Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider not sending DD on the residential school trip because she is too young?

153 replies

NCForNow · 13/09/2012 17:05

She's just turned 8. She is in year 4. She only began at this school a year ago and is JUST finding her feet...naturally shy and quiet.

She says she wants to go.

It seems SO young! Two nights and three days away doing adventure type things.

AIBU to consider not sending her?

OP posts:
OwedToAutumn · 13/09/2012 20:50

A positive anecdote for you.

A friend's DS started at a new school in year 4. He didn't really settle down, and my friend and her DH wished they hadn't moved him. Until he went on the residential trip, after which he was very happy at the school, and one of the gang.

The trip could well be a very positive experience for your DD.

apostropheuse · 13/09/2012 21:01

Your daughter who has always been quiet and shy actually WANTS to go.

If you don't allow her to go she will probably feel left-out and her self-confidence will be damaged at a time where she really needs to be building it up.

It could well be the making of her - and you!

I really think it would be a crying shame to not allow her this exciting adventure that her school friends are about to experience.

You have to put your daughter's needs before your own really.

Portofino · 13/09/2012 21:02

apostro. Very true.

candr · 13/09/2012 21:08

Let her go. The children in my class that were not allowed to go hated it. The class wants to talk about trip leading up to it, as the teacher I have a few Q&A sessions with them, meeting with parents and open door to any queries/worries from kids or parents. When you get back there is a big display board of pictures, an assembly to tell school about it and various bits of work based on it.
I then had to plan 3 days lessons for 3 different children all different abilities whose parents then decided to take them on holiday insted.
All the children have a great time and are proud of their achievements, some are a bit homesick but a quiet chat does the trick and most are too tired to stay awake anyway. If desperate they can phone home or be picked up but I have never had one do it in 7 years.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 21:09

But it should never, ever be about you.

Very true. She wants to go-be pleased.

lovebunny · 13/09/2012 21:10

far too young. shouldn't go away unless they can make their way home unaccompanied.

seeker · 13/09/2012 21:12

That is a joke, isn't it, lovebunny?

minceorotherwise · 13/09/2012 21:13

Ooh I'm going to hold your hand. I would hate it to. Thought terrifys me.

minceorotherwise · 13/09/2012 21:13

Too

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 21:29

I would hate it to

Why does this matter? Confused
The DD has said that she wants to go. I think it so sad that parents put their own insecurities onto their DCs.
As the adult you hide your feelings.
They will contact you if there is a problem.

StillSquiffy · 13/09/2012 21:33

It's an infestation tonight, I tell ya

Jssthdg · 13/09/2012 21:33

Nope. If parent isn't happy for her child to go on a residential, then the child needn't go. Plenty of time for activities like that when child is older. Wish schools would just stick to educating children between 8.45am and 3.15pm - let me and DH to the rest.

seeker · 13/09/2012 21:37

But what if the child wants to go?

PropositionJoe · 13/09/2012 21:38

We ALL hate it. That isn't the point.

TheCraicDealer · 13/09/2012 21:41

I'm always a bit Hmm about parents on these threads worrying about their child missing them. The three or four days they're away are so packed with activities they don't have a spare minute, and any downtime is spent larking about with their mates throwing horrible chicken burgers out the dining room window (....just me?). Bedtime could be difficult, but even then they're generally worn out at the end of the day and zonk out. Any time you have a wobble just think of her wee face when she gets off the bus and starts telling you all of her little stories from the trip.

RedBlanket · 13/09/2012 21:41

My DTs are doing their first one in a few weeks also year 4. I'm dreading it, they're counting down the days till they are going. I recognise my own pfb-ness, but I still get a lump in my throat thinking about not speaking to my babies for two whole days! I'm being all upbeat about it to them, I don't want them to not go because I'll miss them so much.

"Oh god, your one of those mum's who'd go and stay in the nearest B&B aren't you....". Just checking, this is a bad thing.

Lolwhut · 13/09/2012 21:42

Sorry I haven't read all the replies. Blush

How about speaking to her teacher, tell her that you are nervous. I imagine that they will be able to reassure you. It would be a bit PFB if you didn't send her especially when she wants to go.

ravenAK · 13/09/2012 21:44

Please don't keep your dd at home because you're anxious - she wants to go, & it'll help no end to 'embed' her as one of the gang.

If she was having to be peeled off you, desperate to stay at home, it'd be different; but she wants to go, not to be left out! You should be very proud at how your 'shy and quiet' dd is gaining confidence - good for her Smile.

& yes to everyone who's pointed out that it's bloody knackering for the teachers. We do it because it has a massively positive impact on the children. I'm a veteran of many a residential & don't begrudge the time or tiredness at all - I'm looking forward to my own dc getting to go with their school.

Portofino · 13/09/2012 21:46

I always like the sentiment that our job as parents is to "give them roots and give them wings". I miss my dd everytime she is away from me, at school, at Brownie camp, at sleepover with friends. I worry when she plays outside on her bike with her friends.

But these things are IMPORTANT. We can't wrap them in cotton wool and watch them 24/7. Our job as parents is to help them become independant, healthy, happy beings. You have to start somewhere.

foreverondiet · 13/09/2012 21:49

I thought your were going to say year 1 or year 2. If she wants to go YABU.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 21:49

Wish schools would just stick to educating children between 8.45am and 3.15pm - let me and DH to the rest.

Your DCs would have a boring time if schools did this. Luckily they try and make education interesting. They give up their free time, leave their own families and have an exhausting time-all for the good of the DCs so they are happy to do it.
It is a shame that some parents are so insecure that they stop a DC who wants to go. (it would be different if they didn't want to go)

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 21:50

A wonderful post Portofino-and so true.

Portofino · 13/09/2012 21:51

There is a big world out there. We do our dcs no favours by restricting their access to it unless Mum or Dad are there.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 21:57

You have to start letting go - and nowhere better than a residential with friends, adults who know them and a safe environment - if they want to go.

Original poster
NCForNow · 13/09/2012 21:58

Oh alright alright! I said a while ago that I would let her go didn't I? Can't believe how many people keep getting on this thread and repeating one another!

For what it's worth...DD has been a very anxious child in the past..she had selective mutism from age three...and was silent much of the time....especially around adults she did not know. And by know I mean intimately...like family.

All this talk of "She'll be ahving a laugh with her mates" does't comfort me...it makes me nervous as she only has a couple of friends. I will let her go of course I will....I am just worrying because of the way she has always been. Luckily she is coming out of it lately.

OP posts: