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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family member trying to 'get off' drink driving charge.

305 replies

jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 12:03

Namechanged.

My BIL was arrested and charged with drink driving last week. He was 3 times over the limit. There has been much whispering amongst the family since, hearing dribs and drabs about what happened etc but last night everyone got together for a meal at PIL's house. The atmosphere was tense to say the least.
Halfway through the night my FIL (BIL's dad) brought up the subject of the drink driving charge and said he'd like to speak to us all about it as he had something to ask us all.
It turns out BIL has been seeing a lawyer who claims he can 'get him off' with the charge. FIL was asking if we could all chip in financially to pay for this lawyer. It would be about £500 per couple (there are 5 couples in the family).
The reason being, BIL will automatically lose his job if he loses his license. My SIL doesn't work and they have 4dc.
I am very, very angry with BIL, and frankly disgusted at this suggestion about this lawyer. It has caused some tension between me and DH (BIL's brother). This is not about the money, it's about the principle. AIBU in thinking BIL should be punished for what he's done? I'm really agonising over this as I don't want SIL and dcs to suffer.

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 09/09/2012 15:02

Nobody made him drink drive. He should have thought about the consequences of his actions - what is stop him from doing it again IF the lawyer is successful. BIL wants the lawyer, he pays.

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 15:02

Josh Her relationship is going to suffer anyway, it sounds like it already has as her husband is clearly showing a side she doesn't like.

As for him saying wouldn't you do the same for your kids, that's irrelevant. Drink driver's father can do whatever he wants to help his son, it's expecting everyone else to be complicit that I find questionable. Take it they consider themselves to be the local mafia, OP.

Is anybody really surprised that a family like this have no scruples about whatever type of solicitor they use?

Numberlock · 09/09/2012 15:05

OP - have I missed what the other couples have said to this financial arrangement? If they all think it's such a great idea they can split your share between them - extra £150 per family. Or PIL pays your share, presumably he's thought of what they would do if one couple declines?

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 15:06

Afaik you won't get legal aid for motoring offences.
Plus have never heard of a loophole type lawyer on this kind of case.
Speeding , yes.
There are ways of arguing he had to drive and going down that route (in fear of life etc)

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 15:08

Loophole lawyers used to query the use of the PNC as hearsay years ago. Ask for the paperwork allowing hearsay evidence to be used. The police /CPs never did and that got the motorist off.
That was years ago though. Am sure have tightened up.

MardyArsedMidlander · 09/09/2012 15:16

Frankly, I would rather hand over £500 to a drunk on the street- at least they're honest about it.

If your BiL or anyone doesn't want to be done for drink driving- then there's a simple answer; don't drink and drive. We are not talking about a miscarriage of justice here- the silly twat has admitted it to his loving family, who are now rallying round like fools.

And people who are going on about 'family unity'- I would be fucking ASHAMED to even approach my family about this. And to be told to 'behave yourself' by your husband? Too much Soprano watching by him I think Angry

TheBigJessie · 09/09/2012 15:19

Stall for time while you decide. Ask your husband if there is actually any evidence the arresting officers actually did err in procedure.

Police officers are human beings, so mistakes happen, but they're still professionals. Police Constable Smith deals with the aftermath when an alcoholic ploughs into someone, six months after getting off a charge on a technicality. He or she has to talk to the victim's families.

There's a big incentive there to get it all right at the arrest. (And probably performance reviews each year which include a Did You Bugger Up Any Cases For The Court? Data column.)

They're professionals. Leaving aside the whole moral issue, I would not bet £500 on technicalities being present, unless I knew it was a "sure cert".

ChasedByBees · 09/09/2012 15:20

I would be so, so angry if my DH handed over family money for this. Several people have made the good point that if he gets off and goes on to kill someone, this is what you've financially supported. Can you or have you asked your DH this?

ilovesooty · 09/09/2012 15:29

It sounds as though the money's going to be handed over as your husband's made his position clear. I'm not surprised you're deeply upset by his attitude. And I'd never want to speak to your BIL or FIL again.

TheBigJessie · 09/09/2012 15:43

One thing more: "what if it was your child/brother here?"

