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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is a sign of the times we live in.....

396 replies

MidWeekSlump · 05/09/2012 23:56

My daughter today was telling us about her new high school... lots of stories. Then we got to lunch, her friend gets free dinners, when they went to get dinner (which cost my daughter £2), her friend complained as she had to pay 20p extra to add to her lunch as hers is free.

She said her friend started arguing with the dinner ladies about her free dinner and being a single parent family, then went on to say she shouldn't have to pay for the drink.

My daughter said she thought her friend was being silly as it was a lovely meal for only 20p a day if she wants extras....

Am I wrong for feeling sad that my daughters friend at 11 is already pulling the whole "I'm entitled to it" attitude out of the bag????

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 06/09/2012 12:29

Or, it may have been as simple as, "are you sure? I thought I got FSM because my mum's a single parent". I can imagine an 11 year old assuming it was a simple clerical error, and trying to clarify the situation by explaining her personal circumstances quite easily.

limitedperiodonly · 06/09/2012 12:30

If had come home from school 10p short with no explanation my mum would have held an almighty inquest.

Hence the reason I always checked my change and spoke up if someone made a mistake or appeared to have done.

This was because she valued money and wanted me to look after it. Neither did she want me to hand it over to a bully.

I think most of us would agree that's a good lesson for a mother to teach her child.

However, the kind of bullies she had in mind were too young to be driving a bus.

AmberLeaf · 06/09/2012 12:31

Bunnywhack. Im aware of the difficulties of being on min wage and the tax credit system.

That doesnt explain how you arrive at the idea that being on benefits is better

So those people who think I am being mean by suggesting the child has to stick to the guidelines of what is a meal - would you suggest children on free school means have no limits on their choices??? So as not to alienate them?? Should we perhaps be offering them whatever they would like from the menu just so as they do not have to suffer by not getting everything they want???? Where shall we draw the line??? 3 desserts?

Nope. just the same as everyone else.

imnotmymum · 06/09/2012 12:31

I do not think anyone said you and your dd were evil benefit haters or that your DD was attacked viciously just stories can get exaggerated. My kids do it when relaying a story when I was there!!!

Hotcoffeeisamemory · 06/09/2012 12:31

Poor child.
She's just come from primary where she would have got the same as her peers.

She gets to high school, which is bewildering at the best of times. She chooses the same as her friends but can't have it.

Some of you lot need to have a heart.

My kids on fsm. Eldest in high school. I have to either top up her card or send in extra food so she has enough. The £1.30 isn't enough at all. Even with the meal deal.

I don't begrudge the extra.

But if I was on the bones of my arse, my daughter would be hungry through the day.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 06/09/2012 12:32

Because schools give out this information on enrolment and induction. You don't get FSMs without at least ticking a box to say you are entitled to them.

If fit some bizarre reason this is a school that doesn't give out meal information to parents of new y7s, then it doesn't take a genius to work out that a system may be different at secondary and primary. The parent could have made an effort to find out.

wordfactory · 06/09/2012 12:33

amber I would be very shocked if a school did not make its system clear ot all new parents.

And parents applying for FSM will be told what it includes.

imnotmymum · 06/09/2012 12:34

Is the budget £1.30 ? That does not get you a lot in our school.

Hotcoffeeisamemory · 06/09/2012 12:37

Yes.
We've only had it since may this year.
And will be off it by the end of the year.
I was shocked at how low it was. I said to my daughter that you must be mistaken and it's £1.80.
She went to pupil services and got it confirmed.
Also I was not told how much she got. I just got a letter from the local authority saying my children qualified and what schools they attend.

wordfactory · 06/09/2012 12:37

hotcoffee does FSM not include the main meal and a pudding? I thought that was statutory.

If it doesn't I would take it up with the governors becasue that is not right at all.

Badvoc · 06/09/2012 12:38

I thought fsm meant everything was free?
That's how it was in my day.....(realises her day was 2 decades ago and slopes off...)

imnotmymum · 06/09/2012 12:39

There you go lack of communication was probably the problem here not the parent. We had to claim a couple of years back when kids in primary just got the hot meal pudding, milk/juice so I guess she thought was similar idea.
Glad how positive you sound Hot Good luck!!

