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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let my daughter 'misbehave' in dance class?

346 replies

mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 11:53

My DD is an only child. 2.5 yrs old and is the only grandchild on both sides.

As such, everywhere we go, it's all about her as everyone dotes on her.

She isn't at nursery yet as me and DP managed to split childcare/work between us.

She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.

On one hand, I don't want to intervene, out of fear that I 'squash' her confidence. My thinking is that once she is at nursery with more structured play with other toddlers that she will come into line.

On the other hand, I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

WWYD? Leave her to it and cringe inwardly or become more involved and do some hovering?

OP posts:
WofflingOn · 01/09/2012 15:40

'Just ignore them op. There's a right bunch of idiots on this thread! They must be bored or something.'

That sort of rude.

Would it be rude to say that calling any dance class for 2 year olds 'ballet class' rather pretentious?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 01/09/2012 15:41

Some posters are always full of shit I find threads like this very useful for updating my twatspreadsheet.

LapisBlue · 01/09/2012 15:43

The OP asked if she was being unreasonable in a post which was so utterly ridiculous I thought it was a wind up, and many people said "yes". Don't see the issue here really.

PooPooOnMars · 01/09/2012 15:45

It was more an observation but i am perfectly happy to come across as rude [shrugs]

AllPastYears · 01/09/2012 15:51

I agree that the teacher should be sorting it out. My DD at around 2.5 tried a ballet class. The other (slightly older) girls chatted to her, and the teacher just said rather ineffectually, to no-one in particular, that DD needed to learn to be quiet - well why not just tell her so then, teacher Hmm and in any case it was the other children chatting. Point is, I wouldn't have intervened during the class, whoever's fault it was, as I felt it would undermine the teacher and result in DD paying attention to me not the teacher. Teacher could have spoken to ma afterwards but didn't.

I didn't go back, as I thought the teacher had no skills in getting the girls' attention, and other aspects of the class were completely disorganised, e.g. pay on the day which took up 10min of a half hour class...

AllPastYears · 01/09/2012 15:51

me not ma....

kilmuir · 01/09/2012 15:54

By wlful you mean a spoilt brat

LapisBlue · 01/09/2012 15:58

Don't get this.

People are paying for a dance class for their offspring.

One child (apparently), way too young to be there runs around disrupting everyone, probably spoiling things for others.

NOBODY disciplines her.

NOBODY says anything, least of all her Mother.

Has the world gone slightly mad?

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 16:39

I can't believe I've come home and this is still going.

FIRSTLY: As I have already stated. My daughters behaviour is usually fine. If not better than most. She enjoys the majority of her dancing class but not the ballet element and can sometimes be easily distracted.

How anyone can take from that 'My DD is an undisciplined harridan who is running amok in this class with no input from myself, her parent.' is beyond me.

I know that I am quite a strict disciplinarian. I am also not a fucking mutant and so wouldn't let her 'spoil' things for others.

You have taken a thread about a small child's behaviour in one circumstance and turned into how bad a parent I am, and how spoilt my DD is when you know nothing about either of us.

And Lapis, I gather you're late to this but 1) The group is for her age range
2) She is not wholly disruptive, just not interested during certain elements of the class. 3) She is disciplined by myself. 4) Nobody has said anything about it to me. I have spoken to her. But have you ever had a conversation with a toddler??????

Mumsnet is turning into netmums. This thread is just an example of snipey bitchiness. So you can all get fucked Grin

Oh sorry, was that rude? Deary me.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 01/09/2012 16:45

You sound delightful op Hmm
Not

InkyBinky · 01/09/2012 16:48

I think you didn't phase your opening post very well. You said she misbehaves in her dance class and people have responded to that with a fairly resounding 'no you shouldn't let her misbehave in class'. Seems reasonable to me.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 01/09/2012 16:53

Well you posted in AIBU! What did you expect? A pat on the back and a cupcake? Hmm

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 16:53

Actually couldn't give a fuck Blackberry.

