to let my daughter 'misbehave' in dance class?

[mrscumberbatch]

My DD is an only child. 2.5 yrs old and is the only grandchild on both sides.

As such, everywhere we go, it's all about her as everyone dotes on her.

She isn't at nursery yet as me and DP managed to split childcare/work between us.

She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.

On one hand, I don't want to intervene, out of fear that I 'squash' her confidence. My thinking is that once she is at nursery with more structured play with other toddlers that she will come into line.

On the other hand, I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

WWYD? Leave her to it and cringe inwardly or become more involved and do some hovering?

I would say that if she is the only child unable to concentrate, then she is not quite ready for the class yet.

I don't think she sounds like a demon that is pissing everyone else off though.

I don't think you have a problem with discipline OP...I think you are treating your daughter as the distracted toddler she is.

Thankyou, agreed she does need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her. This is something that we have been working on but obviously there's no change overnight!
It's difficult, because she is good at sharing and playing with her friends and is generally very patient. This is the first time that this has ever been an issue which is why I was not sure about how to approach it.

And IvanaNap. I think you may have hit the nail on the head re: the social aspect etc. I think your timeout idea might be great. Will run it past the class teacher to see what she thinks.

OP I think you are a terrible mother for introducing your child to a TODDLERS dance class when she clearly doesn't behave like an adult!! How positively AWFUL of you!!!

Haha OP i think you are worrying too much, it's not exactly the RLDA is it?
She will get the idea and hey, if you want to hiss from the sidelines then hiss, as long as the dance teacher doesn't mind.

You can probably gauge the other patents feeling from the looks they give, and it's a opportunity for your dd to learn about the world.

:)

You're welcome :)

I also have a touch of the sentimentals about me after watching the second half a Mamma Mia yesterday and the Mother/Daughter "Slipping Through My Fingers" bit; sniff

Nokidshere - just to clarify, when I wrote "it annoys me even when babies of that age are allowed to run wild" I didn't mean, run wild as in run around and be wild in general. I meant, when in a structured activity class when babies/toddlers are supposed to be following (albeit it roughly) the activities, but there is one toddler who is rubbing in circles around the room screeching, picking toys out of his mum's bag and throwing them, refusing to come back & sit down etc then that is "running wild" and that a child who behaves like that on a regular basis (not as a one-ofc toddler tantrum) should clearly be taken out of the classes and to somewhere more appropriate like soft play or a park.

You might still think that is "so sad" - you're entitled to your opinion if so but I just wanted to clarify that. I have an older DS who did "run wild" on a regular basis as a toddler. I didn't take him to activities where he would disrupt or annoy others because I know his attention just wasn't up to it.

She sounds like a typical toddler, my DD is 2.5 and loves music but there is no way she would sit still in a structured class. I won't be letting her do anything like this until she is at least 3/3.5 otherwise she would be running all over the place! My son was very different at 2.5 and could sit still much better but only for very short spells.

digestives There should be NO activities that require an 18 month old to "behave" - thats whats sad!

I used to get royally pissed off when a child just like your was left to her own devices in dd's ballet class. Dd was three when she started, so similar to this other girl (it was toddlers ballet group) and try as hard she as did, the instructor could not get mum/dad/grannt/aunt/uncle (yes, she used to come with an entourage) to understand that by letting her run amok she was wasting everyone's time.

We left in the end, over the course of 18mths it just became too irritating & dd would complain that the girls wouldn't do as she was told & ruined every lesson. So yeah, I definitely think YABU.

''digestives There should be NO activities that require an 18 month old to "behave" - thats whats sad! ''

My goodness why shouldn't a young child be able to behave in certain short activities. Flippin heck, it's no wonder my job as a teacher was impossible at times if this is the attitude of some parents. I find your comments sad.

I agree toddlers need to spend a lot of time running around and having fun but there is nothing wrong with short periods of structure. It's life!
I can see why many reception children I taught were unable to sit still for the few minutes we wanted them too in the first few weeks.

I think you need to speak to the teacher and ask what she normally does in cases like this. If she aims at a very young age group, your DD can't be the first one in her class that doesn't always concentrate.

I take DD to a singing/dancing group for pre-schoolers, and the people who lead the group prefer it if leave your child to be distracted than force them to join in, as it will only get them to dislike music. Toddlers regularly wander off to do their own thing, are sometimes gently pulled back in, but more often left to return in their own time. Parents tend to interfere only if their kids bother other children or are disruptive.

But that's their approach - you need to see what the expectations are for this dance group and deal with your DD accordingly.

I don't think it's a case of behaving or misbehaving, but more about being ready for it or not.

alphabite there is nothing wrong with getting a child to learn to sit still for a minute orr two, or to sit to eat or drink but 30 mins to an hour in a class is being unrealistic of most toddlers.

"short" periods to an 18 month old is minutes - not a structured class.

And its completely different to a child being disruptive in a rising 5's group and getting ready for school - and if you can't see the difference them maybe you should rethink your career choice!!!!

I don't think it's a case of behaving or misbehaving, but more about being ready for it or not.

I agree with this its all about what she or any toddler is ready for yes some are hung up on her being 'doted' on but I think her mum needs to just step in or take her out and put her to a class where she can wander about ,

I love posts like these where the OP flounces

OP she doesn't sound ready for the classes yet, so just find a more suitable activity until she is. You won't be worrying about whether her behaviour is appropriate and other parents won't be getting annoyed at your kid distracting theirs. Win-win.

