To think being on maternity leave doesn't make me a SAHM

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

I'm currently on ML and due to go back to work fairly soon.

However, for the past 8 months both DP and DM have referred to me as a SAHM for the purposes of housework etc.

AIBU to think I'm not a SAHM (although I would dearly love to be) but a WOHM who is still employed, being paid by my employer and enjoying a government sanctioned period of time at home bonding with my baby?

I pay 139 a week for 4 mornings breakfast club for one child and 30 hours nursery care for a baby.

Oh and that includes 4 full days care with meals in all school holidays

If I were to put dd in nursery full time then it wouldn't hit £900 before vouchers were even taken into account. And not only am I south, but in London. Not everywhere offers vouchers either.

I wasn't a low earner before redundancy by any stretch, but if I'd gone back full time, paid nursery at £50pd with vouchers, necessary outgoings for work like and, in my case, student loans payments - I'd have just about been left with the same amount I contributed to the house before. Oddly i would have been better off working part time. But if it weren't for redundancy I'd have had to have done this.

Which isn't a complaint btw. But like pombear I'd have loved to have been a sahm. I now get that chance whereas I wasn't going to otherwise.

YANBU.

I've been on maternity leave up until today - DS's 9 month birthday as of today, I'm a bonbon eating SAHM.

I now feel I need to sort of justify my existence a bit by making sure majority of housework is done, as much as I can anyway. For me it's about feeling worthwhile - DS has been reasonably hard work (as babies tend to be!) for the first nine months of his life, but now I can get stuff done too. I also want to hurry up and try for a second to justify my few years out of the workplace!

Actually Really, I am on NOWHERE near what you just described.

I earn £800/month after tax. So £200 a week.

Chidlcare, for three full days at a childminder, is £80 a week.

Travel costs are roughly £5 per day for diesel/parking. So roughly £60 per month or £15/week.

So I actually get about £95/100 a week from my pay cheque. Do you still think I earn a high wage?

I think OP knows her own finances

I also think a lot of people are projecting their own experiences on to the OP. Like it or not, 'SAHM' conjures up lots of images which people feel the need to defend themselves against.

I just joke that it's all bonbons and G and Ts. Comments from MiL and DM do annoy me (esp ones about ironing FFS) but try not to let it get to you. It is about more than semantics though.

Hoop I think for me the difference is, if anyone on here was asked by someone, for whatever reason 'what do you do for a living' whilst they were on ML, they would not respond with 'I'm a SAHM'.

They would say they were on ML, surely?

I've just realised I've spent 45 mins lazing on the sofa MNing during DS's nap

I have a few tasks - clean litter tray sort lunch, take out rubbish. No disinfecting of cupboards here though they probably need it

And before I get flamed, that does not mean that a SAHM is a negative thing. It's lovely that someone, male or female, gets to spend the baby/preschool days with their child.

I agree with you 100%.

But do think about why it bothers you too. It's probably a status thing, which is fine. I had a bit of an existential crisis when I realised that's it now, I'm properly a SAHM.

Maternity leave exists because it's hard work having a very small baby. The mother needs rest and the baby needs lots of contact with the mother.

So, for the purpose of housework I don't think you are a full on SAHM.
Unless your baby sleeps through the night, doesn't ask to be picked up and feeds very fast at long regular intervals.

He should be close to a full time job.

And SAHMs still need help with housework.