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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About tipping in America

330 replies

AnnaLiza · 30/08/2012 20:52

I was in LA last week and decided to get a haircut so I went to a salon near the hotel which had good reviews. The owner was the sole hairdresser and did a decent job at cutting my hair but it was by no means the best haircut I've ever had. Anyway, when I was paying ($85) his secretary asked "so are you leaving a tip for Nico today?". I must have gone purple as I was not expecting that...I then said "I don't think it's necessary" and hurried out as quick as I could, feeling like the meanest person ever, which I'm not at all.
I can just about undertstand tipping the waiter when there's no national minimum and they rely on tips for a living...but what's the justification for asking for a tip when you're a professional who charges $85 for a haircut? I find it very rude to be asked for money and then made to feel like shit for not forking out more. If you think $85 is not enough then just charge more and let people decide if they want to pay for your services.
Am I missing something?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/08/2012 21:55

you don't tip staff in fast food joints. Starbucks, Taco Time et al have tip jars here.

ChaoticismyLife · 30/08/2012 21:57

There's a Chinese restaurant that I go to occasionally that have a service charge. I usually add a little extra to this because the service is excellent. However, I wouldn't tip for bad service. Why should I 'reward' someone for doing their job badly

CrapBag · 30/08/2012 22:02

God I loathe tipping. Just charge what you want and be happy with it.

TheCrackFox · 30/08/2012 22:03

In the uk I absolutely refuse to pay a service charge and make them take it off the bill and then leave a cash tip. Most service charges, IME anyway, are just funnelled off to bump up the profits and never into the staff's pockets.

Nymia · 30/08/2012 22:04

Tipping is expected in the US - they say if you don't want to pay 15-20% on top of the menu prices you should consider staying at home!

Service staff, as has been pointed out above, are taxed on presumed tips. So if you don't leave one, or leave a small one, they are paying to wait on you. I think the minimum wage for servers in some states is below $3 per hour.

Personally, I think it's extremely rude to go to another country and refuse to pay for service, or pay less because of your principles. You should make yourself aware of the etiquette and local customs beforehand, and behave appropriately. You're not teaching the establishment a lesson by tipping 5%; you're taking your ignorance and self-righteousness out on the poor sap who happens to be your waiter today.

Tipping is a mandatory cost of going out in the US, just like food and drink. If someone travelled here and refused to pay full price for their meals just because it costs less back home, that nationality would get a very poor name abroad for tightness. Europeans do tend to get worse service in some places in the US precisely because of the reputation for stinginess.

wentshopping · 30/08/2012 22:05

napa here in Texas I have never seen people tipping the bag packers at the checkout, but I have noticed tips being handed out when they take the groceries out to your car and load them inside. The first few times I took the bag packer up on their offer to help me out to the car (in my defence, with 3 small children hanging off the trolley), there was an awkward pause as I thanked them for being kind, not realising they were hanging around for a tip. Kids are older now, and I know they are not just being kind, so I politely decline the offer of help. Now if I could just get them to stop packing the bags all wrong...

OhTheConfusion · 30/08/2012 22:09

I tip my hairdresser and the junior who washes my hair (in UK). I just assumed everyone did .

I tend to tip 10-20% on average depending on the service but I do not leave a tip if the service is poor.

worldcitizen · 30/08/2012 22:10

nymia your post is great, too.

TheCrackFox or someone else please.Can you do that in The UK, asking about the service charge being taken off the bill???

RightFedUp · 30/08/2012 22:21

You can have the optional service charge removed. I don't know about the charge for large groups though.

Catandthecream · 30/08/2012 22:21

So what is expected by a hairdresser in the UK? I have tipped a couple times over the years as my husband (British) does but a few people then said they don't. I'm from New Zealand and tipping was unheard of, even in restaurants when I was growing up ( not sure what the case now as been in UK 14 years).

Anyway I no longer tip hairdresser as it just feels wrong to me, I pay enough for the 'service'. If you tip hairdresser, what about beautician, sainsburys or pizza delivery person?

AKissIsNotAContract · 30/08/2012 22:24

I would tip a beautician and a pizza delivery person.

GWenlockMaryLacey · 30/08/2012 22:25

I am taking DD1 (4) for her first ever haircut tomorrow. I haven't been into a hairdressers in 20 years at least. Am I supposed to tip and how much? SIL who uses the same hairdresser says the cut is about £8.

AKissIsNotAContract · 30/08/2012 22:32

If the cut is £8 I'd give a tenner

tartyflette · 30/08/2012 22:33

Yes, I think you can ask for a service charge to be removed, if you're brave enough, it is usually optional. And it's a good way of ensuring that the waiting staff do actually receive any tip you want to leave. As others have pointed out, far too often the restaurant just pockets it.

The 'Independent' magazine started a campaign against the practice (of including a service charge but not passing it on to staff) some time ago, now their weekly restaurant review always includes a note on the establishment's tipping policy, saying something like 'all tips go to staff.'

SrirachaGirl · 30/08/2012 22:36

The official "rule" according to Cosmo is to tip your hairdresser 20% unless it's the salon owner, in which case you are not obliged to tip. However, I think that if the owner is the only hairdresser, then you would disregard the rule and tip merrily?

worldcitizen · 30/08/2012 22:37

That's good to know. Yes, I would be brave enough as I would then give the staff the amount in cash. I wouldn't feel embarrassed then.

Changebagsandgladrags · 30/08/2012 22:37

I had a waitress follow me out of a place in LA and ask me for the tip.

I told that maybe if she did some actual waiting on tables, rather than me having to go get my own sauce and shit, that maybe then she might get a tip. I said she should bloody tip me.

My friend was mortified...

tartyflette · 30/08/2012 22:37

Nymia, some service staff in the UK like hairdressers, taxi drivers and waiters are also taxed on presumed tips! That does not mean punters are obliged to leave one.

worldcitizen · 30/08/2012 22:39

change this is hilarious!!!!!

IdPreferNot · 30/08/2012 22:39

Now, the hairdresser is an interesting one. It was customary for ages in the US to tip all hairdressers EXCEPT for the salon owner. This idea is still kicking around, so the owner won't necessarily accept a tip, and may even turn you down. Still, best to err on the side of offering, and almost always it will be accepted. If it's someone you intend to go back to, I'd ask him or her outright.

As the receptionist outright asked you, clearly it was expected in this case. But you were within your rights to refuse and even be surprised to have been asked (given the salon owner rule).

And those bag-carriers never accept tips, even though they are clearly far more entitled to one than the guy charging $85 for a haircut. It all makes no sense.

Wiggypigs · 30/08/2012 22:42

When I went to America a guy who blew a whistle to get a taxi to drive 10ft to us expected a tip! What a joke! His job wasn't even needed seeing as we were right by a taxi rank. I hate being made to feel like you need to leave a tip.

Lilka · 30/08/2012 22:43

I tip the hairdresser (UK), anywhere from 10-20% depending on the cost and what I've got in my purse at the time

TheCraicDealer · 30/08/2012 22:44

A poster on here once pointed out that it's only customary to tip those who we deem to be "serving" us- so doing something like serving us food, driving us around, cutting our hair. But we wouldn't even think about passing our doctor or accountant an extra fiver to say thanks.

The poor wage argument doesn't cut much ice- I've worked some pretty badly paid jobs but because they aren't on the list of jobs where tips are customary I've never been in a position to receive them. I'd also assume that when businesses are setting prices they have to factor in the costs of paying staff a living wage, and so tipping is effectively paying twice for the service. For me to leave something the service has to be pretty good!

crazycanuck · 30/08/2012 22:50

OP, were you paying by debit/credit card? Could the receptionist have asked if you were leaving a tip so they could add it to the card total?

I actually can't get over the fact that you said you didn't think a tip would be necessary! I definitely wouldn't go back to that salon if I were you.

Nymia brilliant post, my thoughts exactly.

pantaloons · 30/08/2012 22:58

I have a question...

We go to a local pub occasionally for a bite to eat. They offer table service which is always good and the staff are friendly so I leave a tip. However, we generally pay by card and the tip option is on the chip and pin machine, so you type in the amount and that's that.

Do you think the tips that are given via debit cards actually reach the pocket of the staff like the cash tips do? I always wonder and think I'll take some cash next time, but invariably forget.

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