

Give me the slightest twinge.

This is what I write in my Pack Holiday info letter to parents:

Please do:
Pack with your Brownie so she knows where everything is
Encourage your Brownie that she?s going to enjoy her holiday and that it is an adventure
Make farewells brief & calm
Arrive & leave on time & promptly (if you arrive early on Sunday, please wait ....)

Please don?t:
Arrive early (it can disrupt the last part of the programme and upset other girls)
Tell your daughter you?re going to miss her (it might make her feel guilty about coming)
Make changes at home (even minor ones like rearranging the furniture)
Let your daughter know all the fun things that she?ll be missing at home

Ooh Bartlet - we did one of your don't big style when Dd went on her Brownie PGL trip. We totally redecorated her room. BUT in fairness we had told her beforehand and she was totally up for it and very very excited to know it was being done. It was being changed form a little girl's room to a cool (in her opinion) Harry Potter room. Didn't know it was a no no!

Hula I'd guess in your case, as your DD was up for it and knew in advance it was being done, it was okay. I'd agree not to make any changes any DC didn't know about, though.

I agree with all those who say you should let her go. My older dc have all been to something similar from y3 and dc3 is about to go on his first residential trip (he is 7). None of mine have ever complained or not enjoyed themselves. It is the best bit of the school year for them.

My only child dd who is the same age as yours went all alone, with her local Brownie and Guide pack to Disney Paris for 4 days........she can be clingy, didn't take fav sleep bear in case she lost her and has never slept without her......I worried.......

She had a blast! !

Does one give them a mobile phone? Or would that be discouraged?

That would definitely be discouraged, my DC weren't allowed to take them (not that they had them at the time, but ykwim) Contact full stop is generally discouraged as that's more likely to upset them than anything else.

"She might miss me! She might struggle...I don't know..."
sounds more like YOU will miss her and struggle, I think she'll be fine