To hate it when midwives say "good girl" when women are giving birth

[thing1andthing2]

I hear it all the time on OBEM and more recently The Midwives. Women are giving it their all, pushing out their babies, and the midwives say "good girl". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but still, can you imagine a man enduring an invasive procedure and the doctor or nurse reassuring him by saying "good boy, just relax, good boy, you're doing really well"?

I can't.

And if it's not OK to patronise a man this way, how come it's ok to be so patronising to women?

Rant over.

everlong honestly, I couldn't have cared what she said, she was so kind, and still 11 years on I think of her and get a bit teary :)

In order to avoid calling me "Good girl" and patronising me, my Mum has said
"Good thing" for years now when I do something well.

I'd rather be called girl than thing!

Oh I don't know...I'm not a girl am I? I look quite thing-like at times though!

Depends wether you see girls as silly I suppose, I don't so don't mind being called one... just musing.

It's not about seeing girls as silly.

It's that I am a grown woman, not a girl!

No one would think of saying good boy to DS if he was in pain!

It's patronising, even if not meant to be.

I get that Valium

Someone showing empathy and kindness when you need it most. It's lovely

Yes Everlong. I delivered 2 babies that way. They both said 'hello x' with a smile then sat themselves close but where I couldn't see them.

But I think women do refer to each as girls.

I don't send a mass text to my friends saying ' shall we have a women's night out ' that would be weird.

But men Say boys night too.

I didn't have a midwife (forrin birth) and while I am quite sure that most are not trying to be patronising with their encouragement, if anyone uses "good girl" with me I inwardly think "woof" as for me it's a way to talk to dogs. I do appreciate the use with young children, but in my mind it's a dog thing

It's a term of endearment imo not patronising.

Boys night, girls night it's all cool

But why is a term of endearment appropriate?

I would never use it with my clients.

It ceartainly is old gel

Sorry that was in reply to everlong

Because the midwife/ mum to be relationship is completely different.

My very tired and slightly delirous husband said 'Good boy' to me while I was pushing out my daughter.

I would have laughed if I hadn't been in abject fucking agony.

I go on girls' nights out with my friends, I don't find that patronising as it's a term we chose to call ourselves, and DP also has boys nights. It's not meant to be taken seriously.

A midwife saying "good girl" is a totally different context. She's there in a professional capacity, and I reckon most who use it would never dream of saying "good boy" to a grown man who was in pain! And that's the main point.

It also sounds like she's addressing a dog FFS!

That is funny Proudnscary

Why is it Valium. I can't say I agree.

The relationship between a woman and her midwife is unique.

You are vulnerable like it or not. They are involved in something very private and special.

I think that's why good girl is appropriate to me

Yep, I agree everlong

My midwife was a cow. Nothing special about that relationship. (Must get round to making a formal complaint about her, actually).

"Good girl" would certainly not have been appropriate!

I have also noticed people using "boy" to refer to grown men, moreso when they are black, esp commentators with sportsmen.

I did find "good girl" a bit annoying in labour but not enough to be bothered about it. With other uses of "girl" I guess it depends who is saying it and the context.