To find Kim Marsh's wedding pictures in incredible bad taste

[Whitershadeofpale]

daily mail alert

Selling your wedding pictures may not be to my taste but each to their own but making money out of posing in your wedding dress with your dead son's ashes leaves an incredibly bad taste in my mouth.

I understand if she'd wanted to take the ashes as a private tribute but exploiting it for financial gain I find frankly disgusting.

chocolate, i cannot take credit for the poem, i did not write it.
but i think it expresses a snipit of the pain we feel.
thanks for the kindness, there are alot of good people like yourself that go out of there was to understand and its heartwarming to read esp amounst a bunch of spiteful ignorant people

it's quite an uplifting aibu
ghastly topic
but proof people can and do deal with adversity,minute by minute,day by day

Luckily, SM, we live in a place where we are amazingly supportive. Many, many of our friends have lost their siblings when they were both young, their first spouses young or in childbirth, their children, even both, many in an era where you were supposed to brush it under the carpet, and they think it's shit.

Believe it or not, we've had MAJOR support from people in their 60s and up who lost and lost and were told to forget about it - one or both parents when they were still in childhood, their husbands and sons lost at sea for work, their angel babies or babies died soon after birth, their children lost to disease in childhood - that they have or could have other children, get married again, etc.

They find it appalling and to hear their stories would break your heart. They come over and offer to help, they bring food and baking and sit with DD and teach her to knit and crochet.

Next Saturday, our village ceilidh dancing begins again. A loved to dance! But so did her sister. So we need to go. But part of what makes it possible for me to take her is knowing that people here don't see loss of loved ones as something time-barred, something to be hidden and brushed under the carpet, they're open and happy to support us - me and 6-year-old girl who lost her only sister.

I fucking hate it when people try and dictate how bereaved parents should behave. What they should do, what they shouldnt do.
What is in bad taste, unhealthy, mawkish, disrespectful, tacky whatever.

So many people seem to think they would be so much better at it. You know, they would do it properly

ffs

adversity really does bring some folks together to support. I'm glad you're getting by, and is also good to hear other folks story too. yes a ceilidh and blether is a great idea

YABU. She wanted to include her son in the wedding. How very dare she?

thymeout can you show me example of bereaved parents who go and steal other people's children?
I mean real ones. Not ones you half remember off the telly.

be fair, thymeout was specifically responding to someone who posted to the effect that the decisions of bereaved parents were not to be criticised under any circumstances, it really was not a general comment on the behaviour of bereaved parents. she did explain that, several times.

I think it's odd that someone would take a comment about not judging bereaved mothers and come back with a comment about them stealing babies.

i understand that Aitch but its still a comment that needs to be challenged.
its doesnt really matter that she doesnt think that ALL bereaved parents nick babies.
The fact she is trotting out that tired old myth is enough to be offensive all on its own.

If she was talking about a recent case it would be annoying but just about defendable.
But when that whole EE thing was going on, I could find any cases of bereaved parents stealing babies.
Yet it is spoken about as if it is a fairly regular occourance.

It is insulting.

it was challenged, repeatedly. and she explained herself. she was dealing with someone talking nonsense to the effect that none should ever, ever question the motives of a bereaved person, and she answered in a similarly heated and nonsensical manner. it was specific to that one poster, and it's just unfair to treat it otherwise (while i understand that taking posts out of context is bread and butter on here).

iirc the EE producer who came on for a webchat said he was able to come up with occasions where this snatching thing had happened, and that's why they proceeded with the storyline. however he didn't feel that the plot reflected 'real life' any more than any of us on this thread do.

I'm mid 40's. Even a hell of a lot of people of my age were brought up, like their parents, to think this sort of thing is better not talked about. My own friend only found out he had a stillborn older sister in his 30's. That's just what they think is best. Maybe that's why some people don't mention it to bereaved parents, not because they don't care. So if you are that parent, please don't think everyone doesn't care, it was just such a large taboo.

fwiw i think selling your wedding to OK is in bad taste - full stop.

i dont think taking her sons ashes to the wedding is in poor taste but:
the photos are in shit taste though. as is the whole selling your wedding to OK thing....

My great uncle died a few months ago aged 100. One of his children had died as a baby. He told my mum before he died that his only regret was the way the hospital/church dealt with babies who had died in those days. I think he was brought straight to the graveyard with no ceremony in the church etc. it was clear that losing one of his children was still incredibly upsetting 70 yrs later.

I agree with MrsDeVere, and of course, a producer is after his ratings or he gets the sack.

I don't think we need to be fair to ignorance, no matter its milieu. I think it should be challenged, always.

But then again, of course, we can be branded as well. Our children were not babies when they died.

