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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my daughter 'misbehave' in dance class?

346 replies

mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 11:53

My DD is an only child. 2.5 yrs old and is the only grandchild on both sides.

As such, everywhere we go, it's all about her as everyone dotes on her.

She isn't at nursery yet as me and DP managed to split childcare/work between us.

She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.

On one hand, I don't want to intervene, out of fear that I 'squash' her confidence. My thinking is that once she is at nursery with more structured play with other toddlers that she will come into line.

On the other hand, I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

WWYD? Leave her to it and cringe inwardly or become more involved and do some hovering?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/09/2012 13:51

why are you unable to tell a disruptive lassie to pipe down?
she sounds spoiled and you're choosing to ignore inappropriate behaviors
others pay for an activity and it's disrupted.take her out class til she can behave

Megatron · 01/09/2012 13:53

I took DD (not an only child) out of dance classes when she was around the same age. She just wasn't ready and was, quite frankly, a pain in the arse when she was there. I felt it was unfair to keep taking her when other people were paying for their children to go to class. Perhaps your wee girl just isn't ready yet. (Mine does karate now!)

KellyElly · 01/09/2012 13:53

Some of the post on here are unrealistic. A toddler is by nature ego centric and that is completely normal. She's a young child and her behaviour is completely normal. As others have said just speak to the teacher and see what she says. If its a class for very young children I'm sure its to be expected. If its a problem just take her to some other activity where she can mix with a bit more freedom to act her age and not be expected to have the same emotional maturity as an older child.

maybenow · 01/09/2012 13:54

I haven't been to toddler dance class before but I would imagine that parents interfering and repeating the teachers' instructions to their offsprint could be as bad as toddlers running riot.

The most important thing is to find out from the teachers if they'd like you to 'help' with your daughter more or if they'd prefer you to keep out of it and they'll decide whether your daughter's wandering attention is ok or not.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 01/09/2012 13:55

also I agree with Saggyoldclothcatpuss (page 2!)

She may be the centre of your world but to others she is just another kid.

My DD knows a girl who has always been spoilt by her parents and her extended family. No one ever says no to her and she gets her own way about everything, whether it inconveniences or affects anyone else or not. At nearly 8, she is a very unpopular child, who creates merry hell at school/parties/peoples houses if she cannot have her own way and other children won't do as she says.

I know it's nice, and cute that everyone dotes on a toddler, but you need to think of the bigger picture and try to make her into a child that people will warm to and want to be in the company of, for her own sake more than anyone's.

KellyElly · 01/09/2012 13:57

Oh little darling. You must absolutely let her run around, cause a nuisance and distract other kids. It's all about her after all < That is a horrible sarcastic post. Hate that shit about MN.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 01/09/2012 14:00

Yes. Like I said in my last post, all children develop at different speeds. The child isn't ready for the class. At the very least the OP needs to be intervening.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 01/09/2012 14:00

FGS just take the poor kid to soft play and let her enjoy herself!

EdithWeston · 01/09/2012 14:15

No problem with a toddler acting like a toddler.

Huge problem with toddler (who has only just reached the required minimum calendar age) disrupting a whole class who are developmentally ready for that activity - for it is developmental stage, not calendar age which counts here.

OP: your DD does not sound remotely ready for this class (regardless of the age grou for which it is advertised). It is simply not fair to the other children who are indeed ready to participate.

You really do need to find a different class; anything that your DD will not have the same problem with and does not find "boring". Something luckier and less structured would probably suit.

EdithWeston · 01/09/2012 14:18

"Oh little darling. You must absolutely let her run around, cause a nuisance and distract other kids. It's all about her after all < That is a horrible sarcastic post. Hate that shit about MN."

Actually, it's a typical AIBU post and it doesn't break the MN guidelines. If posters do not want to see AIBU replies, then I suggest they use the (many) other forums that MN offers where this would not be typical.

