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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is a sign of the times we live in.....

396 replies

MidWeekSlump · 05/09/2012 23:56

My daughter today was telling us about her new high school... lots of stories. Then we got to lunch, her friend gets free dinners, when they went to get dinner (which cost my daughter £2), her friend complained as she had to pay 20p extra to add to her lunch as hers is free.

She said her friend started arguing with the dinner ladies about her free dinner and being a single parent family, then went on to say she shouldn't have to pay for the drink.

My daughter said she thought her friend was being silly as it was a lovely meal for only 20p a day if she wants extras....

Am I wrong for feeling sad that my daughters friend at 11 is already pulling the whole "I'm entitled to it" attitude out of the bag????

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/09/2012 09:13

'Now i'm working I'm much worse off but I love my job and have a strong work ethic and I'm no longer entitled to FSMs or all the other perks that come with being on benefits.
above quote from Flojo.
Translated this means "i dont get it so why should they"
"im worse off so they should be too." '

Nail hitting head!

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 09:22

"did your dd not offer to lend her the 20p?"

Is she supposed to lend her 20p every day of the school year? Hmm or any other friends happening to be standing next to her. Not averse to making comments about another 11 year old you know nothing about, are you?

What's wrong with water for a drink? If she's able to argue with the dinner ladies then she's smart enough to take in their answers and realise that there is a free drink on offer, as much as she wants: water.
Why on earth is everyone trying to think up excuses for the rude kid? This thread is a sign of the times, not the OP.

"They don't want to draw attention to themselves."
WTF? sounds she got that spot on, then.

5inthebed · 06/09/2012 09:24

Cant really argue with someone who asks "r u really that thick?", that's an arguement stopper right there.

What if his little extra the girl was getting was the first things she was eating that day, and the last.

Really, begrudging an 11 year old a small snack/ drink is not that attractive.

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 09:29

My parents probably wouldn't have allowed me a 20p drink either, on principle- either because the drink is sugary or because they don't know why I couldn't just drink water. I think they're pretty damn "attractive", if you were to put it that way- they love me, they care for me, that's evidence of this. Why does every lunchtime have to taste good? For a site obsessed with "food issues", I don't know why people are getting so het up about this kid having to "rough it"- whether it's evidence of there being a social divide or not.....there is a divide, life isn't fair, isn't that a good lesson to learn? Again, if she's old enough to argue with adults and you all think that's reasonable, she's old enough to cope with the fact that some people are richer than others. Seems like she's pretty on the ball about that already seeing as though she's trying to manipulate the grownup by mentioning "single parent family".

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 09:33

Anyway, the point is not that the rules are unfair (even if that's a matter of opinion). The point is that the rules are there, they're fixed, the dinner lady can't bend them just for this demanding 11 year old even if she wanted to. She's a cog in the machine, sorry to say it. The OP's point was that the child was trying to persuade the adult to break the rules for her own benefit. That she felt comfortable enough to do that.

Feminine · 06/09/2012 09:36

It wasn't to do with the child demanding anything.

I'll say it again, if the child is only 11 (and always had free school food) she would naturally expect all that is available should be available for her.

Sometimes children argue to save face when they are embarrassed.

Vagaceratops · 06/09/2012 09:38

This is what happens when school dinners are provided by profit making private companies. They are trying to make extra money out of children who receive free school meals. I'd reserve your disgust for them TBH, OP.

Absolutely.

wordfactory · 06/09/2012 09:38

Oh my goodness it has nothing to do with affordability.

We are in the top whatever percent for income but my DS knows that there is not a cat in hell's chance that he should be spending money on bloody sugar filled drinks and crap.

He also knows that he should not buy a pudding until he's finished his main meal in case he dpoesn't want it.

I bet the lunch queue is full of kids watching what they spend.

sue52 · 06/09/2012 09:42

I don't like to think of 11 year olds judging their fellow pupils who receive free school meals.

PukeCatcher · 06/09/2012 09:43

I don't usually wade in on these threads but I just want to add - she's 11 years old ffs, she didn't "want more", what child wouldn't want the drink and the snack if they're displayed in front of her? If she was fresh from primary where everybody got the same I can see how an 11 year old would apply the same logic and get one of everything.

Vagaceratops · 06/09/2012 09:43

He also knows that he should not buy a pudding until he's finished his main meal in case he dpoesn't want it.

In our canteen you would never get in twice. Too many children and small slots for each year.

Thistledew · 06/09/2012 09:43

Maybe it is a sign of our times that an 11 year old child, who knows that her close friend's family is in financial difficulties, would have no qualms about seeing her have to do without something and be embarrassed about it in public, rather than give her 20p.

Sign of the times indeed. One wonders how that child is being raised.

Moominsarescary · 06/09/2012 09:43

While I agree that for some children the free school meal will possibly be the only food they get, I think those children will probably be the ones that choose the snack over the drink and just have water

limitedperiodonly · 06/09/2012 09:44

I'm very impressed with the child for having the guts to complain.

