....to challenge people with bad manners?

[thefifthheffalump]

Not really bad stuff for the most part. Things like people not taking their rubbish in a food court and putting it in the bin, but leaving the crap all over the table so nobody can use it without clearing it themselves. I did this today to a couple of 20ish girls (asked them as they left the next table if they thought it was polite to leave their rubbish behind for someone else to deal with - they didn't say anything but looked a bit shamefaced, turned back and took it to the bin, so they obviously recognised it as the right hing to do, they were just being lazy and inconsiderate). My DH was slightly shocked and commented that lately I seem to have less tolerance for this type of thoughtlessness (I'd had a go a couple of days ago at an absolute twunt thoughtless person who was driving dangerously fast through a cramped car park and I am also prone to speak up to people allowing their kids to be absolute little shits in public).

I don't know if this is age - having hit the big 50 I'm less worried about what other people think of me if I speak up - or if I'm actually getting a bit menopausal or something! I think I'm just feeling less patient with the culture of entitlement and lack of consideration that makes life that bit less pleasant for everyone else, but I'm worried I'm descending into 'when I were a lass...the world was a better place' territory.

Do other people feel like me, or am I really becoming a bit unreasonable? I hasten to add that I'm not violently confrontational or anything, my challenges are always polite!

Yes, we need more people to do this

Littering is a particular pet hate of mine!

I also watch to make sure people pick up after their dogs. I have never seen anyone not do this though so the dog mess message seems to have got through to majority of society round here!

YANBU. I held the door as about ten people filed past. No one said a word until I exploded "IT'S OK, YOU'RE WELCOME!"
I'm turning into Outraged of Tunbridge Wells.

I very rarely say anything but often have imaginary rants at people. Especially people who don't discipline their children and let them annoy others.

I do it and I'm only early mid 30s

I understand, I'm getting to that stage myself. I feel as if the older I get, the less I care what others think of me. It's kind of liberating, being able to say what others are thinking.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing nearly as well as you - most of my rants are still internal!

I have a friend, very "naice" older lady, bit "Tory" and ever so middle class. She is a litterbug.

Whenever I mention that she's dropped something, she gives me a look and says " don't be silly, that's not litter". We're talking sweet wrappers here, not something like an apple core, which I know some people think is ok is biodegradable.

I think it's really bad manners.

Teenagers swearing annoys me too. I have teens so dont feel intimidated and often say ' there's young children about' if they do it. They usually apologise, then I feel bad that their mates are all laughing at them!!

YANBU, but people actually have been stabbed for telling others to pick up litter, so be careful. Some people aren't as nice and reasonable as you and you could well be assaulted

Your point is well made fanjo, and that may be why my DH is a bit perturbed - he's worried I might pick the wrong person to gripe to.

I've tried to work out whether people are really caring less about how their behaviour affects others and if it's because we've all got more self centred/entitled. I don't think I remember people being so much like this when I was younger, but I could be being deluded by advancing age and grumpy old woman-hood!

I'm still astonished by the woman who allowed her DS, approx 5 years old, to run through a shopping centre kicking (hard) people's bags of groceries as they carried them past him.....I didn't actually say anything that time as I was too stunned. But neither did any of the victims (I wasn't one of them).

Littering, oh my days I hate littering and it is getting worse! I am sure of it. I have taken to writing the the local schools to ask them what in school work they are doing to promote non-littering. I tell everyone off for that. Some kids wont even pick it up! Little toads. i had to pretend I was taking a pic on my phone to show the CPO before they picked it up. They were 8!

I don't think you're being unreasonable - although as a mum of autistic children, I do get a bit upset by people who tell me my son needs a "clip round" the ear or that he's an attention-seeker when he's having an autistic meltdown in public! Sometimes what someone else perceives as bad behaviour, might have a justifiable reason.

However rudeness, leaving litter, barging people out of the way, not saying "thank you" if someone's held a door open are real bugbears of mine. (Those and people with no children parking in the parent and child spaces!)

I do the " Thank You' thing when I've held a door or moved out of the way.
Agree with bigsnuggle though. I too have autistic children.
My dd, aged 16 had to be coaxed from under a line of chairs in a waiting room earlier this week. Rocking and crying because too many people had messed her around and been rude over a period of a few days. Not fair for you or anyone else to have a go if you have no idea what's going on.

