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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for wanting to tell this old woman to sod off??

146 replies

EverybodySayHumf · 05/09/2012 11:11

I joined weight watchers yesterday and it was an old lady signing you in.

During the meeting the leader was talking about 'ways to get moving more' Not really the gym or classes just doing things in everyday life to up your day to day movement.

Now I don't have a car so I walk and move around alot.

The leader said 'does anyone do their shopping online?'

So I said 'Me'

And she made the point that I should try and do the shopping in person as walking around the shop pushing the trolley is better than sitting at the PC.

I pointed out that I walk EVERYWHERE including a full 2 HOURs a day doing the back and forth school run and that it would be difficult getting the shopping as I don't have a car.

So the old woman who signs you in chirps up at this point shouting 'Well I don't have a car, I get up and get on the bus!! its not hard to carry shopping lovey'

Cue laughter.....

and me feeling stupid :(

but I have a family of 7!! and when i do the online shopping I start with five 2litre bottles of water!!

So how the hell am i supposed to get weekly shopping for 7 people, on the bus, with a one year old AND a 3 year old with me alone???

She made me feel really stupid and lazy but It just WOULD NOT be possible for me to get my shopping on the bus with my kids :(

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 13:43

namechangegalore why do you never get offended by old people?

Is that because you assume that none of them mean to be offensive?

That's a bit patronising. What if you encounter a really vile person, who just happens to be old, who intends to be offensive.

They'd probably be pretty pissed off if you weren't offended just because they were old!

YingTongIddleIPo · 05/09/2012 13:44

She's said already: She doesn't like the taste of tap water. Do keep up.

bundle · 05/09/2012 13:45

a filter would sort that out and not be so environmentally damaging

YingTongIddleIPo · 05/09/2012 13:46

She doesn't want it sorted out though!

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 13:47

OP doesn't have an issue with buying bottled water.

I wouldn't do it, she does.

Not relevant.

RuleBritannia · 05/09/2012 13:50

Oh. Thank you. In tyhat case, I would also suggest a filter.

MmeLindor · 05/09/2012 13:54

Bloody hell. Sometimes I wonder why I bother posting on MN.

Leave the poor OP alone. She has already posted that she was upset, that she battles with depression and anxiety.

She didn't come on here to get a bashing for being ageist - and she wasn't meaning to be offensive, she just didn't choose her words carefully enough to avoid offending anyone over the age of 35.

Stop picking her posts apart and give her the benefit of the doubt, ffs. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Does it cheer you up to know that you have upset a woman who was already upset about the comments from an unthinking and rather tactless woman?

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 13:56

Sadly, MmeLindor, I think for some people, it does.

Although I am going to be offended by you now (if I may), I'm over 35 does that make me old??!!!!

Wah!!

MmeLindor · 05/09/2012 13:57

haha. I almost posted 40yo

Don't be offended, I am older than you and I didn't offend myself. :)

drjohnsonscat · 05/09/2012 13:58

no it's still not legal Grin

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 13:59

Oh bum. Grin

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 05/09/2012 14:25

Oh you bloody lot of vipers, you've chased her off.

I was about to suggest that a water filter might take care of the funny-tasting tap water and save her a bit of cash. OP? Hellooooo?

Anyway, YANBU for the record (duck-and-cover).

WithoutCaution · 05/09/2012 14:55

Why didn't she ask if you got the lift or escalators? Then suggest that you used the stairs Confused I'd use online shopping if I didn't have a car and I only shop for 3 Wink

I've found that Slimming World groups are far nicer than WW groups and you don't feel hungry all the time.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/09/2012 16:13

The title of the Op was 'To tell this Old Woman to sod off'
All the op had to put was 'woman', what did her age have to do with the remarks she made? Then it was old women on buses tutting at her.
It is the one thing I tend to jump on more than anything else. Ageism does exist on MN.
I'm in my 50's and from what I read here sometimes, I disapprove of all young people and tut and give them looks in supermarkets.
Maybe I should start.

MmeLindor · 05/09/2012 16:33

'old' is in this case descriptive, I think LadyB.

Just as I would write, 'AIBU to hope that the young man who walked in front of me with his trousers hanging halfway down his arse will find that his trews slip all the way down and he will fall over. Seriously, why on earth do young people wear such ridiculous clothes?!'

