To think being on maternity leave doesn't make me a SAHM

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

I'm currently on ML and due to go back to work fairly soon.

However, for the past 8 months both DP and DM have referred to me as a SAHM for the purposes of housework etc.

AIBU to think I'm not a SAHM (although I would dearly love to be) but a WOHM who is still employed, being paid by my employer and enjoying a government sanctioned period of time at home bonding with my baby?

I'd say for the purposes of house work you're half way in between! you probably should be doing more so that DH has time to work and spend time with his child and you have baby's nap times to do housework. For the first four or so months you don't get much sleep though. Having a tiny baby is very different to having a 10 month old.

YANBU, you're on maternity leave, not a SAHM. It's different. But if it's just DP and DM using the term in conversation, surely it doesn't matter that much; you're a mum at home either way.

I think it doesn't really matter what you are called but why you are bothered about the term. Is everything ok?

You are a mother who currently stays at home and does not go to another place of work. I don't see why its unreasonable to call you a sahm temporarily.

What difference does it make anyway?

Everything's fine, I do the majority of the housework without complaint.

I suppose I'm just resentful that I do have to go back to work and that I can't be a SAHM!

why the hell does it matter....why do you need a label??

Of all the things to concern yourself with...Jeez.

there are babies that don't nap? Never met one.

Proud didn't your mother ever teach you about what to do if a situation arises where you have nothing nice to say?

Yes but my mother would also have advised me not to sweat the small stuff

whatyoulookingat my 7 month old baby will only nap being held and wakes up the minute whoever is holding her moves to put her in the cot. So nap times are not for housework in this house they are for scoffing biscuits and watching tv

I think you're right, there's a difference! Your 'job' whilst on mat leave is caring for and bonding with your baby, not housework. Too many people get this wrong and later regret not spending more time playing with the baby (and less time doing the ironing). Get a cleaner!

I'm just about to go off on ML and have spent the afternoon baking cakes - and have just been asked if that's prep for me being a SAHM! Which struck me as a bit odd as I will have a new baby and a two year old to look after: do SAHMs of that combination really get chance to bake cakes?! I must be doing it wrong already if so: clearly not cut out for the role.

As far as I'm concerned I'm a working mum who happens to be having a few months on secondment in a temporary placement which is considerably more demanding than her usual job. Fortunately for me, DP has built up a leave entitlement which will probably see us going back to work at around the same time - I suspect no-one will be suggesting he's a SAHD in that period.

so if you're not on ML your job is the housework?

Whoever is there all day does more housework, I would have thought. Doesn't matter who or why, its just obvious.

And yes, you can bake cakes if you want. Why wouldn't you be able to?

whatyoulookingat - if that's in reply to me: I would love to bake cakes, but even with one toddler I don't have time. I therefore can't see cake baking getting significantly more likely with a new baby to look after too.

My baby naps a bit, but my 3 yo doesn't and he is petrified of Hoovers.

you don't have time because thats the way you set up you day. If you particularly want to bake cakes (and there is nothing to say you should, at all) you can change things slightly so you can.
People make time for the things they want to do.

Yes - I could change things round now if I really felt the urge to bake. But I seem to recall not having time to fart when DD1 was born so am not anticipating any attempt to plan my day being either likely or succesful when DD2 arrives.

I am now off to don pinny and attempt to ice said cakes which is likely to be where the real trauma starts...

*whatyouarelookingat - I couldn't bake cakes with my 2 year old, funnily enough she expects my attention when I'm home. Also she would only nap as a baby when she was in motion. Stop projecting your experiences onto others.

OP - FWIW it's worth I agree - you're not a SAHM. Although why your DP and DM are referring to you as anything than your name I don't know! :-)

Does it really matter?

You can make cakes with dcs.They dont have to be perfect.Its what they would do at nursery/childminder

As you go back to work soon, the issue will vanish quickly as you redefine yourself. Ignore it until then.

I dont think you are a SAHM unless you choose to be one. eg I wouldnt consider an unemployed Mum looking for work as a SAHM.

BeeBee You are right but I'm just sick of the endless tirade of posters on MN saying things like 'But why can't you build your model ship/do some work from home/changes your sheets 6 times a day with 4 toddlers' - just let them potter.... I really want to meet all these happy pottering toddlers.