What Pictish said. The doting grandparents are a side issue. your child isn't ready for the class. All children develop at their own pace. Some at her age may be able to manage it. It's no reflection on her that she isn't. Just take her out and try again in six months.
As for what NoKidsHere posted, what a load of rubbish. There's no reason at all that an 18mo can't have a bit of good behaviour in their life. Mine held my hand to cross the road, sat nicely at the table in company, didn't cover the walls with food, or poke their friends at that age. That's not to say that their life wasn't fun, just that there were fun times and also serious times. That's life.

I think you have to pick activities to suit your child, she's not ready for structured lessons yet and it's unfair to the other children and their parents (who are paying) to have their lesson disrupted by a toddler who isn't yet ready to take instruction. It's not like she's getting anything out of it.

She'd prefer an activity where she is run wild, climb and explore. Find one.

''digestives There should be NO activities that require an 18 month old to "behave" - thats whats sad! ''

So you're sticking by your above comment. Amazing. There is nothing wrong with a structured class for young children. Of course they won't concentrate for the whole time but yes they should be learning to behave and follow routines. Lacking concentration is NOT the same as bad behaviour. I actually think classes are great for children. They get to hear different voices as well as see and do things they might not get a chance to do at home. All great for child development.

As for my career choice, it is not of your business and you have no idea of how good a teacher I was.

and of course a toddler can sit down for a few minutes and take a little bit of structure ,

cough cough not flouncing per se. But was definitely peeved that folk seemed to be hankering for a fight angle that was not only irrelevant but pretty out of line.

Would be the same seeing a toddler having a wobbler in the supermarket and going up and telling the parent that 'You're doing this all wrong'. Tis twattery.

Anyhoo, like it's been remarked on before, it's a toddler class so it is for her age group etc and it is very laid back, she does enjoy the classes on the whole but seems bored during the ballet bits. I'm going to have a word with the girls that run it to see what they reckon or whether I'm being too critical about her behavior.

And just to make a point. DD is doted on, but I would think and hope that this was the same in most families. She is quite spoilt by my mother who believes that DD is the only reason that she is alive (birth coincided with her having a heart attack.), so we are quite vigilant with trying to balance everything out.

She's definitely not 'horror child'. If she was I'd say. (Or probably scream.)

Im really shocked that so many of the posters on this thread disagree with a toddler . . . erm . . . acting like a toddler!

As long as the teacher is fine with it then i wouldn't worry. Perhaps have a chat with them and see what they say.

A dance class at that age should be fun and i think it is perfectly normal for the toddlers to not act like little conforming robots.

alphabite Thank you.

nokids I am genuinely confused by your statement! If an 18 month old can't be involved in activities that require certain behaviour, how would you ever leave the house with that child?!

If I want to go out for lunch, my 18 month old will have to sit in a highchairs while we eat. If we visit friends, she will be expected to 'behave', as in, she will not be allowed to jump on furniture, throw their ornaments around or hit their cat. When we go to feed the ducks, she can stand at the edge of the water but not too jump into the water. She has to hold an adults hand when near to a road. In the park, is expected to go down the slide rather than up it and to take turns. At playgroup she is not allowed to bite and hit other toddlers if they take a toy from her. I could go on...

"Behaving" during these activities is not something that happens instantly and we have obviously had mishaps along the way (especially re: biting people ). But the point is, these are all activities that we do together on a regular basis and yes, she is expected to behave.

The particular music group I mentioned is less than half an hour long. The other activities are age-appropriate - relatively short vists to friends, child-friendly cafes, not going to playgroups at times when she will be tired abs hungry.

The idea of 'behaving' can be introduced at an early age, I think it makes it a lot easier for the child that waiting until they are pre-school age and then magically expecting them to fit in and follow rules.

(Sorry OP, not directed at you, just responding to another poster!)

Agree asking the teacher is sensible - she's the only one who can judge whether your dd's behaviour in class is OK and manageable or not. No-one here has been to the class and plenty of the more aggressive posters are thinking about experiences they have had and transferring that onto your dd. Who may well be a delightful child who is no more disruptive than anyone else of her age.

I think that your description of it being 'all about her' probably means that she is fairly spoilt with no, or very few, boundaries. Although it's normal for a 2.5 year old to not want to sit down and do as they are told, I think that you need to start instilling boundaries now. She is old enough to start learning that if she doesn't do as she is told, then she will have to leave the dance lesson. I bet if you took her home one lesson when she wouldn't do as the teacher says she would be better the next week. Little ones learn things very quickly!

As for what NoKidsHere posted, what a load of rubbish. There's no reason at all that an 18mo can't have a bit of good behaviour in their life. Mine held my hand to cross the road, sat nicely at the table in company, didn't cover the walls with food, or poke their friends at that age. That's not to say that their life wasn't fun, just that there were fun times and also serious times. That's life.

of course they did - but not consistantly, or without cajoling and guidance. without being told to or told off when they didn't? You cannot put an 18 month old into a structured class and expect them to do nothing but do as they are told for more than a few minutes - and anyone who says their child absolutely did so is lying!

At this age its about learning the rules - not knowing and sticking to them. Unrealistic expectations of children and their development is what makes all these threads about mums feeling guilty and inferior when their "normal" child doesn't do what other people percieve theirs to be able to do.

My own children have bounderies, and yes they did at 18 months - but they were geared toward their age and development, not some inflated view of perfect parenting and high expectations.