It's a difficult one, because although I have autistic children - there have been times when I've looked at other people's kids (running about in restaurants, pulling clothes off rails in shops etc) and thought horrid, rude thoughts about lack of parenting... and then felt incredibly guilty about it given my circumstances.

I can remember my mum raging out of the house towards a car parked outside. We lived on a road where we had no front garden so the car was very close to the front room windows. She picked a bag of litter off the ground (no one but my mum had seen them throw it out the window moments before), opened the car door, threw it into the car and shouted 'take your litter home'. The car drove off immediately!

She was very menopausal at the time.

I agree with you for the most part. Wouldnt dream of saying anything to a parent with an 'misbehaving' child though. You don't know the circumstances.

I get irritated by bad manners and I have yet to hit the menopause so god help the lot of you! :)

I was shopping yesterday in Asda (baby event thing) and was looking at potential clothes for DD (19m) with DD - a very pregnant woman all but shoved her out of the way to look at baby sleep suits. WTAF? I gently moved DD saying, 'Come out the way of the rude lady, darling'.

My dh does this - he is a biker and he likes to pull people up on their bad/dangerous driving habits. So for example, if someone is driving too close to him (putting him at risk) he will pull up alongside them at the next set of traffic lights and have a 'little word'. It must be quite intimidating because he rides a big bike and wears full leathers & helmet. I've told him that one of these days he's going to pick on the wrong person and come a cropper. He reckons that if anyone turned nasty they'd have a hard job catching up with him especially in traffic and if anyone reports him to the police he will be happy to explain how their awful driving was putting people at risk who were encased in metal. I think he thinks he is changing the world one bad driver at a time, lol! I think otherwise.

My sister used to do this, but was punched in the face. I don't think she does it any more.

Dawndonna and bigsnugglebunny, I hear you and fully accept it must be hard. But if your young child is ASD and is creating difficulties for others, I'm sure you make some attempt to mitigate that, or even apologise? This mother just looked on with no apparent concern. It was her apparent indifference that startled me rather than the child's behaviour; the acceptance that other people's discomfort didn't seem to matter. Perhaps I'm being too harsh - I appreciate that after years of living on a knife edge about how your child affects others, or is affected by them, it might become hard to care as much about constantly keeping your awareness up. Please help me to understand better?

Mostly it's adult thoughtlessness, not necessarily connected to children, that sets me off. The litter thing gets me too, especially following another car and seeing stuff come sailing out of the windows!

I promise I really don't spend all my time being judgemental or trying to find people to tell off!

YANBU at all.

I feel as frustrated as you do by the apparent 'epidemic' of thoughtlessness and selfishness we seem to have in the world today.

The big things like the global economic meltdown, threat of terrorism, environmental catastrophe all worry me sure, but it's the stupid little things like:

• litter dropping
• bad parking
• stopping at the top of an escalator before deciding which way to go
• putting a small coin operated supermarket trolly into a line of big ones

so no-one returning a big trolly can now use that line

• drivers not indicating
• spitting gum onto pavements
• walking two or three abreast on narrow pavement and refusing to make way

for others coming the other way

• etc, etc, etc.....

that make me SOOOOOO

Hmmm - me hormonal?

Surely not

It might be the menopause, tbh.

As long as you will equally challenge men/lads as you would females, though.

I am sick of the passive aggresivness that i have to get confrontational about, when i use a lift (i don't look disabled) and when my DD with LD's etc doesn't realise that she is being impolite etc.

I am walking round constantly ignoring the disgusting treatment of my mum (84) because people don't realise that you are not as aware/quick as a younger person and are not being deliberately rude.

I did have a set to with a women who tried to challenge my mum, who hadn't heard her, so thought that she was displaying 'bad manners'.

Be as polite as you want, my reply might not be.

Just thought about what has been said about children with ASD - and on reflection I'd be very prepared, if I said anything to a parent in this situation, for them to explain the circumstances to me and I would immediately acknowledge, apologise and accept revised expectations. I'm not sure I'd automatically take the view though that if a parent is ignoring misbehaviour then I mustn't say anything just in case? Surely most bad manners is just that, bad manners?

- stopping at the top of an escalator before deciding which way to go

My mum can do that, oris slow, if you see an elderly person on an escalator, give them space.

Surely most bad manners is just that, bad manners

My DD won't say thanks, if you open a door for her, she has an expressive language problem as well as other problems.

Challenge her and then don't back off and tbh, i do get aggressive.