To hate it when midwives say "good girl" when women are giving birth

[thing1andthing2]

I hear it all the time on OBEM and more recently The Midwives. Women are giving it their all, pushing out their babies, and the midwives say "good girl". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but still, can you imagine a man enduring an invasive procedure and the doctor or nurse reassuring him by saying "good boy, just relax, good boy, you're doing really well"?

I can't.

And if it's not OK to patronise a man this way, how come it's ok to be so patronising to women?

Rant over.

You are vulnerable but you are not a dependent. If it is not appropriate for a woman to say 'good girl' to the mw after she has taken her blood pressure, it is not appropriate for a mw to say it to a labouring woman.

But it is more complicated than that. The word 'good' makes a value judgement. Is she 'good' for not shouting though she wants to? Good for refusing/accepting an epidural? Good for refusing/accepting/requesting a physiological 3rd stage?

A labouring woman is never GOOD. She is what she is.

My midwife said good to me after a lots of painful contractions, I was tired and in agony. I have no doubt whatsoever that she said it to encourage me.

And she did.

My MW didnt talk to me much, in fact she was out the room until i was pushing then sat and watched quietly, chatting to dh at times second baby was BBA.

I go into my zone and ignore everything else after transition, helps with the pain, no talking and def no touching.

The HCA was lovely, offered to burn some kind of incense as pain relief . It didnt make a blind bit of difference to the pain, but room smelt nice!

I am irritated by all those actors always screaming as they are supposed to be in labour, even after the baby has been 'born'! What message do they give to ladies pregnant for the first time? Using the same baby each time as well.

Student midwives are taught in uni never to say this

Blimey,.this is a zombie thread and a half 😁
Had forgotten all about this username (Big Cook Little Cook flashback nostalgia and said 5 year old in my comment now strapping old teenager! 😁)

The only comment I remember the midwife making was that baby didn’t look to have a lot of hair. It’s not that deep 🤷🏼‍♀️

It is patronising I agree. Although 30 years ago I was 17 years old in late stages of labour and the horrible midwife kept shouting at me, "Why are you making all that noise you stupid girl! Be quiet now!" Then I desperately needed to sit up, when I tried she pushed me back down and said, you're not going anywhere, lay on your back and stay there! 😞