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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider not sending DD on the residential school trip because she is too young?

153 replies

NCForNow · 13/09/2012 17:05

She's just turned 8. She is in year 4. She only began at this school a year ago and is JUST finding her feet...naturally shy and quiet.

She says she wants to go.

It seems SO young! Two nights and three days away doing adventure type things.

AIBU to consider not sending her?

OP posts:
ChazsGoldAttitude · 13/09/2012 18:12

Mobile phones were not allowed on DS1's trip in Y4.

Littlebluetoo · 13/09/2012 18:19

Our year 2's do an overnight residential trip, the year 4's do a 4 night one and the year 6's a 5 night one.
They LOVE it and it's always one of the strongest and best memories they have of being at school. It sounds like you need her more a little too much. Let the girl grow up for goodness sake.

CMOTDibbler · 13/09/2012 18:23

DS is in Y2 and will still be 6 when they do their overnight residential trip - he's only ever slept away from us at one friends house, but I know he'll be fine. His school do residentials in all years from y2, including camping in the school grounds.

No phones or other electrical items allowed on any trip

GladbagsGold · 13/09/2012 18:26

YAB Totally U

She wants to go. So let her go. Don't make a fuss about it. Its not about you.

And 'just 8' is not particularly young for something like this.

iknowwho · 13/09/2012 18:27

Both DS went on PGL holidays when they were 7 and really loved it and one of them asked a few weeks later if he could go again 'tomorrow' !

Both went away with the scouts from joining.

One went abroad at 15 with Explorers.

When they went away with year 6 both were amazed by the number of kids who hadn't been away before without mum or dad and were surpised at the amount of crying that went on.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 13/09/2012 18:28

Ds is in yr2 and they go on a residential trip in the summer!

DowagersHump · 13/09/2012 18:30

Inneedofbrandy - that was my BIL that happened to. The loon poor mother even wanted to accompany them on outings during the day!

Sirzy · 13/09/2012 18:31

It's not about you or how you feel it's about your dd and denying her a fantastic time with her friends.

It's an organised school trip, the staff both from the school and at the centre will be more than used to taking away young children and making sure they are safe and happy.

Sirzy · 13/09/2012 18:32

Iknow - I have took away groups with 14 year olds who have never spent a night away from home other than with other relatives!

poppy1973 · 13/09/2012 18:34

I worried last year about my little boy going away on a 3 night activity residential activity course. He was Year 3. I worried more than he did and panicked and tried to cancel the trip before he went.

However, he loved it, made him grow up, he did miss us, but had such a fab time and tried new things that he would never have done before. The place was really organised and staff great. He didn't want to come home at the end of it.

He is very young, immature but coped with little things like unpacking suitcase, washing, dressing himself, using showers for the first time and ate really well. Yes as a parent you worry, but once the children are away they often have such a busy and fab time that they soon forget about the parents.

LindyHemming · 13/09/2012 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pourquoimoi · 13/09/2012 18:44

YABU - let her go, it'll be great. Ours go on residentials in yr4 and yr6.

No mobile phones allowed here either.

redexpat · 13/09/2012 18:49

Dont give her a mobile. IF she is homesick knowing she can contact you would make it worse. Don't let her be the kid who didnt go on the fun trip. I think this is more about you than her to be honest. I mean that in the nicest possible way. Smile

SoldeInvierno · 13/09/2012 18:50

YABU. Let her go and try and not pass your insecurities and fears onto her. They are unfounded and you won't be doing her any favours.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 13/09/2012 19:01

My DS2 first went on residential...for 5 days..aged 6! He has special needs and was mostly non verbal back then too, but his special school has always taken the children on residentials from very early age.. they used to do weekend ones from age 3, partly to give the parents a break, and partly because it is THE best way to get to know the children.

I had to trust that they would look after my child..and they did. He's been on one every year since..aged 6-15 and LOVES it.

I'm also a TA and trust me we do look after the children :D We aren't paid for it, it's unbelievably exhausting but it is also immense fun. If your daughter wants to go then don't let her miss out because of your worries/reluctance . Send her off with a big smile!

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 19:19

She says she wants to go.

That is the one important point. Keep your feelings secret and don't lumber her with worrying about you.

Hulababy · 13/09/2012 19:19

NC - in my experience there is no contact between child and parent during the trip. Experience tends to be that contact would be more likely to bring on homesickness and tears. If there are any issues a teacher would call you.

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 19:20

If they are sensible they just write a postcard for contact. No news is good news.

BartletForTeamGB · 13/09/2012 19:54

I would second the no contact as contact make things worse. The other thing I say to parents is "Homesickness - No mobile phones/little messages in their luggage/visits as they can exacerbate homesickness. We?ll be going for distraction & hugs"

Jssthdg · 13/09/2012 20:37

Why are schools so eager to take pupils on residential trips?

exoticfruits · 13/09/2012 20:38

It is great for the DCs.

Portofino · 13/09/2012 20:42

My dd is 8 and does 2 Brownie Camps already - including on her birthday - plus a week pony riding in the Ardennes and a week cooking on the Belgian coast. If your DD is NOT READY then fair enough, though I would try to encourage enthusiamn for a couple of days - as it does them the world of good in encouraging independance. If she really does not want to go, then fair enough. But it should never, ever be about you.

ByTheWay1 · 13/09/2012 20:44

Ours didn't go til Y6 - they were all "ready" then - I personally would have been a bit worried any younger than 10.

I guess if everyone else is going it is time to go with the flow and not be the odd one out.....

dietcokeandwine · 13/09/2012 20:46

Our school starts residentials in Y3 (2 nights) and gradually builds up the number of nights away each year until by Y6 they are away for a complete week.

I would far, far rather this than have no residentials at all until Y6 and then take them away for a week.

DS (also PFB and mild SEN) went on his Y3 residential at 7 and loved it. So on that basis I would have to say YABU....your DD is the perfect age for it...if she's shy/quiet it will probably help her no end. It sounds as if it is more about you having issues with letting DD have a little independence tbh. If she wants to go, let her go, and be as positive and enthusiastic about it as you can. She will have a blast. And you will cope Wink

PropositionJoe · 13/09/2012 20:48

No no no to mobile phone

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