To find Kim Marsh's wedding pictures in incredible bad taste

[Whitershadeofpale]

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Selling your wedding pictures may not be to my taste but each to their own but making money out of posing in your wedding dress with your dead son's ashes leaves an incredibly bad taste in my mouth.

I understand if she'd wanted to take the ashes as a private tribute but exploiting it for financial gain I find frankly disgusting.

Would she have been a cover story without the baby's death?

So the only reason she was on the front cover was because she has lost a baby? I doubt it. Look, lots of covers of her before she lost her baby

It should have been kept private

According to you, but obviously not to her. It is her grief, let her show it how she sees fit.

I loved the photo. Anything that brings it out into the open and makes it "okay" socially for people (and that means mothers AND fathers) to talk about their grief is a good thing IMO.

An acquaintance of mine lost her baby daughter to SIDS at just under a month old. She was desperate to talk about her daughter, show the pictures of her daughter to people, and basically to have some acknowledgement of her grief (and support, I imagine). She said she felt invisible - nobody wanted to speak to her or listen to her talk about her daughter. We had coffee one afternoon and she talked for hours... little things, important things, things that most people would think were rambling or insignificant... but I remember thinking how sad it was that people made her feel that she needed to hide her grief and not talk about her precious child.

We experienced that somewhat when we had 4 pregnancy losses as well. And DH lost his first wife to breast cancer - he was so worried about mentioning her when we first got together after so many people told him he needed to "move on and get on with life" and not "dwell on it."

It can be difficult, I'm always aware when talking about my son that some people are uncomfortable but I understand that for most it's because they don't know what to say.

I have some very good friends who have been amazing this last year. One in particular is brill on a practical level and has been great during this pregnancy. She ha taken me to hospital appointments, listens to how worried I am offers to have 18 month old ds if I ever need her to and loads more.

I don't mention Jacob to her much though as I know it makes her uncomfortable, not because she wants to forget or she wants me to forget but because she just doesn't know what to say and she finds it thinking about what I've been through incredably upsetting.

She shows how much she cares in other ways

I don't know about the EE storyline as I dont watch it, but to br fair to thymeout, there are extremely rare occurances of bereaved mothers taking babies.
I know this because I know someone personally who did it. She had lost her young baby to SIDS. This was back in the time when babies were often left outside shops in prams, and she wheeled one away. She was out of her mind with grief and was convinced it was her baby. The baby was returned quickly as soon as she rejoined her husband. And it was never taken any further. I am quite sure there is no record anywhere of this incident.
Of course this story backs up what others are saying. That she thought it was her child. She didn't want another baby she wanted her own. I am sure incidences like this are extremely rare but it did happen.

I think that also says something about the mothers mh and in the extremely rare cases that it does happen the mother needs help not judgement

Absolutely and thankfully that is exactly what she received. Help and understanding even in those less enlightened times. Although looking at some of the posts on here I don't think some people are very enlightened these days. It did get her bring at such a low point in order to get that help though which is an indication of how damaging the 'move on forget about it, you can always have another' bullshit is.

This issue is being discussed on a few other forums. In general people seem to find the picture being used on the cover of OK inappropriate.

How sad that people think it's appropriate to comment at all on a woman who is grieving for the loss of her baby

But WHY do they think it's inappropriate? If you nail down the reasons, it often just seems to boil down to the public display of grief in having the ashes at the ceremony and in the pictures. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the pictures at all. So why is it inappropriate??

The photos are lovely. If people have problems with public displays of grief then they need to get over themselves imo!

Triggles
There's a thread on DS where people are explaining their views.

Be warned though, some of them are very very blunt and there are some uncomplimentary comments about Mumsnet so don't read it if it will upset you.

What's DS?

Digital Spy?

Ah right, yes of course. Thanks.

just to be completely clear about this thymeout thing. she was, in fact, responding to this one post.

"DaydreamDolly Wed 12-Sep-12 15:22:59
I think it's in incredibly bad taste to EVER judge a woman who's lost a child, no matter what she does in relation to it."

i've no idea who thymeout is, and i don't care much either way. but what she wrote was in response to this one post, rather than any sort of expounding on the subject of what bereaved women do.

why did you meet the EE producer, mrsdevere? was it connected to all the EE Ronnie business? as far as i remembered at the time, there was a case in Canada or somewhere which fitted the bill, it was a subject much discussed on here.

but then i never got at the time why one thing happening on tv would be seen to colour the way we see every bereaved mother. mind you, i never have understood that. i remember being on the ectopic pregnancy trust website after a character had an ep because she'd caught some vd off her boyfriend, and people were going nuts about the mis-representation... i never felt that had any particular bearing on my life either. so maybe this is something that i just don't get. depends what you think tv is for, i guess.

