....to challenge people with bad manners?

[thefifthheffalump]

Not really bad stuff for the most part. Things like people not taking their rubbish in a food court and putting it in the bin, but leaving the crap all over the table so nobody can use it without clearing it themselves. I did this today to a couple of 20ish girls (asked them as they left the next table if they thought it was polite to leave their rubbish behind for someone else to deal with - they didn't say anything but looked a bit shamefaced, turned back and took it to the bin, so they obviously recognised it as the right hing to do, they were just being lazy and inconsiderate). My DH was slightly shocked and commented that lately I seem to have less tolerance for this type of thoughtlessness (I'd had a go a couple of days ago at an absolute twunt thoughtless person who was driving dangerously fast through a cramped car park and I am also prone to speak up to people allowing their kids to be absolute little shits in public).

I don't know if this is age - having hit the big 50 I'm less worried about what other people think of me if I speak up - or if I'm actually getting a bit menopausal or something! I think I'm just feeling less patient with the culture of entitlement and lack of consideration that makes life that bit less pleasant for everyone else, but I'm worried I'm descending into 'when I were a lass...the world was a better place' territory.

Do other people feel like me, or am I really becoming a bit unreasonable? I hasten to add that I'm not violently confrontational or anything, my challenges are always polite!

ffs: pull rude cunts up.

I've still got mixed feelings.

Primark employs so many floor staff because people treat their stuff as if they were in a jumble sale, if they didn't, less people would be employed.

My local city centre food court cut staff, but because people don't clear up after themselves, jobs were created.

Elderly people stop having spatial awareness and don't have the ability to focus on a task whilst thinking about who is around them, they are also easily injured, more so than children, that is why they can come across as they do.

As well as being in discomfort, pain, on meds etc.

I'm 21 and had 'words' with an asda employee who was older than me for having no manners. She was behind the pizza counter and I just exploded at her

I do the escalator hesitation thing too! And I'm only 32...

Ah, birds so that's why old people stop dead in the street.

So we'll all do it if we're lucky enough to live for a long time.

I'm going to explain that to the next idiot who tuts ostentatiously at her. I might say it in a slightly menacing tone of voice too

You are right about the stress, Dysfunctionalme, which is probably why I felt the need to get other people's opinions about whether I should shut up or not! As in, is it worth it, should I care, etc. And of course, am I being a better person for doing it, or am I as bad as the people I'm challenging. I can see why it might seem that way.

I actually feel less grumpy about it all just for getting it off my chest; way to go, Mumsnet!

Oh I am proper narky with rude people - I always do the 'YOUR WELCOME' thing if people walk through doors I am holding open without a word.

I hate it when they do it to my kids as well

I had a girl about 10 standing behind me the other day while I was dealing with DD3 - she wanted to get past and eventually shoved me out of the way - I told her 'excuse me' was the word she was looking for...I am only 42!

And she gave a little laugh and said "oh I'm just being a mum, I said no Thankyou"

An encounter with a member of the Bad Manners Police pigflu.

They're always about, keeping the streets safe for decent people.

Passive aggressive twats.

Well I think it's fin to care, and I also think it's fine to moan sometimes! But there are ways of caring that are easier to manage iyswim e.g. noticing the kind people can make you feel good and also encourages them to keep bothering being nice. At least, it works for me!

I also hate littering and will say something. The other day I saw someone throw a scrunched up paper bag out of their car window so I marched up and threw it back in. It felt great.

YANBU, I do it. I'm 23 and don't look much older either! I have a low tolerance for rudeness.
Generally do it more with kids but did it last week with a dog owner in her 50's who tried to have a go at me for trying to teach my charges how to approach dogs (she was also trying to 'teach' my charge to approach dogs with a hand out whilst ignoring me calling charge back and telling her she mustn't run towards dogs and talking over me when I was calming her down as she was confused and stressing out ).

ullena maybe it'll be me behind you on the escalator next time

I will tut very loudly at you and mutter "Mumsnet" under my breath

^An encounter with a member of the Bad Manners Police pigflu.

They're always about, keeping the streets safe for decent people.^

Um, well I'm not quite that bad, limited - you're right, that's definitely passive aggressive and OTT. Perhaps she had one of those days where there hadn't been too much appreciation for her being pleasant to people?

Oops, clearly I haven't quite got the shortcuts for italics quite hacked yet!

Transport for London have brought out a great new poster that clearly explains using just a diagram that the convention on the Underground is to stand on the right and leave the left free for people to pass.

Then someone thought to print 'manners cost nothing' or some other passive aggressive nonsense underneath.

That smug little message enrages me more than people who accidently get in my way on the Tube.

bumblingbovine, I was super polite and pleasant to them, I promise! I am never aggressive or rude, always polite. Australia being the original nanny state very organised about these things (we are the instructional sign capital of the world!), there are plenty of notices in this particular place about clearing your own table.

I haven't lived in or visited the UK for 13 years, I'm curious about whether the manners culture is different to here in Australia, at all. Different cultural and social influences and all that.

YANBU. I get tempted to go postal into Basil Fawlty mode at people who don't bother to queue at bus stops, and then appear from nowhere/everywhere when the bus finally arrives. Ditto, people who arrive late at the cinema and make everyone get up, etc I'm lovely really

I think it's only acceptable to intervene if somebody is causing a disturbance in an enclosed space that ruins an experience other people are paying for (like kids screaming in a restaurant or people talking in the cinema), violence toward others or any kind of bullying. Even then, you size up the situation to determine the best way to deal with it in an intelligent manner so as not to place yourself or anyone with you at risk. Other than that, you mind your own business.

It's just plain rude to lecture someone for doing something that you personally dislike or for not behaving as you would but wouldn't even notice if you weren't actively poking your nose where it didn't belong. Someone leaving their trays on a food court makes absolutely no difference to your life. Sounds like you're just looking for excuses to complain about something, if you continue doing this, chances are that one day you'll pick on the wrong person.

Rather than focusing obsessively on other peoples manners, take care of your own. They're lacking.

So many defenders of bad manners here! OP, your point is proved. Keep doing what you're doing; every little helps.

FGS are there any manners/behaviour threads on AIBU any more that aren't hijacked by chippy people boring on about the possibility of special needs/ASD etc? Of course we should challenge bad manners. Statistically, most people are not autistic (though you wouldn't know it from reading AIBU). Most rude people are just rude, and they need telling, especially children.

Incidentally, if a child has the implausible issue of being selectively mute when it comes to saying "thank you", their carer should say it for them. Every time.

wellwisher how rude!

I can't stand busybodying middle-aged women they get right upmy nose.

OP if you told me where to park or to clear away food in a cafe I think I'd tell you to fuck off and mind your own.

Am I menopausal?

Completely agree with birdsgottafly Really, parents of children with ASD have it hard enough without having to stop what they are doing to explain their child's behaviour to tutting observers.

Really, with a little observation, it should be possible to spot that, for instance, a child is slightly too old to be having tantrums and that there might be more to the situation than bad parenting.

Somebody with really good manners stops for a second, tries to put themself in somebody else's shoes and gives them the benefit of the doubt.

In reality, providing 'helpful' correction to a complete stranger is more likely to make them cross than change their behaviour. On the other hand, if you want to spread peace and kindness, smiling works well.