Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is a sign of the times we live in.....

396 replies

MidWeekSlump · 05/09/2012 23:56

My daughter today was telling us about her new high school... lots of stories. Then we got to lunch, her friend gets free dinners, when they went to get dinner (which cost my daughter £2), her friend complained as she had to pay 20p extra to add to her lunch as hers is free.

She said her friend started arguing with the dinner ladies about her free dinner and being a single parent family, then went on to say she shouldn't have to pay for the drink.

My daughter said she thought her friend was being silly as it was a lovely meal for only 20p a day if she wants extras....

Am I wrong for feeling sad that my daughters friend at 11 is already pulling the whole "I'm entitled to it" attitude out of the bag????

OP posts:
theinets · 06/09/2012 23:26

The child sounds very entitled and grasping to me. Probably learnt at home. Sad.

MAYBELATERNOWIMBUSY · 06/09/2012 23:46

re moon landings

TheBigJessie · 06/09/2012 23:47

Ye-es. I mean, I've found that most parents would even phone up to check, if they noticed there wasn't any child benefit on the latest monthly bank statement. How entitled is that?!

The problem could be population wide- last week I saw an elderly woman query why her BOGOF offer wasn't showing on the bill. She just expected the supermarket to give her food for free!

How many of you lot had mastered the graceful, dignified "oh I can't afford that as well" tinkly laugh in front of all your friends by eleven? It took me until at least 13!

It was her first flipping day. We have only a third hand account. She could've handled it quite brilliantly, for all we know. But if she wasn't perfect, and didn't present herself as well as she could've done... I still think she should be cut some slack. Mad old liberal me, eh?

TheBigJessie · 06/09/2012 23:54

I think there's probably been threads where more sympathy was paid to 30 year old women who can't admit they can't afford the latest expensive fashions. Who are getting into massive debt, over their inability to opt out of "keeping up with the Joneses". Interesting, really.

Leena49 · 07/09/2012 01:59

I think she sounds assertive and has probably had to be. Good for her although sad that she has to be so astute at such a young age.

shewhowines · 07/09/2012 08:43

the big Jessie etc

so she should have been allowed the meal and desert and drink and then an extra snack on top of that then? Please just answer yes or no.

tethersend · 07/09/2012 09:12

That's a bit reductionist, shewhowines.

I can't answer yes or no, as I believe the situation should never have arisen in the first place. I don't think there's a place for flavoured drinks in any school dinner- give everyone water and the problem's solved.

limitedperiodonly · 07/09/2012 09:13

shewhowines Sorry, but you don't get to define the nature of the answers or misrepresent what I and many other posters are saying.

This child questioned the dinner lady's decision, explaining her personal circumstances, and she's been condemned for that in spiteful, fanciful terms. Many of us were disgusted by that and the efforts to dress it up as a lesson in sensible budgeting.

Do you think words like entitled, and stroppy and rude to describe anyone in that situation when we have only a highly subjective third-hand account are fair?

Use as many words as you like.

Toughasoldboots · 07/09/2012 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 07/09/2012 09:19

As tethers says: water for everyone would solve it.

No one needs flavoured drinks. They are a horrible indulgence demanded by entitled people and this country is going to hell in a handcart by pandering to that trend.

Much better for your teeth and weight as well. Do you know how much dentistry and obesity care is costing the NHS? Shocking.

wordfactory · 07/09/2012 09:19

Oh it's quite ridiculous to expect a dinner lady to just brush it under the table.

These are women on very low pay (many of them will be on benefits) who know full well that if they are caught giving stuff away they'll be sacked.

limitedperiodonly · 07/09/2012 09:23

Yes tough I agree. The dinner lady might have kindly explained the situation and there might have been no argument at all. We have the only OP's word for it.

And as has been pointed out it could all have been a clever wind up. But the replies have been revealing.

wordfactory · 07/09/2012 09:28

Probably went somehtng like this.

DL: That'll be twenty pence, love.
Girl: But I'm on free dinners.
DL: It only includes a drink or a snack not both.
Girl: My Mum is a single mother so I thought my dinner was free.
DL: Your dinner is free but not the snack and the drink. It's twenty pence for both.
Friend: [seeing queue of year eight boys building behind them] For God's sakke just give her the twenty pence...

Flatbread · 07/09/2012 09:29

No one needs flavoured drinks. They are a horrible indulgence demanded by entitled people and this country is going to hell in a handcart by pandering to that trend

Interesting. It seems out of the two children, only one was demanding the flavoured drink, and wanted it included for free.