InkyBinky. Quite possibly. That's cut and dried. What I was really hoping for was for a bit of info on whether anyone had dealt with similar and whether they dealt with it via getting really involved or whether they left it to the group leader. I don't really want to step on their toes as they might not see it as an issue and sometimes having parents getting involved can be even more disruptive.
FWIW I'm going to have a quick word with them next week before class just to see what they think. They are very fond of her and she does well with disco and tap.

OP posts:
BlackberryIce · 01/09/2012 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 16:59

ROFL

OP posts:
Feminine · 01/09/2012 17:02

Wow...this thread is totally bonkers.

op has made a totally eloquent post, with a genuine question ...backed up with her family situation.

Why she got such abuse is puzzling Confused

op I wouldn't worry about your DD. Talk to the leaders of the class and see if anything needs to be worked on.

You sound like one of the most well balanced Mums on here :)

OhChristFENTON · 01/09/2012 17:03

There's a lot of it about today.

LapisBlue · 01/09/2012 17:04

OP, you didn't ask for a "bit of info". Specifically you asked "WWYD" on an "Am I being unreasonable" page.

You were told what other people would do.

You were also informed, for the most part, that yes, you were being unreasonable in effect doing nothing to discipline your child.

You "couldn't give a fuck" - which, perhaps explains many things, not least why entitled mums like you get a rough ride by others in this Forum.

Your first post quite frankly, sounds horrendous. But I guess that you "couldn't give a fuck". Your poor little girl.

LapisBlue · 01/09/2012 17:05

And no...you're not "ROFL"...are you?

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 17:08

Not only was I told what people would do, I was also told that my DD is spoiled and that in effect I am a terrible parent. Which is shoddy.

I couldn't give a fuck about what some nonentity on the internet thinks of me. I don't believe that make me 'entitled'.

And feel sorry for DD if you want. But there's no need. Ta muchly.

OP posts:
Megatron · 01/09/2012 17:09

I think there must be something wrong with my eyes. I can't for the life of me work out how the OP's posts have led to accusations of poor parenting and the child being one of those children.

There are loads of posts of MN which can be easily misunderstood but this is one of those thread where people seem to be almost deliberately 'misunderstanding' in order to just have a go. Poor form.

Ladylazarus2 · 01/09/2012 17:09

I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

If your DD is the only one in the class misbehaving, then that says something. At toddler stage it says that the child is not ready for the activity IME.

Your posts have backtracked somewhat OP, and I see the reasons for that on the thread. At first your DD was "prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.". In the later stages of this thread, you say "My daughters behaviour is usually fine. If not better than most. She enjoys the majority of her dancing class but not the ballet element and can sometimes be easily distracted."

Either she is continuously disruptive or she isn't. Which is it, OP? Because if she is continuously disruptive then you owe it to the other parents to take her out. If she is just having difficulty during one segment, then you can remove her for that segment.

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 17:10

No, I'm not really ROFLing. Just the same as most people on the internet aren't actually ROFLing, LOLing or LMAOing.

I am now actually WTFing though.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 01/09/2012 17:15

LadyLazarus, fair point. She is not continuously disruptive. I was just home from her class and felt stressed out by it all.
Given that she wasn't on good form participating during the ballet segment, I was then waiting for something to go wrong after that. On tenterhooks ifyswim.

Her behaviour in general, is fine. And better than most. Which I specified in reply to posts saying that she was spoiled and a brat- which is totally unfounded and a cruel thing to say about a child that you have never known nor met.

There are a couple of other children that have a bit of a giggle at times and roll around. (They're 2.5 yrs old! It's normal.) But DD is a bit louder, and of course she is my child so I am going to notice every time she steps even a teeny bit out of line.

OP posts:
BillyBollyBandy · 01/09/2012 17:19

I heart you mrscumberbatch, even if you do have a dodgy taste in men (from your nickname not your dp Grin)

You sound lucid, calm and thoughtful. Many of the other posters on this thread sound a bit nutty tbh.