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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DSD should come on holiday with us

120 replies

DoMeDon · 09/09/2012 11:53

AIBU to think DSD would be better off coming on weekend away with me, DH and DD than staying at home for potential birth of baby?

DM is due on day we are meant to go on holiday. She isn't sure if she is happy for DSD to come and she's not sure where she will be Confused It is a Friday and I thought she would be in school.

Genuinely not sure why DM would like DSD not to come? What do you fellow MNers think? Personally I thought: if she is early (as she was with DSD) then she might like the break and having new baby time for a few days; if she was due date DSD would be 'out the way' so she wouldn't have to make arrangements; or if she was later she would get a rest before giving birth. I can only see it all as win-win (putting I, but in fact is we, as DH and I feel same way about this).

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/09/2012 11:54

Perhaps she'd like her daughter there for the arrival of the new baby. Which doesn't seem remotely unreasonable to me.

rainbowinthesky · 09/09/2012 11:55

I expect she doesn't want her dd to feel sent away for the birth. I would feel the same tbh.

ScarletLady02 · 09/09/2012 11:58

If I were to have a second, I'd want my DD to be there...if only to stop any potential jealousy problems...also because I'd be emotional and want her around. It's up to her really. How old is DSD? Old enough to be allowed to decide of herself?

Original poster
DoMeDon · 09/09/2012 11:58

That's interesting, thanks. I think I would feel the opposite, happy to have that one area sorted out - as in she's with her DF so all OK. Probably why I didn't see it that way.

OP posts:
Twiggy71 · 09/09/2012 11:58

If it was me I would want my dd there for the birth of a new sibling. Its important they are included and that they feel part of the immediate family.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 09/09/2012 11:59

Maybe she Wants her DD there when she has the baby....doesn't want her to feel pushed ut and wants to enjoy her first few days ith her daughter around

I find it incredibly strange that you can't see why she wouldn't want her to come

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/09/2012 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 09/09/2012 11:59

What plan does she have in place for when she goes into labour? Im sure she has one?

I agree with rainbowinthesky.

Sassybeast · 09/09/2012 11:59

Is this for real ? This is her baby brother or sister. that trumps holidays any time......

Original poster
DoMeDon · 09/09/2012 12:00

She is 8. I know she would rather come with us, she would be excited to see the baby on return but really values her time with her sister. Sadly we only see her once a month, due to distance, and it would mean missing out a visit.

OP posts:
NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown · 09/09/2012 12:01

You're putting the way you would feel about the situation onto your DSD's mum and she quite possibly feels completely differently about the situation than you think you would in her position.

I am expecting DC2 and thankfully still with DH but if I wasn't then having my child whisked away at a very vulnerable and nerve-wracking moment (anyway) would be the absolute worst thing to happen. Have you considered that she may want her daughter to be present or nearby in order to meet her new sibling? That your DSD'S might want that too?

I'm sorry but I think YABU, this isn't about what you or DH want at all

AmberLeaf · 09/09/2012 12:02

How do you know she'd rather come with you?

OrangeLily · 09/09/2012 12:03

I know a boy who was away on holiday with his DF and DSM when his DM gave birth to his new baby brother. He was devestated he'd missed the birth of his brother and first few days of his life. Said it was the worst thing that happened ever and he's 11. Made me very sad!

NotaDisneyMum · 09/09/2012 12:03

Sounds like this is a time to be flexible with arrangements, so that your DSD can be involved in the significant event in her life with mum without missing out on time with dad - but if her mum won't be flexible, then it won't hurt your DSD to miss out on one visit - especially if her Dad stays in touch via phone/Skype.

rainbowinthesky · 09/09/2012 12:04

How do you know how she feels? You see her once a month and presumably the rest of the time she is with her mother. I know my 8 year old dd if I were pregnant would very much want to be at home and a part of it all. I wouldn't consider sending her away.

edam · 09/09/2012 12:04

Doesn't matter what you think, the key factor is what your step-dd's Mother thinks.

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/09/2012 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeytea · 09/09/2012 12:05

At 8 I would think she is old enough to be a help to her mum. I think you were a bit unreasonable to book the holiday on her due date, presuming the holiday was booked after she was pregnant?

Sassybeast · 09/09/2012 12:06

So if you have another baby, and your DDs father decides to whisk her away on holiday so that she missed the birth , you'd be okay with that ?

YABcompletelyU.

TheDetective · 09/09/2012 12:06

Yes, YABU. My own DS who is 10 would be very very upset not to be around at the time of his baby brothers birth. I'm due in 8 weeks and he has already asked for no overnight stays with his Dad for the 5 weeks the baby might arrive in. I'm having a homebirth so he will be in the house for the birth as per his choice.

So I cam definitely understand her mother not wanting her to go on holiday, yes! Absolutely!

madbengal · 09/09/2012 12:08

I have to say I would want DD there if i'd had another to bond, and the constant worry I would have that she may feel left out/ replaced (even if she couldnt care less lol)

Could your OH not rearrange for the next wkend orsomething to facilitate

HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 09/09/2012 12:08

I know before the birth of dc 2, 3 and 4 I wanted my younger dc close to me. A new baby sibling is a very special thing. The baby will only be born once, there will be many future weekends away.

ajandjjmum · 09/09/2012 12:09

You can't put her relationship with her sister (your DD) over the relationship with her new sibling. Do you have to go on holiday at that exact time?

Original poster
DoMeDon · 09/09/2012 12:09

No completely not about me or DH, I do get that, and have already said I saw it completely differently which is why I couldn't see the 'bad' side.

I know DSD would rather come away as she has said so. She would be happy to meet the new baby when she gets home. She has been very excited about this holiday.

OP posts:
HeadfirstOverTheHighJump · 09/09/2012 12:09

So imo YABU, I'm with dsd's mum.