EllenParsons · 05/09/2012 19:06

YANBU

OP I think some posters have unfairly had a go at you and I didn't find you ageist. I would have been really irritated by the comments at WW as well and I don't think there is anything wrong with online shopping! I agree with you it's just not possible to carry it but anyway if shopping for that many people I would definitely rather just quickly order online (less chance of being tempted by chocolate etc too as people have said) then with the time saved, go or a swim or game of tennis or something. Surely that is healthier than slowly trudging round the whole supermarket, sitting on bus for ages etc, which can be seen as a bit of a waste of time!

katecreate · 05/09/2012 19:32

Does mentioning the fact it was a woman make it sexist too? I think it's just descriptive. OP, YANBU.

GoingBlankAgain · 05/09/2012 19:41

YABU. Respect your elders!

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 05/09/2012 19:48

Fucksake, why is there this horrible trend at the moment of leaping on one aspect of someone's post then poking it in the eye until it's fucking blind? The op has said several times that it was unintentional on her part to emphasise the age of the woman, has apologised, has offered an explanation as to why her age stuck in her mind - and still some people are blathering on about it and making her feel shit.

The op is upset and said from the off that she suffers from depression and anxiety and has been greatly affected by the remarks this person made and the response they received from everyone else at the meeting. She's come on here for some messages of support. Just because this is AIBU it doesn't mean you have the right to act like the snarky word police and jump down her throat for something she has apologised for several posts up. It doesn't make you look big or clever. It makes you look like a small minded keyboard warrior who enjoys making other people feel shitty.

Op, she sounds extremely thoughtless but put it behind you and concentrate on the positive aspects of your attendance. It will be so worth it in a couple of months.

Mintyy · 05/09/2012 19:59

For all the people who do not find the op's post ageist, there are an equal number who DO.

Look at the thread title as it stands alone (let alone the several other remarks about the age of the person concerned) ... it is not very nice, is it?

People are bound to comment and why on earth not? Or is ageism just somehow not as offensive?

Hullygully · 05/09/2012 20:04

From now on I am going to say only "a human bean" with NO descriptors of any kind. Twill be inneresting to see how fares it.

RaisinDEtre · 05/09/2012 20:06

It's not just the casual ageism, it's the casual ageism arrowed at women that's partic prevalent IMO

Sad really, as we're gonna be old wimmin one day. Think about it.

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers · 05/09/2012 20:06

Weirdly when I went on to this just now the thread stopped at middayish after a particularly goading bout of posts about this, but when I posted, all the others popped up Confused

But anyway... No, I don't think it's unreasonable to find that aspect of the op troubling. But it's so irritating when someone is obviously genuinely upset, has made a remark thoughtlessly and apologised for it (more than once), and is still having the point of her op ignored in favour of consistently picking at that one aspect. It stops becoming about people pointing out that she's been thoughtless and just starts to be a form of goading, which is just as unpleasant IMO as ageism. If she'd replied and said 'And what, I hate old people' flame away. She didn't. She apologised. That should be sufficient when it's obvious that the apology, and her distress, is genuine.

wizzler · 05/09/2012 20:06

Well done for going to a WW meeting in the first place. It IS really hard just to walk through the door the first time

The helpers at the class are volunteers and are not necessarily doing the job because they are thoughtful or diplomatic .

I am sure she didn't mean to embarass you, but I guess what they were trying to suggest is that everyone does need to try to do more exercise every day...don't go into denial, but you could maybe do part of your shopping in foot ( local veg shop? )

Don't let it put you off, and come on over to the WW thread which is really supportive

Viperidae · 05/09/2012 20:08

Absolutely agree that the OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time here. The woman was rude, she happened to be old, the OP was upset and I think you are all being OTT horrible after she has explained herself. Agree with Tyranno that some posters on this thread should be ashamed when the OP has already confessed to depression, when a point has been made and apologised for this continued hectoring sounds like bullying.

Being old does not exempt anybody from expectations of manners and, just like other age groups, there are some nice old people and some not nice ones.

OP, I would have a quiet word with the group leader, tell her how you felt, it is her job to make people feel good about going to the group.