....to challenge people with bad manners?

[thefifthheffalump]

Not really bad stuff for the most part. Things like people not taking their rubbish in a food court and putting it in the bin, but leaving the crap all over the table so nobody can use it without clearing it themselves. I did this today to a couple of 20ish girls (asked them as they left the next table if they thought it was polite to leave their rubbish behind for someone else to deal with - they didn't say anything but looked a bit shamefaced, turned back and took it to the bin, so they obviously recognised it as the right hing to do, they were just being lazy and inconsiderate). My DH was slightly shocked and commented that lately I seem to have less tolerance for this type of thoughtlessness (I'd had a go a couple of days ago at an absolute twunt thoughtless person who was driving dangerously fast through a cramped car park and I am also prone to speak up to people allowing their kids to be absolute little shits in public).

I don't know if this is age - having hit the big 50 I'm less worried about what other people think of me if I speak up - or if I'm actually getting a bit menopausal or something! I think I'm just feeling less patient with the culture of entitlement and lack of consideration that makes life that bit less pleasant for everyone else, but I'm worried I'm descending into 'when I were a lass...the world was a better place' territory.

Do other people feel like me, or am I really becoming a bit unreasonable? I hasten to add that I'm not violently confrontational or anything, my challenges are always polite!

I would never comment on a tantrumming child but to comment on a child who is affecting you (like the one who was kicking people's bags) is entirely different as they are impacting on you.

I agree with GirlWithALlamaTattoo - why are so many people keen to defend bad manners?

pigflu you were offered something, you declined it. Would it have been difficult so say thank-you? Perhaps you should pay attention to people who comment on your bad manners and try to change them rather than being defensive about it - then it wouldn't happen!

referring to the original post:
yes, you're right.
no, i wouldn't like it if you did it to me.
as long as you can spot the psychopath who will take your head off for it, by all means.
and of course, we should all police each other more, but we don't.

I can't stand busybodying middle-aged women they get right upmy nose

Busybodies are always women of a defined age then?

Dawndonna What part of what wellwisher said was rude or untrue?

wellwisher I notice the threads you're talking about and much of the time I wonder why the person is bringing it up, except to claim that their behaviour is stellar and the behaviour of the alleged miscreant is awful.

Then lots of people pile in, often inventing things to add to the scenario. It results in an almighty smug-fest about Other People's Children and I sometimes feel the need to comment to even up the score a bit.

No idea about other posters, but I don't believe I'm chippy. I just don't believe in starting rows or making people feel bad unnecessarily.

That's my idea of good manners.

Not this OP btw. I also get fed up with litterers in food courts and I'm almost menopausal. I don't blame her for pulling people up. I do sometimes too if it's really affecting me or someone else. But many of the people who start these threads don't have the guts to do that. They just bitch.

Markingthehours Sat 08-Sep-12 15:09:42

I can't stand busybodying middle-aged women they get right upmy nose.

OP if you told me where to park or to clear away food in a cafe I think I'd tell you to fuck off and mind your own.

Well yes, prove their point why dont you?

If somebody jumps the queue, or stands on the wrong side of the escalator, you say "excuse me but I think I was in front" or "excuse me can I get past". If a complete stranger doesn't say thank you, you assume they are having a bad day and move along. If your children don't say please and thank you they should be corrected.

If somebody bumps in to you the correct British thing to say is sorry! (Or they should revoke your passport and send you to France).

In pigflu's case, I think the check out girl was wrong. However, as somebody who has been known to mutter "now look both ways - can you see any cars?" as she crosses the road with adults, maybe she was just on autopilot?

The most effective way to spread politeness is to be polite yourself.

On the other hand, it can be quite effective if some bad tempered person corrects your children. For ever after, you can refer back to the time that that scary lady shouted at them, so therefore they should stand still in the queue, not shout, avoid bumping into people etc. etc.

merrymouse I agree. This thread reminded me of something that still rankles almost 20 years later.

I was having a lunch with my friend at a buffet-style restaurant. You paid a flat fee and chose your food from two big tables and then took your plate back to the table.

I chose a selection of savoury and sweet things and put them on different sides of my plate.

A man next to me started loudly talking to no one in particular about 'greedy' people. That was a bit of a mistake, as he soon learned.

These days I'd have calmly and coldly pointed out that if it was any of his business to act as Buffet Monitor I was choosing savoury and sweet to save myself and other people in the busy room the bother of me clambering over them twice.

But I got angry and he ruined my pleasant lunch because he was a rude git and I wasn't hurting anyone with what he saw as my appalling gaucheness.

That's what I call bad manners.

limited perios only Surely the point of those sort of places is to pile your plate high to get our money's worth. I wouldn't dream of commenting on it - though I do think it is shame when people pile loads on their plate and then leave it.

dominodonkey - it was the bit about chippy people suggesting special needs. With a little thought wellwisher might have guessed that most/all of these people are the parents of children with special needs who have to run the gauntlet (real or imagined) of the bad manners police everyday.

However, I am giving wellwisher the benefit of the doubt and assuming she typed before she was able to think this through.

What is a food court? Is it a cafe where you have to clear your own table? Don't they have table clearing staff?
I honestly didn't know there was such a thing?

domino it was round the corner from my new house and the area was peopled with very genteel people. It's not there any more and they seem to have been driven out by us oiks

btw my plate wasn't piled high but even so...

Passive aggressive 'thank you's and 'excuse me's get a bit wearing, my DD gets them and I have to point out thar she can't actually speak.

Hmmmm - I really don't think I would tackle parents about their children's behaviour unless it was directly impacting on me and the parents were doing nothing at all to attempt to address it. I wouldn't tackle the food court girls either - their little omission is way down the list of anti social behaviour. I would remonstrate with someone driving too fast in a small car park however since that's putting others at risk. I think you could be more selective in your uppityness; it sounds like you enjoy a ruck

secret are you a High Court judge, by any chance?

SecretSquirrels, if you go to an indoor shopping centre and look up you will usually see one.

Wellwisher..you are rude,, I agree rude people need telling.

I don't mind children. Mostly. Particularly younger ones.
Except older ones who used to play dangerously around small toddlers, the teenagers throwing stones in a play area, and the boy who the other day switched off an interactive display at a museum when DS was there. Immediate tell off.

And old people who jump lines and lean against the wall with text at a museum when I am blatantly reading it, and politely wait for them to realise it.

And this old lady who gets in the lift, stands right by the buttons and does nothing... Aka DM.

Of course the other thing about elderly people is that, as well as stopping a lot, they sometimes loose the ability to filter what comes out of their mouths. Sometimes their rudeness about your rudeness is caused by old age.

merrymouse fair enough. It does seem to be that people who say 'don't forget about SEN' on here have personal experience. I do think her general point that many people who are rude are just rude and its nothing to do with SEN stands though.

secret really? Food courts work the same as Mcdonalds. They are self service and then you clear away yourself. I wouldn't take much notice of someone who didn't though.

Also, I don't usually do passive aggressive, but assertive.
And no point in getting angry.

Some food courts have clearing staff.

Domino- no it wouldn't have been hard to say Thankyou and I would have genuinely said Thankyou and felt gratitude to the lady for serving me at the end of the transaction.

As it was I felt like a child who had been ticked off and like I didn't want to thank her at all ( I did though because my manners are actually quite good most of the time)