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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for wanting to tell this old woman to sod off??

146 replies

EverybodySayHumf · 05/09/2012 11:11

I joined weight watchers yesterday and it was an old lady signing you in.

During the meeting the leader was talking about 'ways to get moving more' Not really the gym or classes just doing things in everyday life to up your day to day movement.

Now I don't have a car so I walk and move around alot.

The leader said 'does anyone do their shopping online?'

So I said 'Me'

And she made the point that I should try and do the shopping in person as walking around the shop pushing the trolley is better than sitting at the PC.

I pointed out that I walk EVERYWHERE including a full 2 HOURs a day doing the back and forth school run and that it would be difficult getting the shopping as I don't have a car.

So the old woman who signs you in chirps up at this point shouting 'Well I don't have a car, I get up and get on the bus!! its not hard to carry shopping lovey'

Cue laughter.....

and me feeling stupid :(

but I have a family of 7!! and when i do the online shopping I start with five 2litre bottles of water!!

So how the hell am i supposed to get weekly shopping for 7 people, on the bus, with a one year old AND a 3 year old with me alone???

She made me feel really stupid and lazy but It just WOULD NOT be possible for me to get my shopping on the bus with my kids :(

OP posts:

Bucharest · 05/09/2012 12:10

G'wan, make my day. You were breastfeeding on one of them weren't you?

It's the only one you've not trotted out yet.

tell us more about the pram-on-bus. Where did you want to stow it?

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/09/2012 12:10

common not current

ViviPru · 05/09/2012 12:10

I think we need a picture on your profile providing photographic evidence of these encounters. Next time snarky old ladies are giving you grief on the tutty bus, get a quick snap will you?

slartybartfast · 05/09/2012 12:11

oh is this is what aibu is about?

Bucharest · 05/09/2012 12:12

I was very upset on a bus about 30 years ago when a pisshead was sick on my shoes.

I did a bit of tutting then I can tell you.

slartybartfast · 05/09/2012 12:13

i travel by bus but if i am early enough old women arent allowed to get on

Original poster

EverybodySayHumf · 05/09/2012 12:14

I said in 8 years I've had about 5 bad experiences, and yes maybe I'm not thick skinned, henced being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Maybe the things said to me (by these old ladies!!) would just wash over hardened people but I found it upsetting, so shoot me!!

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 12:15

OP, I think you're getting an unnecessarily harsh time on here.

You were upset and humiliated and described the person who upset and humiliated you. That is all.

If I were you, I'd leave the thread now.

In future, you'll just have to remember that all old people are a protected species

Bucharest · 05/09/2012 12:17

Not on Mumsnet they aren't.

YingTongIddleIPo · 05/09/2012 12:20

Some of you - Do you argue with your own reflection in the mirror?

How about a bit of support for Everybodysay - She's obviously had a time of things just doing her best.

Don't let it stop you going, everyone will have forgotten by next week.

Original poster

EverybodySayHumf · 05/09/2012 12:20

I'll take that advice Folkgirl, thankyou.

OP posts:

lurkedtoolong · 05/09/2012 12:21

OP, you're definitely getting a disproportionate amount of abuse here. Maybe it was, or maybe it wasn't, relevant that it was an old woman but blimey you'd think you had said you wanted to gun down all the pensioners in Britain.

Maybe the old woman is an evil MIL and this just part of her MO.... (there, that should get the baying mob back on side)

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 12:21

Iamnotamindreader · 05/09/2012 12:32

Seems like they do have a no excuses attitude there.

I think the age part of it comes into play because when this lady was a lot younger and at her peak of running around for her family the dynamics of the whole situation was different. Less cars certainly, however most shops were a lot closer and you could shop day to day or for a couple of days. Children for the most part went to the nearest school and were sent alone at a much earlier age than they are now. Children could go and do the shopping for the family themselves and often did. You couldn't let a 10 year old go to tesco with your cash card and expect a good result. The retail park is something which has come about in the last 30 years. More apects of our lives are designed around the car. In short she really doesn't have that much insight into how much things have changed for families.

PuppyMonkey · 05/09/2012 12:34

I also think the woman herself was probably using her advanced age as another stick to beat you with in front of all the other people.

"Look at me, I get the bus with my shopping and I'm a pensioner!!! And you can't even be arsed to do it at your age. You lazy bitch."

Is what it comes across as.

Therefore mentioning her age is relevant IMHO.

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 12:35

Exactly, Iam and the OP would have ended up revealing the woman's age eventually anyway. It is relevant for all the reasons you've given.

It's about what you infer from the information. It's just that on this occasion, a lot of people have made inferences about the OP rather than the rude woman who offended her.

NotGeoffVader · 05/09/2012 12:45

I imagine that she thought she was being humorous by implying that if SHE could do the shopping by using the bus, anyone could.

As a one-off, I think it's best to let it go. If she raises the issue again, calmly and politely mention that you have a family of 7 to shop for and that it is not possible to carry that much shopping (and children) on the bus.

Alternatively use the classic mumsnet 'Did you mean that to sound so rude?'

For the bus tutters - I wouldn't stand for it - I would just ask one of them nicely if there seemed to be a problem.

TroublesomeEx · 05/09/2012 12:49

Yes, and by doing so she was referencing her age as in "if I can do it, and at my age" but was unaware of the facts.

drjohnsonscat · 05/09/2012 12:57

I would have assumed she was laughing at herself - saying she gets up and promptly gets on the bus. ie, not exactly a massive workout!

You sound really over-sensitive. You are not stupid or lazy and someone you don't know can't make you feel stupid or lazy unless you let them.

higgle · 05/09/2012 13:05

YANBU to be upset by the comment. YABU to buy bottled water.

YingTongIddleIPo · 05/09/2012 13:09

She doesn't want anyone's opinion on buying bottled water.

Namechangegalore · 05/09/2012 13:17

I never get offended by old people. My Dad comes out with some things that I can only laugh at, but if he says the same thing to someone like my SiL she'll get all pissed off and take it to heart.

I don't know, but from my experience, old people say what they think and don't pussy foot around trying not to hurt people's feelings. I like that. You can get some very true and good advice from old people.

BalloonTwister · 05/09/2012 13:28

Hully - my nan got massively paranoid about smelling of wee as she got older. (She never did, she was very fastidious about personal hygiene). We used to tease her that buses had wipe down imitation leather seats because so many oap's used them.

Funny how it seems less amusing now, post dc and over forty! Suddenly my perception of how old 'old' is has changed by several decades!

bundle · 05/09/2012 13:41

I don't have a car and don't do online shopping, I have a trolley which i stock up on basics in at Lidl and then do other shopping as/when we need it

yabu about this lady's age, she was rude to you but the way you talked about her on here doesn't help your argument

RuleBritannia · 05/09/2012 13:41

Why do you buy so many bottles of water when you already pay to get it from a tap at home?

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