To hate it when midwives say "good girl" when women are giving birth

[thing1andthing2]

I hear it all the time on OBEM and more recently The Midwives. Women are giving it their all, pushing out their babies, and the midwives say "good girl". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but still, can you imagine a man enduring an invasive procedure and the doctor or nurse reassuring him by saying "good boy, just relax, good boy, you're doing really well"?

I can't.

And if it's not OK to patronise a man this way, how come it's ok to be so patronising to women?

Rant over.

I didn't give a fuck what midwives said to me at the time tbh

YANBU at all! its totally out of order for any HCPs to say "good girl" to anyone but a child

hate when it's said to elderly patients too!

YANBU - I would have been very annoyed. Luckily I had the worlds most amazing midwife who said only comforting, empowering things or STFU while I got on with it, in equal measure and with perfect timing. Good Girl may have warranted verbal abuse!!

My MW also knew when to STFU. A massive help and we are now friends as a result! Good girl might have pushed me over the edge.

YANBU, it is patronising and disempowering and makes me twitch.

Very annoying and inappropriate

but I suppose they are trying to be nurturing in a "mothering the mother" kind of way, which may be reassuring to some young women who haven't got mums etc

It's better than what I got "if you don't start making an effort you are going to kill this baby", "stop shouting you will frighten the baby" etc

I hate it too. I even put it on my birth plan that nobody was to call me a 'good girl'. Both times. They didn't.

Mine said "good for you" over and over again as I had contraction after contraction with nothing to show for it.
I wanted to scream "its not bloody good for me, it's bloody agony!"

I got told I was a naughty girl and a silly girl when I had my DD.

Someone else in the room told her off.

XH said this to me when I was giving birth to DS1.

Patronising bastard!

YANBU, Id hate anyone to say that to me.

Goodness you lot are uptight. I don't care one jot. It akes me feel you g

Makes note to add to birth plan

I put it on my birth plan (not to call me a good girl) but then took it off again as I didn't want to get the midwives backs up unnecessarily!

Never seen a man give birth so your comparison is inept and pointless.

I was more pissed off that the mw's kept saying how wonderful my oh was! Still it was a hb and they had to keep him happy or they wouldn't get so much tea and biccies I suppose

I would not have cared if they had called me Fido when I was giving birth.

It is no doubt meant well but I can see that it would be incredibly annoying.
Especially if you are older than said midwife.

I doubt men are told good boy when they are encouraged to do something hard and painful like take first steps after a stroke or what have you.

A simple 'good' or 'great, keep going', or 'well done, you're doing it' would work better with me.

I had it in my birth plan second time. DH was also briefed to take them to one side. I actually ended up with a BBA, but I think I probably would have whacked someone if they had called me a girl at that moment.

Can't remember if MW has ever said that to me. The only listening that went on was during first birth when I had an epidural. Other times I was too busy being in pain to hear.

I do remember DH getting on my wick and almost telling me to STFU.

I work in adult education and it is really hard to know how to address a group of adult women. I go for 'women' such as 'can I have the women over here' but some people think this is rude and use 'ladies'. I don't like 'ladies' but hate, loathe and detest 'girls' although it is what lots of women use to refer to themselves...makes my teeth itch.

Can't remember if MW has ever said that to me. The only listening that went on was during first birth when I had an epidural. Other times I was too busy being in pain to hear.

I do remember DH getting on my wick and almost telling him to STFU.

I work in adult education and it is really hard to know how to address a group of adult women. I go for 'women' such as 'can I have the women over here' but some people think this is rude and use 'ladies'. I don't like 'ladies' but hate, loathe and detest 'girls' although it is what lots of women use to refer to themselves...makes my teeth itch.

Didn't bother me at all. Everyone's different though.

I instructed mine to not call me "Mum" or "Good Girl" as soon as I arrived.

They went and I went "It's part of my birth plan!"

my MW told me i was a very good girl as i was not causing a fuss - i could not cause a fuss or scream as i was in too much pain

it amused me as i was 35 :)

she came across as caring not patronising tbh she coudl have called me anything i would not have cared

I agree wizard with your point about addressing women, but I don't know why "women" or "woman" has negative overtones. Like, when I'm talking about a stranger to my 2 year old dd I usually say "that lady" instead of "that woman" as it seems more polite.
But of course you can't say "good woman" to encourage someone. So I suppose that's not really relevant to the point.