TheBigJessie · 06/09/2012 12:40

limitedperiodonly yeah. I learnt as a child that we weren't a family who could afford the price of not speaking up. It did embarrass my friends sometimes though. Smile

Young Jessie: but this is what a customer service desk is for.
Better-off Friend: but they'll tell us off. Can't we just get my dad to do it?

[Five minutes later, after Jessie has factually explained the problem to the staff]
Friend: okay, it wasn't like I expected.
Jessie: told you so.

AmberLeaf · 06/09/2012 12:41

I can assure you that the ins and outs of it are not made clear.

imnotmymum · 06/09/2012 12:42

Ha Ha TheBig so true. I still have to change things for DSS...he 19!!

Youcanringmybell · 06/09/2012 12:44

I used to be on FSM when I was in secondary. It was HUMILIATING. They made us stand in a separate queue. I used to take in spare change from my pocket money if I wanted to have extra. Our meal was £1.20 but often we had to pay 20p or so to top up with a drink.
This is normal.
I can remember those that had free school dinners getting waved through without paying extra because she felt bad charging them

I think the whole FSM thing is outdated. There should be meals provided for all children at school..although financially unlikely for now.

However, I do think the girl in the post sounds rude. I suspect a parent may well have given her the entitled attitude.
I do NOT think it is a sign of the times though...most children still keep their families poverty to themselves poor things, like me and suffer in silence Sad

Hammy02 · 06/09/2012 12:48

Why should all kids have the same choice? Of course they should have a decent meal but not an unlimited choice. What message does that send out to them? They all have the same choice regardless of income. Yes. That's the real world!

Hammy02 · 06/09/2012 12:50

"There should be meals provided for all children at school". I reckon the reverse is more likely. Especially with the universal benefit. At least that way, no-one knows which children have poor parents.

Hotcoffeeisamemory · 06/09/2012 12:50

Word factory, I don't know. She's not got a sweet tooth anyway!
Tbh, I've not questioned it and just sent her in with extra food.
I thing I was lucky for her to get fsm in the first place.
I am glad she's not judged. It's put on her card daily.
When I was in school I had to queue up and get a dinner ticket, in the dinner hall. Everyone knew I was poor and my mum couldn't be bothered to get off her fat arse and get a job. Yes, my friend, age 15, said that to me. Well I say friend. Obviously not.

Fairylea · 06/09/2012 12:52

That's just awful - the having to pay the extra 20p I mean. The fsm should be exactly the same as the main one without any extra cost - drink, meal, pudding. Otherwise you're just stigmatising the poor. Might as well give them a bowl of slop and a big sticker saying "POOR".

I think (and I don't know if this happens already) that all who have school meals - those who pay and those who have it for free - should be given a tocken (all identical) in the morning in their class to exchange for their lunch.

Fairylea · 06/09/2012 12:54

*token ffs bloody phone!!

TheQueenOfDiamonds · 06/09/2012 12:59

Fucking hell, she's 11. Were you that desperate to bash low income families you had to pick a child?

Glitterknickaz · 06/09/2012 13:00

I am absolutely disgusted that the daily mail appears to be taking over these boards.

Oakmaiden · 06/09/2012 13:01

"Why should all kids have the same choice? Of course they should have a decent meal but not an unlimited choice. What message does that send out to them? They all have the same choice regardless of income. Yes. That's the real world!"

I despair, I really do. I cannot - just CANNOT - understand people who say "this is what it is like in the real world - it is unfair and crap, so lets make it unfair and crap for children too."

Why can't we offer children the same choices regardless of income? What would it hurt to say "a school meal costs £x" and have that £x the same as the FSM?

I am interested to know what the OP's daughter ate that day - it sounds to me as though she had the meal plus option for £2, the same as her friend wanted to. It is not important, I guess, but I am curious that the meal the daughter considered to be a "lovely meal" might in fact be something the other child couldn't have....

Vagaceratops · 06/09/2012 13:02

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos We have the same system, although our school limits to £4 a day.

which is good otherwise DS would spend all him money on iced buns