I'll give my answer, as someone with alcoholics in the family. I wouldn't fund this. I've helped cover up after alcoholics before (though not in this way). It doesn't help them.

If it was my child, I would move heaven and earth to help them. But this- this would not be helping! I've learnt from my mistakes. I hope your husband doesn't make the ones I've done. Don't get drawn into an addict's view on things. Ever. Never share in their self-justifications.

AThingInYourLife · 09/09/2012 15:45

I wouldn't want to speak to your husband again.

He's as bad as his scumbag family.

jkklpu · 09/09/2012 15:50

What a hideous situation. I'm with those suggesting that you keep your money to give to sil post-court hearing. However, if you reckon your dh will stump up the money anyway, you might need to work out what you and he can agree on in the future, eg that your kids will never be driven anywhere by this man, that you don't want him in your house, that you don't want to be put in a position that will make you feel even more uncomfortable, such as being made into the big bad wolf if you don't want to participate in future all-family events.

If you're focussing on your relationship with your dh, you need to decide how you're going to get him to agree to some kind of boundaries from now on. If he says he can't respect any such agreement, then that could have further implications for your relationship. So sorry you're in this position.

Cheddars · 09/09/2012 15:52

That's helpful advice athing Hmm

ilovesooty · 09/09/2012 15:56

I think jkklpu has it spot on. It's a horrible situation to be in but if the money's going to be paid, you and your husband have some serious negotiations to make.

squishyotter · 09/09/2012 16:11

I would NOT be happy to pay. 3 times over the limit is a LOT. What if he had lost control of his car? Say you did pay, and somehow the BIL had charges dropped, then your dear BIL knows he can stick two fingers to the law and go out drinking and driving again knowing his family will pay for a lawyer if he gets caught again. And what if next time he does lose control of the car?

The BIL knew about his family and kids before making the choice to drive his car after drinking. It's the BIL's fault he is in this mess and it strikes me that the father in law is being manipulative in asking you to cough up any money for a lawyer.
BIL should accept his punishment and LEARN from it, find new ways to support his family if he loses his job as a consequence of his actions.

Gay40 · 09/09/2012 16:18

If the irresponsible twat had mown down your children while 3 times over the legal limit....would your DH be quite so sympathetic?
I'm quite a tolerant and liberal person but this would be a relationship dealbreaker for me.

Gay40 · 09/09/2012 16:19

Plus, anyone who seriously told me to behave myself in that context would be shuffling towards singledom

BonnyDay · 09/09/2012 16:21

the op has already says she does not condone drink driving so easy on the moralising guys

ilovesooty · 09/09/2012 16:29

Exactly. The OP's moral stance and awareness are not in doubt. I think her main problem is with the people involved, especially her husband.

McHappyPants2012 · 09/09/2012 16:30

I wouldn't as he will not get off

There is no way of him getting off this charge, when someone is suspected of drink driving they use a new cardboard tube every time to blow into the machine at the road side, then again using a new cardboard tube and another machine at the station.

I really can't see how you can get out of it. Also by pleading not guilty he will be seen as having no remorse or admitting what he done is wrong and the judge will throw the book at him.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 09/09/2012 16:31

Nick Freeman doesn't get all his clients off. He also refused to represent his own daughter, he felt she should take her punishment so she would not re-offend. Sadly jeez it sounds like your DH is going to pay regardless of your views. So I think its now time for you to think seriously about what yourgoing to do next.

McHappyPants2012 · 09/09/2012 16:35

The maximum fine is £5000 on top of the £2500 loan for the solicitor is alot to pay back when he looses the case, on top of that he is facing up to 6 months in prison.

Original poster
jeezlouize · 09/09/2012 16:39

Wow, thank you for all the support. Just back from coffee with SIL who is in the same boat as me really. Was good to hear some sense! DH is out, will sit down with him later armed with views of SIL to argue my case.

OP posts:
DayShiftDoris · 09/09/2012 16:46

What about you say to your DH:

'I will agree to contributing £500... To the family to support them after the court case but I will not support him in trying to 'get off'.. It's not the money but what it will be used for and if the true intention is to support SIL & 4DC then it is them that should benefit from the money'

ilovesooty · 09/09/2012 16:47

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

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