That is what most people just don't get, about losing a child. From infancy to adulthood, they are your children. There's no qualification for the pain, it's beyond words.

When I see a photo like this, or read an interview of Mary Berry's, they are myself. A mother who has lost a child.

And I can't bring myself to give a gram of fuck for causing others discomfort for remembering that child. Others may be able to sweep it under the carpet, but in my case I think that would be doing a great disservice to her sibling who is old enough to remember her, and sending her a very poor message about what will happen to all of us.

I don't know what Kym Marsh, mother to a child born asleep, felt, but she consented to the photos, and you know, if I could sell our own story to raise awareness to others, I'd happily do it and donate every fucking penny to AML research and if people called me mawkish I wouldn't give a fat's rat's arse, I've seen the absolute worst, my dead child being lowered into the ground.

Because, since she died, just two months, two other girls have joined her.

what was ignorant, expat? saying that the action of bereaved parents can never be questioned or providing examples, some more common than others, of questionable actions by bereaved parents? she simply did not say that bereaved parents were habitual kidnappers of children.

i'm specifically referring to thymeout's post, here. nothing else. before anyone starts reading anything more than i am saying.

No, Aitch, she wrote: 'I was not generalising or OF COURSE saying that all or even most bereaved mothers behave in that way. That would be offensive and ridiculous.

I thought we were having a serious debate.'

And then, being in a serious debate, gave no stats or cases to back that up.

How many cases of mothers of stillborn babies did she site who went on to snatch babies or lock themselves in cupboards with reborn dolls, since she stated she was involved in actual debate?

And from as objective a point of view as I can, and admittedly it isn't much considering I am the mother of a dead child, my child was not born still, as Kym's was.

Still, if you're going to say, 'I'm in a debate', fair enough, where is your evidence, of mothers of stillborn children snatching other live born children or purchasing reborn dolls and locking themselves away with them, because it's a moot point for me, my child was nominally 9-year-old when she died.

aitch I met that producer and he couldnt come up with a single case.
And if he could have do you not think, with weeks of preparation, he would have been able to produce one on the web chat?

I wasn't taking anything out of context. You vantage take that comment out of contact. It is what it is. When it is spoken or written it once again adds to the mythology. Deranged bereaved mothers are dangerous. Because everyone knows someothimg about something they saw somewhere about this woman who stole a baby.
Yeah they saw it on EE or repeated on a forum. And so it goes on.

I am a childminder and I was petrified of returning to work after loosing my daughter. The reason being I was frightened of what people would think, terrified that the parents thought I would "steal" their children, at the time I knew they were irrational fears. Now, after reading this it makes me sick and fume with anger that there are some small minded people who think this way! For what it's worth I didn't/don't want anyone's baby/child, I want my own daughter.

I am actually pleased to see that most people on here support kym in what she has done but still saddened by the other comments .

Contrary to what seems to be a popular belief we don't actually go around saying and doing things without a thought for what anyone else thinks . I for one go out of my way to not upset anyone or bring up my sons death because I know people generally don't know what to say or feel uncomfortable . How fucked up is that ?

There are many people that have got to know me since my son died and they have no idea . I hate that they don't know but it is just such a conversation stopper that I find it easier to not say . And I feel awful guilt about that every day .

That is why when I saw the photo I thought good on you for not hiding him away . I wish I was as brave .

thymeout said 'We can be compassionate about women who have lost children without saying they can do no wrong. What about those who go on to take other people's babies' - which clearly implies to me that she considered abduction to be a common result of the death of a child. To say that wasn't a generalisation is disingenuous. It was an absurd comment too because nobody has said bereaved parents are infallible. Just that how they grieve is their business and they may do so in whatever way comes closest to giving them heartsease. Bereaved parents are not 'mad, bad and dangerous to know' to borrow a phrase. But a number have spoken on this thread about how difficult it is to talk about their children. Yesterday I saw a thread from a woman who has been told by her friends that 3 years grieving for her stillborn son is enough. What the hell is wrong with us as a society? Why does death and in particular the death of a child paralyse our tongues and harden our hearts. We tell ourselves it's best not to mention the dead child because we don't want to upset the parents - how arrogant. As if we could upset them by mentioning the child when what is surely 5000 times worse is that nobody mentions them. It's utterly screwed up. And every time we see something like this story and people say 'oooooh no that should be ^private' we contribute to that overwhelmingly silence and to erasing of those children.

I haven't read the whole thread but saw the pics , my thoughts fwtaw are that she has lost her baby so she can do whatever she likes to get herself through each day. If that means having her baby's ashes included in her wedding pics then so be it. Thank God I have never had to go through what she has.