Holy fuckarama.

Had a look at DS. Some totally moronic responses.

And mumsnet is labelled vicious again. Pot and kettle.

Jusfloatingby - I won't be going over there. I read enough drivel from people slamming special needs without going to another site and digesting nonsense that people spout about this as well. Frankly, it just makes me sad that there are so many people that so closed minded and short sighted.

I always try to think "there but for the grace of God go I" in situations like that. When I sat with the acquaintance I mentioned before and she was talking, I was uncomfortable at first, as I didn't know what to say, but I quickly realised it wasn't about what I said but the fact that I LISTENED to her. That I was there for her so she could talk about her child which she so desperately needed to do. A number of years later when we had some losses in pregnancy, I started to understand just a bit of what she meant when she said she felt invisible because nobody talked to her about it.

If Kim Marsh's pictures allows some women (or men, as often they tend to be forgotten in this) to feel more comfortable talking about their grief, then I can only say it's a good thing. And too bad if it makes some uncomfortable to have to see that grief. People need to learn that it's a big part of life.

For goodness sake I am not saying it would never or has never happened.
But there is a perception that it is a fairly common occourance
Why would that be?
Why would someone bring it up as an example if that perception wasn't there?

Thousands of children are abducted daily across the globe. Mostly by men. Yet witness the derision and outrage on MN if anyone seems slightly concerned about 'peedos at every corner'

And yes how dreadfully grown up of you not to be influenced by TV. It's an odd thing to be smug about though. Well done anyway.

I dont know if it was kim's intention(or if she just wanted her little boy there) but I for one am glad that her pictures have started people talking about the loss of a child and how society deals with bereaved parents

Discussions like this make some people more comfortable about dealing with the death of a child ... so thats a good thing

I also thinks it raises awareness of how often these things happen ..17 kids a day are stillborn or die in the first few moments of life ..EVERY DAY why is that number not making headlines
and thats only in the uk

Most of the bereaved mothers I've spoken to would rather not be anywhere near a new born, it's usually a big step to take seeing and holding a new baby after the loss of a pregnancy/infant. The last thing we want to do is run off with one

When I lost my son to SIDS the police came to the hospital to interview me, there was a really lovely policeman and a total bitch of a policewoman. Aside from her not even using my sons name and referring to his as 'the body' the whole time, she then made a comment about having to get me home in case I go to maternity and steal a baby, then later on she said something along the lines of 'if a baby goes missing in the next few months we will be back to interview you' (I put in a complaint backed up by the policeman and she got a warning).

There is a huge perception out there that women who have lost babies are going to be so unstable they will go and steal another baby, yes I was grief stricken, but I didn't want any baby, I wanted my son back. And yes there have probably been rare cases of it happening, but I can think of many more cases of women stealing babies for different reasons. It does always seem to be in kidnap cases on programmes that its some grief stricken mother who has recently lost a child, it doesn't help this myth at all.

God missy I'm so so sorry I'm speechless.

I'm glad you made a complaint.

Thanks Everlong . Apparently she was new and still training or something, she also threatened to arrest me and put me in the cells if I didn't tell them my sons biological fathers name after I explained he wasn't interested and had never met or shown the slightest interest in my son. After I eventually told her she informed me she would personally go around to inform him after I expressly asked her not to. I got the impression she thought I had done something to my son actually. Thank goodness the policeman was there, it was hideous enough without dealing with the shit she was throwing at me too.

missy, that is horrendeous, so sorry she spoke to you like thta, what a nasty cow
im glad you complained about her
you may have stopped her speaking to another parent thats lost a child the same way
i found it, and still find it horrendous after losing my son, but i cannot comprehend how awful it must be to be question by the police, and as for refering to your child as the body that really is somehthing else

thinking of you

I think the problem is with the internet that any old life sheltered moron can happily post away from the comfort of their own cell

I agree with valiumredhead fwiw. I think people needto grow up a bit more if they don't understand or can't grasp the why and why it's inappropriate to be so judgemental about it. Then again people crossed the road to avoid my mother after she had buried her daughter, my sister, so nothing suprises me unfortunately. people are petrified the same thing will happen to them so to cope with that they avoid discussion and pass judegment to deal with it