To think being on maternity leave doesn't make me a SAHM

[DesperatelySeekingPomBears]

I'm currently on ML and due to go back to work fairly soon.

However, for the past 8 months both DP and DM have referred to me as a SAHM for the purposes of housework etc.

AIBU to think I'm not a SAHM (although I would dearly love to be) but a WOHM who is still employed, being paid by my employer and enjoying a government sanctioned period of time at home bonding with my baby?

You are a temporary SAHM, surely?

Who is saying you have to disinfect the cupboards every day, and not spend time with your child?

I don't understand how you can do the washing in a couple of minutes. Search the house for it, collect it up, sort it into loads, spot treat stains, put on wash, u load and hang up, take down and fold, sort into piles and hang up in wardrobes /put away in drawers. Really? All in 2mins?i must be doing it wrong

And if it's such an easy fun 2min task,why don't more men do it????? Are they scared of machines?bemused by the technology ? Confused by care labels? Worried about handling chemicals?

And don't even get me started on ironing ....

Katie - it does take 2 minutes.Why on earth would you have to go around and collect it? It should all be in same place.

I uses to get a bag on if anyone called me a SAHM or worse, a housewife when I was off with dd. now I'm a lp no one will call me a housewife

Someone's mil called us 'quite nice for SAHMs' until my friend listed our occupations as a SW, an senior emergent nurse and a doctor of geology (I may have outed myself big time now ). Disclaimer; the mil was being rude about SAHMs, not I.

I would have thought that someone on maternity leave was temporarily a SAHM. I'm not sure what else you'd call it.

But a SAHM isn't necessarily the same thing as a housewife, and as such I'd agree that your focus should be on your DC with any housework you feel like doing fitted in around your DC's needs. That's what I did on maternity leave anyway. Made looking after DS top priority, did housework when he was having a nap, and told DH I needed him to help with whatever I didn't have time for during the day. Otherwise it just didn't get done.

I can't imagine a situation where i'd call a woman in full-time employment on maternity leave a SAHM.. why wouldn't you just say she's on maternity leave?

I think there's a big difference between choosing to be a SAHM and statutory maternity leave... in terms of the decision making process behind it, in terms of the finances of the family and what it means for the family in general.

I used the nap times to have nap myself.

Right, so your problem is being called a SAHM because somehow that denotes being more concerned about housework than being with children, and you're far above that.
Got you now, OP.

I think there's a big difference between choosing to be a SAHM and statutory maternity leave

well to me i discussed how long to be off on Maternity leave with DH. The Law states Compulsory Maternity Leave is 2 weeks (or four weeks if you work in a factory)
so anything above this is choice ( and thats a diffrent debate all together)

HERE

hmmm so would you really say 'i had my dd then spent a couple of months as a stay at home mum before returning to my job'

You're not a SAHM are you, because you are still contracted to work, you are still on the payroll. You are on leave, which is why its called maternity leave . That time is to spend with your baby and build a relationship before you go back to work , and spend less time with them . This can now be split with the father, to make things equal .

If you were a SAHP then I would expect housework to be more of your role.

If people asked if i was working when i clearly had a baby with me i would tell them to mind there own business.

i am not a sahm or a wohm. I am a mum and i don't stay at home all the time and i don't work all the time.

If you were a SAHP then I would expect housework to be more of your role

why is that.

Fiona Milllar did some research into this. She said maternity leave shifted forever how couples split housework. So even if it was split equally before children, if a woman on maternity leave took on extra household tasks, she continued to do the lion's share of the housework even after she went back to work. So OP, it would make sense for you to not do all the housework, to avoid setting a pattern for when you go back

It makes better sense to shift back when you go back to work.

Some of you seem to be very confused between what you do and what you are called. SAHM does not equal housewife. Maternity leave does not confer some special status, you are in the same position as someone who isn't going back to work.
Also some comments have been quite offensive to sahms.

Sorry what but you appear to have completely misunderstood me.

I in no way said that SAHMs spend more time on their home and less time on their kids. What I said was that surely ML is meant to be me JUST focusing on DS with whatever housework I can be arsed to do slotted in around it.

If we made the decision for me to cease to contribute financially to the household. it would surely become my 'job' to contribute in other ways, which would, presumably, mean an increase on household chores on my part.

I still don't see the difference.
Woman A: Takes a year maternity leave, goes back to work.
Woman B: Leaves her job to have baby.

You appear to be saying that womans A can focus on her baby and not do housework unless she feels like it, while woman B needs to do the lot. The fact that you bring money in while being on ML means, to you, that you do not need to contribute to housework and have earned the right to spend all your time with the baby, while a woman not bringing in cash has not and must pay her way with the work of the house.

I don't see where I have misunderstood you there.

tbh i would be cross at being called a sahm because i am not i am on ML whilst i am on ML i still have sole 100% responsability for my households income i still go into work on occasion.

a sahm implys a choice to stay at home and have another person support you in exchange for you caring for the dc's and house.

i have no issue at all with any sahp's im just not one would rather like to be but i dont have that choice availible

Women arguing about housework - that's feminism innit!

Why are you arguing? The majority of mothers who don't work have at least two children to look after. Usually the decision to give up work is financial because of childcare costs.

Imagine

Woman A: Takes maternity leave to look after one small baby.
Woman B: Doesn't have a paid job, but has two older children and small baby.

Do you honestly believe that woman B should do more house work than woman A?

No what I'm saying:

Woman A: Takes maternity leave. Spends a year doing what I described, then goes back to work.
Woman B: Leaves work to have a baby. Spends time doing the above and then, when woman A would go back to work, takes on a larger household role. Presumably, this woman wouldn't say to work 'okay, leaving now to have a baby', she would take her SMP and therefore still be contributing financially for, at least, 39 weeks.

I don't feel anyone can really be labeled a SAHM UNTIL they 'go back to work' so to speak. Which is why I don't think someone on ML should be called a SAHM when, in fact, they are not.

Meh, I am on ML (about to end) and couldn't care less what people call me.

Sorry DesperatelySeekingPomBears I still don't get you. Woman B is looking after active toddler (and maybe other children). Woman A has gone back to work and has put toddler in full time nursery.

Surely the greater role is doing the childcare rather than the housework.

SMP is such a pittance as to be irrelevent. A mother with three children may well not be getting any SMP, but is financially contributing to the household as she is saving a lot of money on childcare. In my town it costs almost £1000 a month to put a child under three in nursery full time and when a child is over three it is around £600 per month. In someways a SAHM has more in common with a self employed person than an unemployed person.

No one likes doing housework. I don't think that anyone should be treated as a skivy. Everyone should do chores.

Actually Really, sometimes SMP isn't that much less than the woman's wage. Which is the case in my household. We're actually going to be slightly worse off when I go back to work once childcare is deducted so yes, at the moment I am financially contributing to our bank balance.

And again, I'm not suggesting woman B becomes a skivvy. Just that, as a SAHM, she will do more housework than her partner. Not all, but more. Surely that's reasonable? I would LOVE to be a SAHM but sadly it's not possible, however, if it were, I would do a larger amount of household chores than DP purely because I'd be at home more and therefore it would make more sense for me to do them.