I am all for assertive children, but I think the ones who will go far in life are not the ones who try to get as much as they can for free, but those who understand nothing in life is free and push themselves to achieve. It doesn't matter what social class you are from, this is about personal attitude. There are scroungers on both ends of the wealth spectrum.

Toughasoldboots · 07/09/2012 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjay · 07/09/2012 09:37

Flavoured drinks are indulgent and people are demanding and entitled

give them all bread and water that will teach them

limitedperiodonly · 07/09/2012 09:42

Probably wordfactory. At least your scenario is free of nastiness and suggests that the friend was embarrassed rather than spiteful.

flatbread I was being flippant. And I can think of quite a lot of people who live their lives expecting things for nothing and getting them too.

I agree that everyone should learn how to justify their desires then if you're not in a privileged position or simply intimidating you've got more of a chance of getting them.

TheBigJessie · 07/09/2012 09:49

the big Jessie etc
"so she should have been allowed the meal and desert and drink and then an extra snack on top of that then? Please just answer yes or no."

I have a better answert though: strawman fallacy. Is it a deliberate attempt at misrepresentation and diversion? Just answer yes or no.

I have never really entered the debate on what FSM should comprise, as trying to explain that people should not character assassinate an eleven year old on little/no evidence has been pretty time-consuming. It's a point you still don't seem to be getting. A third-hand account that is rather short of quotes, for example. It's rather vague...

There are adults who wouldn't be able to say, "ooh, can I put that back then?" at the check-out. In front of complete strangers they'll never see again! They just pull out a different card.

I can matter-of-factly say "oh, I need to put that back". As an adult, I could manage the OP's lunch tale perfectly, athough I'm sure many 11 year olds would still find witnessing the situation embarrassing!

I hope the OP's daughter is being a friend to that girl today, and not mocking her.

adeucalione · 07/09/2012 10:04

Interesting that the OP's assertion that the girl argued and complained is being dismissed as an exaggeration, and those agreeing that she should have shown some manners are being dismissed as bigots.

I know plenty of 11yo children and am not sure why anyone would automatically assume that this couldn't possibly have happened.

TheBigJessie · 07/09/2012 10:19

I don't think anyone has "automatically assumed that it couldn't possibly have happened". Would you like to explain what posts you mean?

I think the main objection has been to the idea that the OP is telling the truth, as opposed to the truth as she saw it, after hearing a story from someone else. Furthermore, when I whinge about rude eleven year olds, it doesn't generally occur to me to bring their family finances into it. The fact that the OP did, in my opinion, casts doubt on her account.

wordfactory · 07/09/2012 10:24

Well to be fair not all DC (whatever their age or parental income) show dinner ladies and cleaners etc with sufficient respect. Rudeness is sadly common.

You can't just assume, because this child is in recepit of FSM, that she is some sort of Helena-Kennedy-esque fighter for justice. And BTW HK is really quite self effacing out of her work sphere. As is Gareth Pierce.

Pendeen · 07/09/2012 10:24

After 13 pages, still going????

wordfactory (Fri 07-Sep-12 09:28:20 ) has it right I'm sure.

TheBigJessie · 07/09/2012 10:35

She might have been rude, yes. But it isn't fair to assume she actually was, which is what plenty of people have been doing.

First rule of children at school on MN normally is: don't assume your child has told you The Truth, but their truth. Check up before you rant.

There is truly a wealth of possible situations that the OP's account would include, all the way from Shameless-esque behaviour to "Can you explain the system to me, Miss".

adeucalione · 07/09/2012 10:39

TheBigJessie -

Well I can't be bothered trawling through 13 pages, but just a quick look at the first few found:

"Sorry OP but I don't believe a word of it"

"Utter bollocks, I don't believe you OP"

"I do not believe it really happened"

So the thread is essentially posters saying - gosh yes she was out of order to be rude to a dinner lady and expect to get an extra snack for free, followed by people willfully misinterpreting those comments and saying things like :

"This place is crawling with bigots and fucking nasty bastards sometimes"

TheBigJessie · 07/09/2012 10:44

They didn't say, "I don't believe children are ever rude to dinnerladies" or anything like that. Those posts clearly imply that the OP is a benefit-bashing troll!

I expect you'll think it's semantics or something, but there's a clear difference to me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread