About tipping in America

[AnnaLiza]

I was in LA last week and decided to get a haircut so I went to a salon near the hotel which had good reviews. The owner was the sole hairdresser and did a decent job at cutting my hair but it was by no means the best haircut I've ever had. Anyway, when I was paying ($85) his secretary asked "so are you leaving a tip for Nico today?". I must have gone purple as I was not expecting that...I then said "I don't think it's necessary" and hurried out as quick as I could, feeling like the meanest person ever, which I'm not at all.
I can just about undertstand tipping the waiter when there's no national minimum and they rely on tips for a living...but what's the justification for asking for a tip when you're a professional who charges $85 for a haircut? I find it very rude to be asked for money and then made to feel like shit for not forking out more. If you think $85 is not enough then just charge more and let people decide if they want to pay for your services.
Am I missing something?

I hate all this tipping is compulsory nonsense.

A tip should be like a gift, if you feel you had special service and want to show your appreciation of it you can slip a little extra to the service provider, be that a taxi driver, hairdresser, pizza delivery man, whatever.

I personally try not to feel obliged to tip or guilty if I don't.

My hairdresser gets tips from me on occasion. It often depends on what change I have on me and whether I feel flush or not.

But i absolutely refuse to feel I should.

That said, I have always tipped in America because I am aware that that is the culture there.

But the cheekiness of some of these is unbelievable - chading people down the street and asking how much you are going to tip. I'm afraid this would bring out my stubborn streak and I would not be bullied into tipping anything in that circumstance [however embarrassing it might be for my travel companions!]

I'm American and a former waitress. Let me explain some of the math and why servers do get upset when people don't tip.

I used to make $2.60/hour, that was less than half minimum wage (and in one of the country's most expensive cities to live in).

I didn't even see that paltry $2.60 though, it went straight to paying the equivalent of my PAYE/National Insurance contributions. Every paycheck I got was for $0.00.

So really, my only income was tips. Of the tips I received, I had to pay out 20% to other staff (like the bartenders).

The government taxed me on the assumption that every night I received tips equivalent to 12.5% of my total sales. It didn't matter whether I actually received that amount or not.

I do understand why people resent having to help pay our wages. I think it's probably less annoying than having to pay $20 for a burger though, which is what would happen if servers were all paid living wages instead. Restaurants/bars almost always operate on very thin profit margins. If you think about having to pay, say, ten staff a night (for a smallish place) double their usual wages, of course prices would go up a lot.

Oh and please remember that unlike in the UK, most US servers will not have access to cheap healthcare, sick days, or any other benefits.

I have a question for those who have experienced people calling or running after them for the tip.

Do you think it happened because they knew or could hear from your accent that you are not from there or that you are clearly a tourist?

Because as much it is somehow rude and wrong not to tip, I truly don't know Americans to be so obnoxious about it.

I have lived almost a decade in the U.S. and have an American daughter and family and friends all over the country in various states.
I myself speak English with an American accent, and am neither American nor a Brit. And I do know that other American sometimes only tip 1 cent to show their disgust and anger, or lots of them only give ten percent as they were unhappy with the service and the food etc.
I know of lots of people unhappy with the food or service, and they then demand to have items taken off the bill or not pay at all etc.
(And by the way I have done all of the above myself, too)

So, I am wondering as some Americans here shared with us what bad reputation Europeans have over there in terms of 'stinginess', if that also invites some of them to be so obnoxious about it. I am not sure, I hope my post makes sense.

dreaming all you've shared is another great example for why living in the U.S. is not necessarily that great

I was in Planet Hollywood at Picadilly Circus. Had a rubbish, overpriced meal. The service was terrible- 5 different servers, smashed glass at nearby table no one bothered to clear up, long wait, no smile, child's drink came in a glass full to the brim, with ice, no straw. It was a bad experience overall.

When the bill came I didn't add a tip. The waitress actually came back to my table and interrogated me as to why I hadn't tipped!!! She was very perplexed and said she would have to get her manager so I could explain to him why I wasn't tipping! I waited, amazed for a couple of mins but then left in disbelief.

Word of caution- don't go to planet Hollywood!

Margery I am stunned to hear all these examples of being bullied to tip. I posted my question about this above. I believe every word and yet I am so surprised as this is sort of a no-go

worldcitizen - yes, last time I was in NY I (twice) had waitresses remind me how important it was to tip. undoubtedly because of my accent.

I would say running after people and demanding a tip is extremely bad form, and in most places that server would be fired.

It does happen though, I think usually when a server just sort of 'snaps'. Maybe they are really desperate for their rent money, maybe you're the 10th person to stiff them that night, and they just snap (not to excuse it!)

I have only asked about the tip once and it was only when very obviously one member of a big table pocketed the money everyone else had left for my tip, for himself. I felt that was okay because he was essentially stealing from them! It turned out he had been doing this for years.