The most privileged and well-off people in society complain all the time when they are denied what they think they deserve.

That's how they got to be privileged and well off.

Vagaceratops · 06/09/2012 09:45

I don't like to think of 11 year olds judging their fellow pupils who receive free school meals.

I agree. I think its odd your DD even told you about it.

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 09:46

I certainly didn't expect anything at 11. You underestimate kids a lot. My parents are not poor by any stretch of the imagination but they were SO careful, and not used to spending, and extras like most of my friends got were just not there for me. For one, this was made clear as an educative step- deprive yourself to reap what you can later, build character, and for two, they wanted me to know that most of the time, it's good not to have the best of the best. And that making a choice between A and B doesn't mean you can't enjoy A or B as much as you would otherwise. The kid absorbs a lot more than you realise....I hated my packed lunches, but I knew why I had them and why my friends had nice ones and that was a complete non-issue. As it should have been! This does not have to be about poverty. This has to be about education.

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 09:47

It's not that odd- OP says her DD told her lots of stories. If you're brought up to think that adults are there to be obeyed then, yeah, you bring it up because it's a point of interest.

happyinherts · 06/09/2012 09:48

Our income is less than the government's criteria for FSM, but we don't qualify as we're on working tax credit. I can't afford college meals for my son on top of the £20 bus fares which once upon a time would have been covered by EMA.

He is quite happy for packed lunch / fruit because he knows things are tight at home. He couldnt afford to give a student on FSM 20p a day, why should he? Youngsters have to learn what they can have and what they cant.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere · 06/09/2012 09:49

What a mean little thread to start.
About a child
Worse off than the op with no control over her family finances.

I agree with the post unthread that says the op is a sign of the times we live in.

We are living in the sort of times in which people are desperate to find a way of proving that those on benefits are greedy and grasping.
And are prepared to use a child to prove their point.

Shame

redpanda13 · 06/09/2012 09:50

Agreed Feminine. Plus the story has came down through the grapevine. Things get added and taken away with stories. People believe they heard what they think. Such as the girl saying she was from a single parent family. The OP has came on with an inflamatory "SIGN OF THE TIMES" OP and could well have twisted the story in her mind to fit her perception of an 11 year old girl. I would be shocked and ashamed if my DD came home with a story like that about a friend. I dislike gossips.
Plus Flo Jo who said people on benefits were rich. I became a single parent when my DD was 3 and claimed IS for 4 months. It was absolute hell. The stress of it made my IBS flare up to such an extent that twice I could not make it home in time. I shit myself twice in the street! I don't smoke, I could not afford drink or a social life and I still do not have a large screen TV. I remember scrimping to buy DD a pair of Asda wellies. An extra 20p a day would have floored me.

quirrelquarrel · 06/09/2012 09:50

"I don't like to think of 11 year olds judging their fellow pupils who receive free school meals"

FFS! Where does it say that the OP's daughter is judging her for being poor? It says that she was surprised at a display of bad manners. Just because someone is bloody unfortunate doesn't mean they're absolved from all blame for all unrelated actions.

Ahh.....think I need to breathe, step back....Blush

wordfactory · 06/09/2012 09:50

pukecatcher I would hope that we have all brought up our 11 year olds to undertsnad that you can't have stuff just because it's there!!!!

Most canteens these days involve a lot of choice (hot meal, cold meal, vegie choice, sandwich, soup, snacks, puddings, drinks, fruit). DC can't just have one of everything. They have to make a choice according to the budget their parent has given them and (one hopes against hope) ensuring they eat somehting vaguely nutritious.

Clearly this young lady had not been properly advices which is not her fault. However, the answer is to advise her properly not throw her the menu and tell her to order at will.

FrothyOM · 06/09/2012 09:53

I thought this would be a thread about foodbanks. New ones are opening all over the place.

I am disgusted at your attitude OP. Here, have a free Biscuit

My six yr old , when we were out shopping, told my 3yo DS he couldn't have something as mummy and daddy didn't have the money. Kids are aware when their families are struggling.

KenLeeeeeee · 06/09/2012 09:56

"As for those of you who feel it is your God given right to pass judgement on people that are in receipt of benefits... SHAME ON YOU! You should be thinking therefore but for the grace of God go I... not one of you know what is round the corner."

This.

That poor CHILD being so humiliated in her first days at school. Sad

I remember my first week of secondary school; lunchtimes were terrifying. I'd gone from a tiny primary school with 200 pupils max & a cosy lunch hall where everyone got the same lunch FOC, to a HUGE canteen with different prices for this, that & the other, long queues, noise you wouldn't believe and bigger kids everywhere. That's bad enough without being embarrassed over 20p for a drink. Poor kid.

mumsknots · 06/09/2012 09:57

Op chose to start a thread about an 11yr old girl from a disadvantaged background. In my opinion it doesn't get much lower than that!