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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel bereft since my DS got married?

157 replies

GluttonDressedasLamb · 02/09/2012 23:06

I didnt expect to feel this way. DS has lived in a different country from me for 10 years, so Im used to him being away. He lived with his girlfriend for three years before marrying her, and I was fine with that, too.

But I cried all through his wedding service, and the tears are still welling when I think of it.

I am glad he found someone he loves, and who loves him, and yet I can`t stop crying Sad

Ive always got on well with his wife, and have no intention of morphing into the mother-in-law from hell, but I suppose I feel shes taken him from me, and where I am is no longer home. AIBU?

OP posts:
MammaTJisWearingGold · 02/09/2012 23:14

Aw,sweet. I have a 5 year old Ds and can imagine feeling the same!!

MagicHouse · 02/09/2012 23:15

You sound a bit lonely and a bit depressed :-( I don't think YABU to feel like you do, but it sounds like you need to find something in your own life to focus on.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/09/2012 23:20

YANBU to feel the way you do, there is no right or wrong when it comes to feelings. But crying though his wedding ceremony makes you sound completely unhinged, in the nicest possible way. I would have a huge problem with my mil if she'd done that.

Maybe you need to speak to a councellor or someone, because it's not rational to feel like your son has been taken away from you and you might benefit from some help to deal with these feelings.

MsVestibule · 02/09/2012 23:24

You cried all the way through his wedding service??? I hope his bride didn't notice! Or if she did, she thought they were tears of joy...

You can't help the way you feel of course, but is everything else in your life generally OK? Is he your only child? If it's any consolation, you sound as though you've done a good job with him - he's independent and found somebody to love and who loves him. What more could a mother ask for?

YouOldSlag · 02/09/2012 23:25

Outraged- of course it's normal to cry all the way through a wedding! it's not unhinged at all!

Crying at weddings= normal

OP YANBU. I will probably feel the same when my two DSs get married. You sound sane and reasonable and this is juts a big life change, so it's natural to feel emotional.

I am sure you are still very important to him. A man can have many wives (not at once) but only one Mum.

CoolaSchmoola · 02/09/2012 23:27

Crying at weddings = normal....

My MIL cried all the way through the REHEARSAL!!! Not so normal Grin

phlebas · 02/09/2012 23:28

bit mean to cry all through his wedding, your poor DIL :(

secretlyahippy · 02/09/2012 23:29

Oh bless, I think it has finally hit you that he's not your little boy anymore and that he's not going to be living at home with you again (unless of course he has an affair and she kicks him out!).

My youngest is a little boy aged 10 months and I love, love, love him (older dd's are loved just as much). I'm rubbish at being apart from him for an hour let alone one day seeing him move out!!!

Although, he is now married he might one day soon give you a another gorgeous boy to hold and you can relish being a granny. Imagine, a lovely little toddler who you can chase around the house and completely spoil with cuddles and too many sweets.

in the meantime if you want to babysit mine, please PM me

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 02/09/2012 23:30

where I am is no longer home.

Home is always home.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/09/2012 23:32

Happy tears are normal at weddings, sobbing because you don't want your adult child to have a home with anyone but you is not normal at weddings. There is a big, and very significant, difference.

secretlyahippy · 02/09/2012 23:33

Forgot to say YANBU as I've not posted in this forum before. Also, its completely normal and infact lovely that you cried at the wedding service. You are just a nice mum watching your little grown boy get married.

secretlyahippy · 02/09/2012 23:36

Actually, YANBU as long as you were having a quiet cry and not wailing louddly during the service shouting 'Noooooooooooo' after the significant bits...

Original poster
GluttonDressedasLamb · 02/09/2012 23:43

Thank you for your kind words YouOldSlag and secretlyahippy

I am not unhinged, unless I`m too unhinged to realise it? [ponders].

I did not give great, gasping, gulping sobs and tear my hair during the ceremony, just a discreet wiping of tears. DS and DIL had their backs to me anyway as they were busy getting married, not looking at me Grin

I think secretlyahippy hit the nail on the head - hes not my little boy anymore and wont live at home with me again.

But when DD got married I didn`t feel like this at all, and I love her just as much as DS!

OP posts:
secretlyahippy · 03/09/2012 00:14

I think its different for daughters, she's just marrying a bloke. You are still the alpha female in her her life. The relationship continues as mum to daughter, daughter to mum.

Your ds is marrying a woman and we all know how complicated they are .

SPsFanjoSponsoredByFemFresh · 03/09/2012 00:20
FelicitywasSarca · 03/09/2012 00:22

Mil is that you?

Did you cry through the rehearsal as well?

Don't worry he's currently asleep next to me.

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 03/09/2012 00:23

Now in a way, I can't wait for my DS's to get married - because as well as having my DS's, and my DD, I'll gain DIL's too! I see it as a net gain, not a loss.

Am I odd?

Original poster
GluttonDressedasLamb · 03/09/2012 00:33

Couthy - I felt when my DD got married that I was gaining a son, but what secretlyahippy says about being the alpha female is perfectly true, hence my feeling of loss.

I am presently comfort eating. Even feminist buns will be welcome...

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 03/09/2012 00:35

Is this my mil?

Original poster
GluttonDressedasLamb · 03/09/2012 00:36

No, Felicity, I`m not your MIL. Thank goodness Grin

OP posts:
chocohotopots · 03/09/2012 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FelicitywasSarca · 03/09/2012 00:49

Cheek! I'm nice me Grin

BackforGood · 03/09/2012 00:51

Did you cry when he started school / first left home / played his first match / first put on a suit and tie / started secondary / etc.,etc. ? If so, then you are clearly just a bit over emotional. If not, then that is far more worrying.

Original poster
GluttonDressedasLamb · 03/09/2012 00:57

Maybe Id feel the same as you <strong>choco</strong> if I only had sons. But as I have a DD ,I cant help comparing the difference in my reaction to having a DIL and having a SIL.

This makes me sound horrible. Im very confused, as Ive always got on well with DIL.

Maybe I`m a bit unsettled by the fact that my DM says she thinks DIL is very possessive with DS. Normally I would dismiss that as she (my DM) rarely has a good word to say about anyone, but at the wedding the best man (after a few drinks too many) said something similar, and another old friend of DS told my DS2 that DS1 has changed since he has been with DIL.

I think this is eating away at me Confused

OP posts:
NCForNow · 03/09/2012 01:00

Well does he phone you as often and things?