to let my daughter 'misbehave' in dance class?

[mrscumberbatch]

My DD is an only child. 2.5 yrs old and is the only grandchild on both sides.

As such, everywhere we go, it's all about her as everyone dotes on her.

She isn't at nursery yet as me and DP managed to split childcare/work between us.

She has not long started dance classes (tap,ballet,disco.) And she is loving it, but is prone to getting distracted and running around the class and trying to chat to the other toddlers. She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing.

On one hand, I don't want to intervene, out of fear that I 'squash' her confidence. My thinking is that once she is at nursery with more structured play with other toddlers that she will come into line.

On the other hand, I hate being the only one in the class with a noticeably willful toddler.

WWYD? Leave her to it and cringe inwardly or become more involved and do some hovering?

sirboobalotIt is a dance class for 2.5 yrs and up and they aren't strict in the slightest which is why I thought that this would suit her. It is quite laid back.

Obviously if she was holding the class back or pestering other children I do intervene. I just don't hover over her.

She's definitely not bored with it as she is excited about going and practices routines at home.

And exitstencilist what a shitty thing to say. No, ' I don't want to squash her confidence' means exactly that.

Blackberry I included the 'it's all about her' background as I thought it was relevant. I think it's quite normal toddler behaviour for an only child.

I do take her out with her wee friends as often as possible, it's not as often as I'd like though as where we live everybody seems to work full time so it's tough trying to arrange playdates. I can't enrol her in playgroup as she starts nursery in Nov and they won't let me pay for only part of a term.

I tried taking DD to a dance class a few months ago and she was much, much more interested in the rolled up carpet in the corner.

However, she loved this one if there is one near you

Diddi Dance

Oh god! You sound like you are in danger of becoming one of those mothers. Everyone in your family may think she is the best thing since sliced bread. To others, she's just another kid. She's being disruptive, and there are probably more than a few parents at the class getting annoyed. This behaviour, isn't cute. She isn't expressing herself, she is making a nuisance of herself. She obviously is too young. Take her out of the class and take her to soft play. Or put her in nursery. It's not sympathetic parenting to raise your children without discipline. It's bloody annoying.

I would be annoyed if my child was attending the class and yours was disrupting it, especially if you did nothing to stop it
We had a similar problem at swimming, we had some twins who quiet clearly didn't want to be there, were scared and uninterested. Mum basically ignored them, or would say 'come on get in' or other useless phrases and then would leave the teacher to sort them out.
This went on for about 10weeks while the rest of the children barely got any attention. In the end she left, after that the class wad great and they learnt loads.

Why not have a word with the dance teacher and ask her how she would like you to handle things when DD started to wander off and chat?

She may prefer you to continue as you are, or maybe would prefer to have your involved in be happy to have you redirect your DD when she starts distracting the other children.

She can also advise if it is fine for her to run around doing her own thing, and if it is a problem when she talks to the other children.

Dance classes for very young children work on the basis that not all the children will be concentrating all of the time. Ask the teacher what she would like you to do, say you've noticed your dd is running around at X time, would it help if you took her out or would the teacher prefer to manage it herself.

Usually the prerequisite for attending the class is to sit down when told, listen to instructions, and make some attempt to follow them. If she is doing that most of the time, fine, if she is running around most of the time. she's not doing the class anyway.

Ask the teacher if there's a problem, they are experienced and will tell you what they prefer.

its not at all a shitty thing to say! You question was all about how you don't discipline your child, so it wasn't much of a leap, really.

What saggy said. With bells on.

Do you discipline her.... Ever? Has she ever heard the word 'no' said with conviction?

If the other toddlers can behave then so could yours. Believe it or not, the other mothers arent thinking "oh how cute", they are thinking "why doesnt she control that little brat?"

Sorry but there it is.

A spoilt indulged child will not make many friends and neither will you! Take her out of the class for 6 months and try again.

Lmfao, there's plenty of discipline in our household thanks. And I am absolutely not one of 'those' mothers'.

I am totally aware that she is just one child of many in our area, but with relatives etc and being the only child in an entire extended family who dote on her, I think it would be difficult for her to have a great understanding at the age of 2.5 that the world doesn't revolve around her. Would that not be quite a fair summation?

I actually thought that I presented quite a balanced OP, did not for a minute think that my ability to discipline my child would come into question. That's pretty shitty behaviour
"Oh I read that your DD doesn't behave perfectly in dance class- you must be a TERRIBLE parent".

My DD is an only child and she didn't behave like that when she was a toddler, please don't play the Only Child card as the reason she behaves like this

Sassy

It is lovely that she is so sociable but there are other settings where she can develop this, and considering she is the only one behaving like this I think i would be fairer to the others to perhaps stop this activity until she is older and can fall into line with the class.

What saggy and bogey said. With bells on.

blimey that was quite a big x-post of mine, apologies.

In your household....but not at dance class.

And no, not all "Onlys" are like this, that is a ridiculous thing to stay and only perpetuates the myths of onlies being spoiled and getting their own way. Talk to the teacher, and set some boundaries for your child. She isnt going to be crushed by you saying no or stop that.

"If the other toddlers can behave then so could yours."

Err.. not sure this is exactly how it works with two year olds, bogey

I don't think 2 is too young to begin to understand ' time and place ' - in fact, the earlier the better as it may take years! I'm not sure if you meant to imply nursery would just sort it out for you, but even if nursery makes a huge difference, I'd rather be the one teaching and modelling self-control and considering others so it's part of our relationship for the future.

Its not at all shitty to question your discipline or lack thereof, because it really does sound like you dont want to discipline her properly.

AIBU?
Yes.
NO I'M NOT!

And it isnt normal behaviour for toddler who is appropriately taught that actually, no they are not the centre of the universe.

She's definitely not bored with it as she is excited about going and practices routines at home

She also gets bored during the quiet ballet part and does her own thing

So here is the summation of the thread....

Mrsc AIBU??

Everyone YES!!!

MrsC No I am not, you are all mean mean mean!!!!!

LOl at this thread!

She is 2.5 years old - thats what they do. Contrary to whatt everyone is saying 2.5 year olds do not have great attention spans. Whether they are only children or not.

You dont say what the teachers reaction to this is? Its her class and she should be the one to say how she wants you to handle it. If she hasn't asked you to remove the child then the chances are that she is totally used to it and is not concerned about your childs behaviour yet.

But if you are worried about it then ask her.