Gentleness · 01/09/2012 14:20

Some posters have mentioned this theory that toddlers are just toddlers. Yes. But being a toddler is not a simplistic, static stage. It's a transition, just like every other stage of life, and guidance on handling that transition/stage is invaluable at every age. Hence posters asking about everything from new mums to grandmas. Why on earth assume a toddler doesn't need some help moving ( at their own pace) towards more self-control? Growing up too fast is horrible, but delaying it by saying, "oh let him /her be wild" is just the other extreme.

WofflingOn · 01/09/2012 14:27

I presume this class is paid for?
So if it is, and I was the sort of parent who loved the spontaneity and gregarious nature of my beloved daughter and didn't want her spirit and self-confidence crushing by implementing anything as restrictive as a rule or two, or behavioural expectations that might bruise her delicate psyche, I'd let the teachers sort it out.
They are being paid to run the class, they should be setting out what they regard as acceptable behaviour and if other parents are annoyed, they can complain to the teachers and your poppet will either be defended by them, given boundaries or asked to leave.

WofflingOn · 01/09/2012 14:32

'She's definitely not 'horror child'. If she was I'd say.'

Not yet she isn't. Wait a few years... Grin

janey68 · 01/09/2012 14:34

Yabu- she's clearly bored or the class isnt appropriate so take her out and stop her from preventing other children from enjoying it

Kayano · 01/09/2012 14:37

Yabu

From an only child

Over indulging disruptive behaviour is only confirming for her that her way goes and it's all about her

LeeCoakley · 01/09/2012 14:51

It takes an experienced no-nonsense teacher to tell toddlers how to behave not just in front of the parent but in front of all the other parents! Op describes the teacher(s) as 'girls'. They will be expecting the parents to moderate their own child's behaviour I would think. It takes a brave person to overrule a mother indulging her child, especially as so many people seem to think that toddlers doing their own thing is accceptable. So I would ask what the teacher would like you to do op, as you've already suggested.

diddl · 01/09/2012 14:59

Of course she´s loving it-she´s doing as she wants!

She doesn´t sound ready yet as you put that she is running around trying to chat plus gets bored during the ballet bit.

Does she join in for any of it-could you take her just for that?

Or take her to something where the purpose is to run around & chat!

PooPooOnMars · 01/09/2012 15:01

Has no one else noticed that the class is a relaxed one? Or do most of the posters on here just take ballet for 2 year olds waaaaay too seriously!

Its balleeeet darrrling! You really must take it very seriously! Being 2 is no excuse when its balleeeet!

Hmm

Just ignore them op. There's a right bunch of idiots on this thread! They must be bored or something.

Francagoestohollywood · 01/09/2012 15:05

What Edam said.
Also, I hardly think that a dance class aimed at 2.5 yrs old is expected to be a haven of tranquility and serene physical expression...

LapisBlue · 01/09/2012 15:06

Oh dear, OP

Your post is one of those that people on Child-Free forums would get hold of with glee and rip to shreds...and in this case quite rightly, in my view, although I think that they're somewhat harsh, normally!

You'll be saying that you don't want to hinder her "creee ay tiv it tee" in a minute.

Particularly alarming was "it's all about her". As has been mentioned, your child is not the centre of the universe and not stopping her from disrupting a dance class for which she is clearly too young made me Shock.

Yes, you are being very unreasonable indeed.

WofflingOn · 01/09/2012 15:09

I still think that if the teachers are taking money from parents for this class, they should be the ones sorting out any problems.
OP, have any of the parents complained to you, sighed and rolled eyes, made pointed comments?
Or are they all smiling happily with 'Ahhh bless' expressions?

3littlefrogs · 01/09/2012 15:29

PooPooOnMars -
Did you mean to be so rude?

WofflingOn · 01/09/2012 15:33

Oh, I think she did!

BlackberryIce · 01/09/2012 15:34

Rude?

HandMadeTail · 01/09/2012 15:39

Speak to the teacher?