I do think you are more likely to be asked about the tip if you are obviously foreign. I'm sorry to say that non-Americans almost universally did not tip, which especially on a big bill can represent a huge chunk of your daily wage. In a nice place, for example, you might only have six tables a night, if one or two or them don't tip it's disastrous.

My American hairdresser said that I should not tip him as he is also the owner. And if he wants more money, he can just raise the prices. But he's been in Europe for the past 10 years, so maybe things have changed..

I absolutely hate the compulsory tipping as well, especially how it spreads to other countries where it's not customary. Waiters etc should be paid a decent salary and tipping should remain an optional extra.

Britain is not the same as the US. If you don't know the culture of tipping there you are being really rude and very ignorant, whether you like the culture or not. Dreamingbohemian sums up the issue very well. If you travel you should educate yourself about the place; especially customs on tipping - in some places its extremely rude to tip. Its basic manners. LA is particularly bad for tipping everything as it has a high cost of living. This is well known, so I've no idea why the OP is surprised when it happens when she gets a haircut.

The trouble is the British have a reputation of not tipping so often get poor service in the US as a result. Which really pisses me off and it means other people suffer for the ignorance of people who don't understand the customs. I would imagine that the OP was 'asked' about the tip for this reason... it was a reminder of the custom.

If you get poor service in the US you leave a nickel or a dim. Its not compulsory to tip. But leaving nothing at all just makes you look completely ignorant.

I hate the tipping culture in the US. I find it so awkward. But when in Rome...

No idea whether it was because of my accent but we had bought the drinks, drank them and as we went to leave, someone at the bar yelled that we hadn't tipped so some blokes came and stood in our way and immediately started being threatening. We managed to get past them and they chased us out the door. I was absolutely stunned! My DB is American and he said it does happen occasionally but fortunately few and far between and I should remember to tip in future. Thanks DB!

I agree when in Rome but in our case we genuinely forgot. Had someone politely pointed out whether we were aware of the custom they'd have got their $2. I'm not certain that $2 was worth threatening 2 women over... Although you can bet I wont forget again!

HmmThinking
if you travel you should educate yourself about the place; especially customs on tipping - in some places its extremely rude to tip. Its basic manners

ha ha ha that makes me laugh so hard, as I totally agree with you and yet seriously doubt that this is what could be expected of people who spend their money and travel for their own personal reasons and not to participate in culture and customs exchange. it is the job also of the host to make their irritation obvious in a non-obvious way.

I would imagine that the OP was 'asked' about the tip for this reason... it was a reminder of the custom

It's not that this custom, is one which hurts feelings (national/cultural), say as much as not showing your naked breast on a beach, as then a 'reminder' would be more appropriate

I don't think YABU, because it was the salon owner.

I hate compulsory tipping culture and can see the creep to the UK starting. In Edinburgh, a taxi driver would be pleasantly surprised by a tip, but in London I had one cursing me out for not tipping. I had pretty good reasons & he was roundly told to fuck off, but I was at him actually swearing in the street.

HmmThinking

Britain is not same as the U.S.

I'd say the way these matters are handled in Britain are way more similar to how it's customary in many other countries, and the sentiment expressed here by Brits is makes much more sense to many other folks from other cultures and nations, and the U.S. way is really more 'unique'.

And there is a way and maybe a certain charm should accompany those 'reminders'

I agree with the 'When in Rome' aspect to be honest. However, I'd have never have thought to leave a 1% 'tip' to show disgust for poor service if I hadn't been on here. This is why I like MN for cultural education purposes

I was genuinely surprised because I thought tipping was due whenever the person would otherwise not make a decent living due to poor pay not when he's charging $85 for a haircut. For example I often leave a few dollars to Starbucks staff in the jar at the till and I'm amazed that tipping is not expected in those circumstances.

It's a tipping culture, sorry.

You wouldn't go to Marrakech and refuse to haggle - don't go to the USA and refuse to tip. It's rude.

I grew up in the USA and you don't tip bagboys!

Also - what dreamingbohemian says x100.

It does vary state to state. In Missouri IME it's not as ingrained as elsewhere. This may be to do with the fact that minimum wage has to be made up by the company if enough isn't earnt from tips.

I j,ust feel sorry for the bag boys.

Differences have less to do with customs being different by states, as even in St. Louis, Missouri it is done very much the same way (ime) like in any other busy university town everywhere else.
I believe the differences are rather regional differences such as touristy, cosmopolitan, large cities, smaller towns, being a local or not etc.

True, it's probably a rural/city split as well. The bars we used to go to were places you wouldn't realise were bars unless you were local.

And actually, to turn it round a bit, the most irate person I've seen in a tipping situation is a customer who I wouldn't accept a tip from! We weren't allowed to accept cash tips of more than a dollar or two and he wanted to give $100! The explanation that he had to tip via the front desk was taken as a personal insult.